Tag Archives: Music

Boy Bands

If you play songs

In a rock and roll band

That includes no member

With a mammary gland,

Everyone has Y chromosomes

And speaks in few words

Then you might be a band

But you’re sure not The Birds…

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Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music

All is well while you’re singing

Until your realize

Mary will eventually have a big sheep

Unless one of them dies…

And yet we have been singing this

Since time itself was made.

Do the Mary’s keep swapping

Or was a sweater made?

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My 100% True Treatise On My American Patriotism

I was born in Colorado,

Learned my talkin’ in Kentucky,

Grew up in Northwest Washington

Which, although American, is Canucky.

Now a man who makes a living

Rhyming mediocre comedy

I lie in bed listening to the sounds

Of patriotic hymns from Ireland.

My heart’s in Limerick,

My mind’s in Dublin,

My eyes see Antrims and see Galways!

I am in a kilt

(Yes, I know that’s Scotland)

And I’ll praise green, white, and orange for always!

Then the youtube algorithm

Plays me “God Defend New Zealand”

And the Maori spirit rips the kilt away

And I walk with hobbits in the free land!

Misty mountains, patriotic,

Connect two hemispheres within me…

That’s until I hear the opening chords

Of the Russian anthem start to win me.

Now Haggis, Borscht, Poutine, and Kiwis

Are all chicken-fried in my spirit

And I only wish that the Star-Spangled Banner

Were a song that made me want to hear it.

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And He Was Like, “Bohemian Rhapsody Is So Long…”

Sometimes you park your car

Just when a song starts playing

And you sing along, now knowing

That your plans are worth delaying.

For some folks it’s the Beatles,

And for some the Rolling Stones.

For me it’s Wagner’s Ring Cycle

Which is why I’m a pile of bones.

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Why No One Buys CDs Anymore

Some evenings I sit in darkness

Playing a sad song on repeat

With a pillow on my head

And a blanket on my feet.

I’m don’t feel sad

Though I am devoid of laughter;

I feel sad because I hate

The song that plays right after.

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Approach Anxiety – Power Metal Version

My feelings unspoken

Are like chains unbroken:

Restraining. Containing

The beast locked within.

To have them be heard…

A heart turned to word…

Uncurtained, uncertain

Of where to begin.

I know I can’t fight

The coming of night.

I don’t know what’s right

When I hear you coming.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Into the land of numbing.

I look in your hazel eyes

Hoping this feeling dies

But the beast smells a feast

And my heart needs to roar.

Steel bars start to bend

And I cannot contend

So I do what feels true:

Let the beast break down the door.

I knew not to fight

The coming of night.

I did what felt right

When I heard you calling.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Though it feels like falling.

The cage opens wide,

Lets the monster outside.

The beast is released

And it pounces on you.

But claw scratches steel;

How can this be real?

Could it be, just like me,

There’s a beast inside you?

I welcome our fight

In the coming of night.

Can’t know that I’m right

But it’s worth the gamble.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day

But I no longer hide

For lack of preamble.

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Who Goes To Concerts To Listen Anyway?

The origin of Death Metal

Is really pretty neat:

They recorded Beatles fans

And set it to a beat.

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We’re All In The Mood For A Melody (And You Know The Rest)

“I’ve got a song for you Billy,”

The executive told Mr. Joel.

“It’s a song for the sad, lonely everyman

“And the pianist has a prominent role.”

“Sounds pretty fly,” Mr. Joel said,

“And I have but one simple request:

“I think we’ll have one short piano bit

“And let harmonica guy do the rest.”

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Starting A Band

Jimmy is our drummer

And Johnny plays guitar

And Danny knows a guy

Who knows a guy who owns a bar.

Eddy is our singer

And our charismatic face.

When we get to the venue

We’ll teach someone to play the bass.

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My Covenant

Some people with a time machine

Would cure diseases in the past,

Kill Hitler as a baby

To stop the Jews from being gassed,

See what dinosaurs were like

Or build the pyramids.

Some would travel back in time

To relive being kids.

If I had a time machine

I’d go to a monastery

Where people sang Gregorian chant

With ye olde Tomme, Dicke, and Harrye

And play the drum and violin parts

To the Halo menu song.

Some people would go to the future

To cure cancer, but they’re wrong.

You’re Welcome

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