In Other News, The Pipe Organ Will Be Renamed “The Vapiano”

Today at the store

I saw advertised

“Raspberry oranges”

Which I soon surmised

Were simply blood oranges

Rebranded so they

Would not offend those

Whose balls went away.

Now as days get longer

And evenings get hotter

I give thanks that raspberries

Are thicker than water.

If I buy some candy

With a blue-raspberry taste

I’ll know royal blood

Has great suffering faced.

I’ll go to church

For the raspberry of Christ.

Instead of blood running cold

I’ll make raspberry ice!

Yes, the pussification

Of America is sweet

‘Til the raspberry of Patriots

Signals final defeat!

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