Category Archives: Lyrics

April 17, 2015 · 2:09 pm

Welcome to the Tundra

(A Parody of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses)

Welcome to the Tundra.

We’ve got fun and games.

We’ve all got PhD’s, Honey

And we’re all named Frank or James.

One hour on Skype’s all the social

Intercourse we need.

If you’ve got a scientific grant,

We’ve got your deep freeze.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

Watch it bring you to your knees.

I want to watch you renew our funding please.

Welcome to the tundra.

We take it day by day.

If you want it, you’ll wear lots of fur,

And get industry-competitive pay.

And if you’re a very sexy girl

Let likes to talk and chat

You better get your cell phone out

‘Cause us guys don’t dig all that.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Feel my, my, my polar bear.

Ooh, you’d better grow your hair.

Welcome to the tundra

Where we’ve got two-hour days.

You learn to live like an animal

In our permafrost-sampling ways.

If your hungry, here’s an MRE.

You’ll get used to them eventually.

You can have anything you want

Unless it’s fresh, flavorful, or hot.

And if you’re high, you’re actually

At the same elevation as everyone else.

You know where you are;

You’re in the tundra baby.

Your skin’ll get dry in the tundra.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Studying stratification.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Writing your dissertation.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Extrapolating from incomplete information.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

It’ll bring you to your

Required credits of applied study. Ha!

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July 20, 2014 · 10:18 am

My Airport Song

I got to the gate
A little bit late.
It wasn’t my fault,
But simply my fate.

I woke up at five in the morning,
A two hour drive to begin
To reach the airport at nine A.M
For a work flight at noon to Berlin.

I’d accounted for all the surprises
And left time for those that I missed.
Or so I thought ’til my Maggy arrived,
Her temperament thoroughly pissed.

I got to the gate
A little bit late.
It wasn’t my fault.
It was mostly my mate.

Turns out my Maggy discovered
Her darlingness wasn’t exclusive,
Though I thought I’d kept my affairs
In Germany fairly elusive.

I managed to exit by quarter to six
With a bit of my Chevy un-smashed.
At quarter past six came the sirens,
Wondering where I had been when I crashed.

I got to the gate
A little bit late.
It wasn’t my fault.
It was Officer Kate.

The cops pointed out my transmission,
Amazed at how far I had drug ‘er.
I’ve never known cables so durable
Or Maggy’s skill with a Louisville Slugger.

My taxi arrived at eleven,
My hope not entirely shattered.
The cops sold my car at an auction
To benefit the domestically battered.

I got to the gate
A little bit late.
It wasn’t my fault,
But I made $398.

I arrived at the gate at noon-thirty
And saw my Boeing depart.
It flew off with my job and my meeting,
But it also flew off with my heart.

So I called up my sweetheart abroad
And cancelled what our evening implied.
Then I called my Maggy, two blessed hours away
And said, “Can you give me a ride?”

I stayed at the gate
Until it was late.
Thanks for listening honey.
Would you care for a date?

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August 27, 2012 · 7:03 pm

The Real You

(G)                              (C)

I do not like those other girls

(D)                            (G)

Who wear their hair in silly curls.

(Em)                 (C)

I don’t like other girls like you,

(D7)              (G)

I only like the real you.

 

(G)                    (CMaj7)

I don’t like other blue-eyed ladies.

(DMaj7)

I don’t drive cars that look like a Mercedes.

(Em)                                      (C)

I won’t take periwinkle when I can have blue,

(D7)                     (G)

And I only love the real you.

 

(C)

So if you look at magazines

(F)                              (F7)

And think you need that dress or jeans,

(C)              (G)

Think again. You’re fine as is.

(D7)                   (G)

It’s the real you I want to kiss.

 

Bridge:  G, DMaj7, CMaj7, Em, B, Em, A7

 

(D)

Every morning I wake up,

(G)                         (Em)

I take a sip from my coffee cup.

(G)                        (AMaj7)

I’ll bide my time and hide my blues

(G7)                    (D)

Until you’re mine: The real you.

 

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August 13, 2012 · 10:16 am

Country Music

Well I live down in Texas ’cause I just can’t take

That California heat.

I go honky tonkin’ on Saturday night

With my two left feet.

My dog died last Tuesday, but I don’t mind,

I’ve got used to it.

And when it comes to tanning evenly, I had a chance

And I totally blew it!

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

 

Well this is the part in the song where I

Talk about a girl.

She’s generally half-dressed and wearin’ jewelry

Made out of mother-o’-pearl.

This is a bit of topic, but isn’t the mother of pearl

Just an oyster?

And while I sing about Jesus, I don’t sing about nuns

Or about their cloister.

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

 

Someone died of cancer,

Someone cheated on their man.

Someone rode on a choo-choo train

And ate food from a can.

I think I’m running out of

Half-decent cliches,

So Let’s sing the chorus one more time

Then we’ll go our separate ways!

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

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June 20, 2012 · 9:56 am

Pop Songs

Pop songs, pop songs

Teach you the day of the week.

Pop song, pop songs

Are not sung by guys who are meek.

Pop songs, pop songs

They are easy to memorize.

Pop songs, pop songs

Are, like this poem, not very wise.

(Chorus)

Pop songs are songs

Sung by people in thongs

That go on too longs

Oh yeah!

They’re repetitive songs

That go on too longs

Sung by people in thongs

Oh yeah!

Pop songs, pop songs

They are songs in the popular genre.

Pop songs, pop songs

It’s their simplicity that has drawn ya

To Pop songs, pop songs

You getting the point yet my friend?

Pop songs, pop songs.

Now it’s time for this song to end.

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

Fade and repeat

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