Tag Archives: Music

Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces

Before the phrase “More Cowbell”

Took the world by storm

Egyptians had a fever

And only could stay warm

By making a great replica

Of the instrument they’d dangle;

And they shouted in Egyptian

“I need some more triangle!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If You Don’t Remember “Hang Up The Phone, I Need To Yahoo Search Something,” You’re Too Young To Get This Poem

One low buzz, eleven beep-boop

Ba-ba-ba beeps

Then six seconds of static

That gives you the creeps,

Then the death metal chorus

Played on a child’s toy

And the internet is yours to use.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

E I E Ya Know?

Why are classic songs just like,

“Songs just like,

“Songs just like?”

Why are classic songs just like

Repetitive and s**t?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You At Least Remember the Important Part of the Limerick

There once was bobabezine

That slodda dee focus or line?

And burger da beep

Chodda wodda ga meep?

Soda wamegla SWEET CAROLINE!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Was It A Typo Though?

Turns out makin’ music doesn’t mean makin’ money.

That was no news to me, but was news to my honey.

When a man gets poor it’ll do something funny

To almost all the female ears!

When the cashflow slows in the time that you date ‘er

Like the tempo that jazz plays in the elevator

Then don’t be surprised, and do anticipate ‘er

Not boppin’ you for quite a few years!

Yeah, I do remember the times in the twenties

When a man could bop all night long,

But come year ’30 we ain’t playin’ too dirty

And a depression is comin’ on strong!

I’m no type of teacher, but you oughta be knowin’

Where this job playin’ jazzes is probably goin’…

Come late at night you’ll be the only one blowin’.

Sorry bro, but them is the fac’s.

Better practice your ‘prov and practice your scales, especially for playin’ the blues…

Between big simple cash and a big cymbal crash you know what a woman will choose…

The little metals guys who hold your keys in place will be the only thing that she screws…

That’s life when she’s withholding the sax!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Boy Bands

If you play songs

In a rock and roll band

That includes no member

With a mammary gland,

Everyone has Y chromosomes

And speaks in few words

Then you might be a band

But you’re sure not The Birds…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music

All is well while you’re singing

Until your realize

Mary will eventually have a big sheep

Unless one of them dies…

And yet we have been singing this

Since time itself was made.

Do the Mary’s keep swapping

Or was a sweater made?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My 100% True Treatise On My American Patriotism

I was born in Colorado,

Learned my talkin’ in Kentucky,

Grew up in Northwest Washington

Which, although American, is Canucky.

Now a man who makes a living

Rhyming mediocre comedy

I lie in bed listening to the sounds

Of patriotic hymns from Ireland.

My heart’s in Limerick,

My mind’s in Dublin,

My eyes see Antrims and see Galways!

I am in a kilt

(Yes, I know that’s Scotland)

And I’ll praise green, white, and orange for always!

Then the youtube algorithm

Plays me “God Defend New Zealand”

And the Maori spirit rips the kilt away

And I walk with hobbits in the free land!

Misty mountains, patriotic,

Connect two hemispheres within me…

That’s until I hear the opening chords

Of the Russian anthem start to win me.

Now Haggis, Borscht, Poutine, and Kiwis

Are all chicken-fried in my spirit

And I only wish that the Star-Spangled Banner

Were a song that made me want to hear it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And He Was Like, “Bohemian Rhapsody Is So Long…”

Sometimes you park your car

Just when a song starts playing

And you sing along, now knowing

That your plans are worth delaying.

For some folks it’s the Beatles,

And for some the Rolling Stones.

For me it’s Wagner’s Ring Cycle

Which is why I’m a pile of bones.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why No One Buys CDs Anymore

Some evenings I sit in darkness

Playing a sad song on repeat

With a pillow on my head

And a blanket on my feet.

I’m don’t feel sad

Though I am devoid of laughter;

I feel sad because I hate

The song that plays right after.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems