Once upon a time
There was a tiny little rock
Who was the world’s preeminent scholar
On the early works of Bach.
The little rock was erudite
Yet its career went South
On account of probably white people
And, also, its lack of mouth.
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Once upon a time
A woman majored in STEM
And made millions teaching women
The ways that men were bad to them.
She could have been an engineer
And done science and stuff
But instead she told the patriarchs
She wasn’t paid enough.
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I told my friend “good morning”
And they just said “morning” back
Which makes me wonder what I did
To deserve that sort of attack.
——————————————————–
He said “My pronoun’s potato
“Instead of he, him, and his.”
I mumbled “What isn’t a pronoun”
And he shouted “Yes, what is!”
——————————————————–
I ate dessert for breakfast
Though I don’t know how or why;
I made some scrambled eggs
But they identified as pie.
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California made it illegal
To discriminate based on hairstyle.
This is one of the greatest things
I’ve heard in quite a while
Because, based on liberal input,
I know that all white people are racist
And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy
For cutting my hair on that basis:
It’s illegal to bias one’s choices
For traditional hairstyles of race
Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros
And because this is the case
I can shave my head to spell letters,
Specifically “I disagree.”
Now watch as the left calls me Hitler
And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”
Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂
Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com
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Sometimes I love writing poems;
Of that there is no doubt.
But sometimes I’m like a single mom on welfare
Just tryin’ to crank another one out.
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They asked me to hold up
Fermented canola, you see.
I refused the order…
Sounds like supporting rapeseed culture to me.
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If you need special education
And can’t digest information,
If you need special education
Thump your chest!
(Thump thump thump thump…)
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Apparently my teachers were wrong
And there aren’t boys and girls.
Turns out gender is “representational,”
Or so the new story unfurls.
Seeing that sex doesn’t matter
To whether you’re he, she, or other
I think we need a singular pronoun
That applies equally to one another.
In the past we were male and female
And likewise called he or she.
Apparently the gender-neutral
Is also important, so they tell me.
So I have an unbiased option
To represent them, me, and you:
We can just say humans are SHeIt.
It has all three pronouns, and also is true!
Filed under Poems
