Tag Archives: Politically Incorrect

The “Happy And You Know It” Verse That Got Me Fired

If you need special education

And can’t digest information,

If you need special education

Thump your chest!

(Thump thump thump thump…)


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That’s Pronounced “She-it”

Apparently my teachers were wrong

And there aren’t boys and girls.

Turns out gender is “representational,”

Or so the new story unfurls.

Seeing that sex doesn’t matter

To whether you’re he, she, or other

I think we need a singular pronoun

That applies equally to one another.

In the past we were male and female

And likewise called he or she.

Apparently the gender-neutral

Is also important, so they tell me.

So I have an unbiased option

To represent them, me, and you:

We can just say humans are SHeIt.

It has all three pronouns, and also is true!


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Catholicism Admits Defeat… But They’ll Be Back!

Father Paul, I write to you

Regarding brother Kyle.

He has not been remade anew

So likely you won’t smile:

His dog still fits his Gucci purse,

His favorite color’s aubergine,

His dream’s to be a male nurse,

And all his sentences end with “you know what I mean?”

His moisturizer smells like plum

And adds to his feng shui.

Of this I’m fairly certain:

We didn’t pray the gay away. 

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Support For The 58* Genders?

If you’ve got a gender

And that gender is Agender

Than an Agender gender

Is the gender that you’ve got,

But if you think non-cis is nonsense

And you don’t buy into bi

Then things which you are thinking

May be different than you thought.

There’s a rift between androgyny,

Pangender folks, and the FTM.

You may think that there’s no difference

Between trans-males and trans-men,

Or that trans-ness is divided

Down the trans-two-gender line

When in fact the trans-varieties

Number nearly twenty-nine!

If your creed denies this credence

You’ll be supported a few more years,

But if the “miss” in “miscelaneous”

Offends you, have no fears;

If you identify as other

But don’t like “other” as your name

Then nonconforming, variant, or non-binary

Are semi-synonyms for you to claim.

And if you want to carve your identity

In history’s hallowed halls

Invent your own custom gender now.

(May I suggest: No-balls?)

And make the list grow larger

Than the current 58

And you can show the establishment

That you don’t want America to again be great! 

*Subject to change

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I Am The Paladin Of Unpopular Opinions: Hear Me Speak Semi-Audibly 

I hate to say, but modern times

Have brought to bear such modern crimes

As the thought that changing what we call bad things

Will make them fly away on silver wings.

Amidst PC culture’s genital diminution  

I seek to find an ancient solution

Because I doubt folks in Pompeii

Said “That eruption’s a hot social event for the end of your day!”

Some say the truth will set you free,

That the ultimate good is reality.

I like to think those things are true,

But no one told the local SJW.

So I’ll just be honest on this, my blog

To cut through society’s “minimally exceptional” fog.

And if you get offended by hearing what’s true

I bet there’s a polite alternative name out there for you.

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Why I’m No Longer A Gender Studies Major


Always the more

Seldom the -ible

But often the horr-

Too much conniption

For such a poor fit

This new lack of him/her

Well, I’m tired of it

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الان تماس بگیر

Are you sick and tired

Of having your body

99% covered in skin?

Do you feel weary

Of eating and drinking

While you wait for true life to begin?

Have you ever wanted

To feel religious

But weren’t raised a Christian or Jew?

Then it’s your lucky day,

‘Cause I’m here to say:

Radical Islam’s for you!

To start as a jihadist,

To be totally honest,

Isn’t nearly as hard as you’d think.

The Muslim mystique’s

Just the smell of plastique

Waiting for you in your kitchen sink.

Just slip on that vest

And go take a test.

If you pass you can stand even talla’,

Make a building go boom

And just like that… Zoom!

It’s just you, forty virgins, and Allah!

If by ISIS you’re paid

You may or may not get laid

But we promise at least you’ll get blown!

Your job’s hard? Ours is not!

It’s just this: Don’t get caught

And be careful when using your phone.

Think this poem’s funny

And also lack money?

RI may be perfect for you!

You’re offended instead?

Well, good news my friend

But we’re able as well to help you!

So call us today

And learn Allah’s way

And wash yourself free of impurity.

We’ll train you for free

And help you to see

Why they do that at airport security.

So if you want some fun

And with life you’re so done

Why not our five pillars a try?

You’re one phone call from Heaven:


Unless you’re female there’s no need to be shy!

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