If the girl next to you had a penis
And you are a girl who did not
Both of you should consider
Whether this is, for you, a good spot.
Tag Archives: Politically Incorrect
Also, Engagement Feeds The Algorithm
Posting wrong opinions
On the internet is fun
Because you can cause outrage
That does not hurt anyone
Except those fragile people
To whom feeling offended
Is akin to the sensation
Of having one’s life ended
And, let’s be honest, people
Who are hurt by random posts
Are fun to laugh at secretly
And are targets of my toasts.
So I post this opinion
With the hope someone will read it
And share it with a sensitive friend
Whose feeble ego may just need it.
Filed under Poems
The Other Seven Days
And God made man
And of man he said:
“He shall be a good companion
“Every day until he’s dead.”
And God made woman
And of woman did proclaim
“Three out of four weeks
“She’ll be basically the same…”
Filed under Poems
The Rest Of This Poem Has Been Redacted For My Safety
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Why did Humpty Dumpty fall?
I am the mirror that sees all
And sometimes when the Clintons call…
Filed under Poems
Hollywood, Kansas
Good old Southern wisdom dictates
That nobody can be hotter
Than a woman with the privilege
Of being a farmer’s daughter.
Now a lot of celebrities try
Via paying a lot of money
To get hotter through plastic surgery
But they end up looking funny.
Meanwhile, farms in general
Are losing cash with every crop.
Now I share a solution
To make both these problems stop:
Aging celebrities pay a subscription
To be adopted by the farmers
Who’ll do less growing vegetables
And more of raising charmers.
The world gets better affordable food
And less of the adjective “botched”
And films starring 40+ actresses
Might actually start to get watched!
Filed under Poems
Change My Mind: Not All Cultures Are Created Equal
Some people called us savages
For throwing tourists into volcanos,
Cannibalizing other tribes,
And praying to tornados.
Others called it “Indigenous culture”
Or “Mysticalism to savor.”
Now we throw those others in volcanos
To do the world a favor.
Filed under Poems
Eye See What You Did There
If you really squint
You’ll get much better at math.
Sincerely, China.
Filed under Poems
Back Online, Just In Time For Election Season?
Hantavirus ship
Proves the “New World Order” guys
Must be introverts
Filed under Poems
Maybe If We Got One Of Those Video Games The Kids Like And Put Guns In It? Have We Tried That Yet?
I’m not so concerned about politicians
With approval rates at historical lows.
Instead I’m concerned that armed rebellion
Is still unpopular, but hey, that’s how it goes.
Filed under Poems
I’m Going To Get Fired For This One…
Meritocracy
Is what happens when you give
White kids scholarships.
Filed under Poems
