Tag Archives: Cliche

How The West Was Won

There was a guy with short, dark hair

Who lived in the middle of nowhere.

Then a bad guy came to town

And some anarchy went down.

The guy was told about the event

So he spurred his horse and off he went

To meet the jerk who scared the meek

And also the one girl who gets to speak.

A lot of folks will die, of course,

While riding nowhere on a horse.

There will be a fateful fight

Before guy rides off into the light.

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You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try

In a horror movie

A main character will die.

In an animated movie

Someone’s probably going to fly.

In any recent Disney movie

Someone’ll be the token gay.

In a romantic comedy

No one marries their fiancee.

In a movie with a heist

Someone will dance under lasers.

In a movie set at college

The new kid will meet hazers.

In fantasies, a hero

Will be to a dragon born,

And that’s why I don’t mind

When there is not a plot in porn.

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In Other Words, Nothing Alike

Life is like a romantic comedy

Except there’s more than one fat person in the world

And nobody finds love in an airport.

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Playing With A Too-Full Deck

The young bet on clubs

And slowly lose their mind.

The grown bet on diamonds

And what they seek, they find.

The old bet on spades

And in time all follow suit.

For those who bet on hearts

Best be rich, or else be cute.

Yet I drew five jokers…

I’m either destined for greatness

Or I bet on too many clubs.

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RPGs Were His Life…Literally 

As the lightning cracked in the purple sky

And the cameras panned over my birth

My parents knew I was the guy

Who’d be destined to save the Earth.

So I was raised in the classic way
Of being a normal happy kid

Until, inevitably, bandits razed my town

Which, as expected, they inevitably did.

And so from the ashes a guardian rose

And took me to a school of hard knocks

Where I learned to be destiny’s hero

By killing rats with sticks and rocks.

And after cutscenes which showed me grow
I left the school to see the land.

My life’s tutorial now finished

My destiny could proceed as planned.

I started out slaying vermin,

Albeit on a grander scale.

I found gold left unclaimed on the ground

And used it to buy weapons and mail.

I learned to cast spells and fire a bow,

Though I never really did

Because the way to do so was complicated

And my life was controlled by a kid.

Eventually I was betrayed

And someone who I thought had died

Turned out to be the major villain

Who led the guys on the other side.

What should have been climactic

Turned quickly to a rout

Because somewhere I read a walkthrough

And I did what it talked about.

And so the banners fly again

And peasants chant my name.

I’m made the king of everything

But otherwise life’s the same.

My normal life took fifteen hours

Before I was the love of every bard,

But now my achievements dissapear

As fate clicks “new game, difficulty: hard.”

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I’m Writing This During A Commercial Break

Good looking people

Talking to each other.

Man is an idiot

Who experiences a bother.

Woman corrects her counterpart

Via the featured service or good.

Be a good ad writer?

Yes, I think I would 

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That’s Why Babies Look Funny When They Learn To Walk!

If life were like a video game

I think it quickly would get lame

‘Cause everyone would act the same

And people would compete for fame

And money and stuff you’d seek to claim

And maybe you’d love a token dame.

Your repeated failures might cause shame

And you’d be worthy of others’s blame.

You’ll find comfort in a pet to tame

And maybe give it a funny name

Like Blooper, Tweazle, Grumps, or Zame…

Holy crap! Life’s just like a video game!

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Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…

If your story’s just beginning

But your ideas have run out

There’s no need for disappointment 

So you can quit your silly pout.

All the greatest stories

Lose their steam before the end

And that’s why we continue

The “something lucky happened” trend.

It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn

And main characters don’t get shivved.

Executions are delayed for a monologue

And Harry’s the boy who lived.

It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring

From half a world away

But not when hobbits hold it

With a tree stump in the way.

Heroes outrun explosions

While the villain merely dies.

The white hats still draw faster

Despite the sunlight in their eyes.

So if you want a writing tip

I’ll give you one to keep:

As long as sh*t works out in the end

The fans will lose no sleep.

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Spy Problems

I’ve got a machine gun

With infinite bullets.

I can outrun

An explosion with ease.

I can seduce any

Man, woman, or dolphin,

But whenever I’m hiding

I always must sneeze…

I wear only the finest

Imported silk clothing.

I drink only the choicest

Fermented delights.

I’m the greatest agent

There ever has been,

Yet somehow I always

Get stuck working nights…

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My (Virtual) Life Is A Joke

A resurrected hero

From a bygone age

Walked into a bar.

He killed rats in the basement

And looted their bodies,

But that’s all I’ve played so far.

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