If you’ve got a gender
And that gender is Agender
Than an Agender gender
Is the gender that you’ve got,
But if you think non-cis is nonsense
And you don’t buy into bi
Then things which you are thinking
May be different than you thought.
There’s a rift between androgyny,
Pangender folks, and the FTM.
You may think that there’s no difference
Between trans-males and trans-men,
Or that trans-ness is divided
Down the trans-two-gender line
When in fact the trans-varieties
Number nearly twenty-nine!
If your creed denies this credence
You’ll be supported a few more years,
But if the “miss” in “miscelaneous”
Offends you, have no fears;
If you identify as other
But don’t like “other” as your name
Then nonconforming, variant, or non-binary
Are semi-synonyms for you to claim.
And if you want to carve your identity
In history’s hallowed halls
Invent your own custom gender now.
(May I suggest: No-balls?)
And make the list grow larger
Than the current 58
And you can show the establishment
That you don’t want America to again be great!
*Subject to change
Filed under Poems
I hate to say, but modern times
Have brought to bear such modern crimes
As the thought that changing what we call bad things
Will make them fly away on silver wings.
Amidst PC culture’s genital diminution
I seek to find an ancient solution
Because I doubt folks in Pompeii
Said “That eruption’s a hot social event for the end of your day!”
Some say the truth will set you free,
That the ultimate good is reality.
I like to think those things are true,
But no one told the local SJW.
So I’ll just be honest on this, my blog
To cut through society’s “minimally exceptional” fog.
And if you get offended by hearing what’s true
I bet there’s a polite alternative name out there for you.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Nevertheless
Always the more
Seldom the -ible
But often the horr-
Too much conniption
For such a poor fit
This new lack of him/her
Well, I’m tired of it
Filed under Poems
Are you sick and tired
Of having your body
99% covered in skin?
Do you feel weary
Of eating and drinking
While you wait for true life to begin?
Have you ever wanted
To feel religious
But weren’t raised a Christian or Jew?
Then it’s your lucky day,
‘Cause I’m here to say:
Radical Islam’s for you!
To start as a jihadist,
To be totally honest,
Isn’t nearly as hard as you’d think.
The Muslim mystique’s
Just the smell of plastique
Waiting for you in your kitchen sink.
Just slip on that vest
And go take a test.
If you pass you can stand even talla’,
Make a building go boom
And just like that… Zoom!
It’s just you, forty virgins, and Allah!
If by ISIS you’re paid
You may or may not get laid
But we promise at least you’ll get blown!
Your job’s hard? Ours is not!
It’s just this: Don’t get caught
And be careful when using your phone.
Think this poem’s funny
And also lack money?
RI may be perfect for you!
You’re offended instead?
Well, good news my friend
But we’re able as well to help you!
So call us today
And learn Allah’s way
And wash yourself free of impurity.
We’ll train you for free
And help you to see
Why they do that at airport security.
So if you want some fun
And with life you’re so done
Why not our five pillars a try?
You’re one phone call from Heaven:
Five-five-five-nine-eleven.
Unless you’re female there’s no need to be shy!
Filed under Poems
And on the seven-million-fourteenth day
The Christian God said “let there be
“An era of slow internet.”
No other explanation do I see.
Filed under Poems
