Tag Archives: Music

Why Adventurers Just Don’t Anymore In 2022

We survived a drowning island.

We endured the burning sand.

We outlasted freezing rain

And our cousin’s cover band.

We’ve outrun giant boulders

And a crazy nazi horde

But when the radio plays songs

By Taylor Swift… Oh Lord!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Multipurpose Tool

A shiny new piano

Is a beauty to behold,

And music can bring life and warmth

Despite the rain and cold.

Every key and inch of wood

Brings harmony, dear reader…

Especially when dropped from the 60th floor

Onto the appropriate world leader.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

We’re All In The Mood For A Melody (Plus Innocent Townsfolk To Bite)

It patrols the oceans, breathing in and out

Horrible and jolly all at once.

Scientists see it and ponder about

Whether perhaps this is how the beast hunts?

Don’t underestimate musical cheer;

It’s bite is as fierce as its bark.

Yes, if you see it you’ll quiver in fear…

The majestic harmonica shark!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Taaaake… Me To The Ri. Vuh… (Drop me in the wa. Tuh…) But An Octave Lower

The guys who, in the ‘90s,

Made the singing Big Mouth Bass

Will be long renowned by history

For redefining “urban class.”

Alas, they could have changed music

Had they thought ahead so far

As to make an instrument

They called the “bass guitar.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Wind Chimes

Sometime in the distant past

Somebody’s wife I suppose

Decided to hang a bunch of pipes

So whenever the wind blows

It makes the sound of a little kid

Assaulting a glockenspiel

And she sold these things for thirty bucks

And I don’t know how I feel…*

*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces

Before the phrase “More Cowbell”

Took the world by storm

Egyptians had a fever

And only could stay warm

By making a great replica

Of the instrument they’d dangle;

And they shouted in Egyptian

“I need some more triangle!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If You Don’t Remember “Hang Up The Phone, I Need To Yahoo Search Something,” You’re Too Young To Get This Poem

One low buzz, eleven beep-boop

Ba-ba-ba beeps

Then six seconds of static

That gives you the creeps,

Then the death metal chorus

Played on a child’s toy

And the internet is yours to use.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

E I E Ya Know?

Why are classic songs just like,

“Songs just like,

“Songs just like?”

Why are classic songs just like

Repetitive and s**t?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You At Least Remember the Important Part of the Limerick

There once was bobabezine

That slodda dee focus or line?

And burger da beep

Chodda wodda ga meep?

Soda wamegla SWEET CAROLINE!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Was It A Typo Though?

Turns out makin’ music doesn’t mean makin’ money.

That was no news to me, but was news to my honey.

When a man gets poor it’ll do something funny

To almost all the female ears!

When the cashflow slows in the time that you date ‘er

Like the tempo that jazz plays in the elevator

Then don’t be surprised, and do anticipate ‘er

Not boppin’ you for quite a few years!

Yeah, I do remember the times in the twenties

When a man could bop all night long,

But come year ’30 we ain’t playin’ too dirty

And a depression is comin’ on strong!

I’m no type of teacher, but you oughta be knowin’

Where this job playin’ jazzes is probably goin’…

Come late at night you’ll be the only one blowin’.

Sorry bro, but them is the fac’s.

Better practice your ‘prov and practice your scales, especially for playin’ the blues…

Between big simple cash and a big cymbal crash you know what a woman will choose…

The little metals guys who hold your keys in place will be the only thing that she screws…

That’s life when she’s withholding the sax!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems