Seicnsits cliam taht p0elpe can raed
Aynh7nig p0vrided one cdino17on:
Taht the frsit and lsat lteters reiamn the smae.
So I hpoe you can raed tihs rndeitoin.
So if you can raed tihs, pealse gvie it a lkie.
But if you do not, I get it.
Smoetmeis I dn’ot rymhe my pemos,
But hlaf of you c’nat tlel aynawy.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader, Uncategorized
For those of you who did read the poem
That I posted on this blog yesterday,
This sonnet should not cause surprise to them,
For my identity’s taken away.
Now bank accounts and credit cards belong
To Prince Harjinder from Nigeria.
To Lifelock I am singing this sad song.
It was a scam. I’d no ideria.
Now my mortgage is foreclosed. Makes me sore
That people would do such a nasty thing.
But a Canadian pharmacist yore
Assures me I can get lots of free “bling.”
Disclaimer: I am not really this dumb,
But it makes for funny poems, ho hum!
Filed under Poems
So long suckas!
I got a lucky break!
A crown Prince from Nigeria
Has had trouble with the banks.
He’s offering me a deal
That I cannot refuse.
A hundred million dollars,
And he says it’s not a ruse.
I sent off to him my SSN
and bank account info today.
I should be awfully wealthy
By Sunday, and then hey!
Hey I’m stinking rich, all y’all!
Hey I’m as kingly as Kong.
And I helped bring about a dictator’s downfall.
What about this could possibly be wrong?
Turgid flames and swollen fire,
I evoke my wrath and all my ire
And crack the whip of impending doom
For the travesty master is back, full of wisdom-toothless gloom.
His gums are sown shut with medical wire.
He eats liquid food, but his mood does not mire.
He knows within days he’ll be healed up just fine,
But ’til then, human flesh he must wait on to dine.
So thus I am back, and just as lousy as ever.
I’ll continue to write, since that is my endeavor.
So welcome me back with comment or two.
If you don’t, rest assured, I know where live you.
Filed under Poems, Uncategorized
I’m under a lot of pressure
To create a poem for your pleasure
Because your regular author has teeth
(More precisely though, the lack of said teeth)
So I hope this is bad enough.
Geology takes ages
And everything happens in stages,
But I’m luck enough to find
That I have a superior mind.
It helps that the teacher is hot.
Filed under Poems
Hello readers!
Alas, a blight has come upon me, this 27th day of June.
The desntists office calls to me tomorrow afternoon (morning actually, but that didn’t rhyme).
My widom teeth need be pulled out, and so you’ll plainly see
That tomorrow afternoon my mouth will be dumb and bloated as the rest of me.
However I write this personal note, in meter, or in the South, in miter
To inform you that the poem tomorrow will be written by a fabulous guest writer.
This writer is my sister, and a telented poet herself.
Sure she lacks my rugged good looks, but at least she has her health.
So thus my letter concludes to you.
I will be back, so don’t be blue.
On the 29th my brain shall function
Unsedated, with thoughts of poetic junction.
As sincerely as can be accepted from a total stranger who writes crappy poems on the internet,
David
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I hear that women like a man
Who is direct and honest,
But also one who gives them space
And upon them does not fawnest (too much).
They like a man who’s tall and strong
and handsome, dark, and committed
Yet they want a man who’s sensitive too,
Which make me think they don’t get it.
Women want an older man
Who are already stable providers.
They also want younger men
And artsy types, like writers.
And thus I must conclude today,
Although there’s no surprise.
That women don’t know what they want,
A fact they poorly disguise.
So men, I do bring happy news.
You need not be handsome or tough,
‘Cause some woman out there is sufficiently crazy
To like you if, you wait long enough.
Filed under Poems
I heard from a friend a short while ago
That a Haiku’s purpose is to tell a story
Using as few words as possible, and so
Here are some Haikus, in their polysyllabic glory.
“Many desperately
Ask the world for love and cash.
Many are ignored.”
Now, it seems I must confess
That Haiku was really depressing.
Perhaps optimism would redress
The view of life I was stressing?
“Many people ask
The world to give happiness.
Sometimes earth complies.”
Still not there yet, so I think
It’s time to make it fun.
I will now rewrite a chink
and replace it with a pun.
“Lots of folks get screwed
By the world for doing stuff.
Drillers, thus, are happy.”
And thus we stumble on the truth:
That two lines from now I’ll rhyme with lurker.
So by haiku we see, and we call “foresooth!”
To be happy, be a construction worker.
Construction:
Where screwing something means you did your job right.
Politician:
See “Construction”
Why do we condemn those who are angry?
Are they not simply being honest with us?
Why do we condemn those who are slothful?
It’s a pity more people don’t ignore the world’s fuss.
Why do we condemn others for greed or envy?
Are those not what motivates us to succeed?
Why do we condemn others for gluttony or lust,
When our species survives by fulfilling these needs.
And why do we condemn anyone for their pride?
Why is humility praised above truth?
Why, when we tell others of achievements and actions
They think we are sinful, uncouth.
In this world full of sinners, there are only two sins
That are unforgivable to me.
The first is to harm, out of of malice or not.
The other is not to be free.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 
Blog Spam
Dear reader, I would like to say
That I learned something new today.
And, though I shouldn’t be, shocked I am
That people leave comments that are spam.
For instance, one I got today
Was a comment that did say
That my posting was informative.
Did they misread it, or are they conformative?
Anyone who reads and thinks
My posts are meaningful has indulged in drinks
Except for the infrequent ones,
But they are seldom very fun.
So if you think “this is good written”
Please do not make it something written.
I do not want to read your spam.
I already have some, Sam-I-Am.
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Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Tagged as Comedy, Comments, Poetry, Spam