Tag Archives: Politically Incorrect

Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…

Sometimes I look in the mirror

And see myself staring at me,

And when I clean the glass it gets clearer

And I know it’s my face that I see

And I look at myself and think “Wow!

“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”

And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive

And thus space out when you start talking.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU

What if all the billionaires

Just stood out on the street

And walked around in circles

And challenged everyone they’d meet

To have a Pokemon battle

That they would surely lose

And give the winner money?

But alas, they’re only jews.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Proof That Math Is Sexist

Today I realized that if

The calculator were invented today

The numbers zero, eight, and five

Would have to go away

Because 58,008

Looks like “BOOBS” upside down

And that might offend someone

And there’s actually no punchline…

The world is just that dumb.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Doublespeak (Or How I Learned To Stop Talking And Accept That I’m Wrong)

“Awesome” means “Good” now.

“Good” now means “Fair”.

“Okay” means “I’m lousy”.

“Lousy” means “In Despair”.

“Gold plans“ are baseline;

“Platinum” is normal.

Shirts are for business

And blue jeans are formal.

“Nothing” means “Something”

And “Yes” can mean “No”

But y’all still jump to conclusions

When I said “She’s a hoe.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

In Other News, The Pipe Organ Will Be Renamed “The Vapiano”

Today at the store

I saw advertised

“Raspberry oranges”

Which I soon surmised

Were simply blood oranges

Rebranded so they

Would not offend those

Whose balls went away.

Now as days get longer

And evenings get hotter

I give thanks that raspberries

Are thicker than water.

If I buy some candy

With a blue-raspberry taste

I’ll know royal blood

Has great suffering faced.

I’ll go to church

For the raspberry of Christ.

Instead of blood running cold

I’ll make raspberry ice!

Yes, the pussification

Of America is sweet

‘Til the raspberry of Patriots

Signals final defeat!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hope Exists In Odd Places

The fact that football stadiums

Are filled with maskless faces

Who came to watch a bunch of men

Of many faiths and races

Hit each other for a ball

While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”

Makes me think the world’s too good

To suddenly abandon.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Is Why God Chose Me To Have A Poet’s Salary

If I had a billion dollars

I’d buy a sports franchise

And make a special policy

To only hire guys

With super inappropriate surnames

Like Hitler, Kuntz, White-Powers,

And listen to the commentators

Say their names for hours…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…

I needed some lubrication

(Not for that, you dirty cad!)

So I went to the supermarket

To see what types they had.

They had oil made from olives,

Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,

And ingredients I can’t pronounce

Even if I tried for hours.

But then I saw a product

That set my blood a boil:

Somebody was selling there

A jar of baby oil!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Carols In Da Hood

Today as I was driving

Through the downtown Detroit snow

I heard such lovely music as

“Oh Nightly Hoe,”

“Blew Christmas,” “Slay Ride,”

“Santa Baby-Daddy,” “Little Saint’s Dick,”

“White Privilege Christmas”

And “Look Who I Got With The Ice Pick.”

I would have felt unsafe but I

Was with someone known well:

My inner-city Christmas buddy

Da’First No’El.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”

I think the biggest reason

Why the term “minion” exists

Is because all the female henchmen

Continually insist

That “henchman” is a sexist term

And they should be called “henchperson”

And the trust relationship

With their villain starts to worsen.

To avoid such conflicts

The term “minion” is used instead…

Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”

And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems