Tag Archives: Dragons

Three Monster Poems (‘Cause I Guess One Poem Every Day Doesn’t Satisfy Me Anymore?)

If I were a monster

I’d want to be Godzilla.

He’s the definition of

A true cold-blooded killa’.

And if the other monsters

Were being unfriendly blokes

I could prob’ly diss them with

A good “your Mothra” joke.


If I could be a monster

A dragon’d be real swell.

If I exhale heavily

The room would go to Hell.

I’d hang out with princesses

And burn knights on a stick

And although I couldn’t use it much

I’d have a giant… wingspan.


I want to be a monster

And as a white man I’m quite close.

If only I could do something

That’s really, really gross…

All these thoughts of monsters

Have really gotten to me,

But since I can’t be Godzilla

I’ll just vote for Hillary!


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Dragons > National Debt

A princess was stolen by dragons

Some hundreds of eons ago

And instead of waiting to be slain

The dragons just stir-fried the hoe.

The kingdom saved money on dresses

And a new sense of peace was acquired.

The dragons had balls, which meant

That dancing at balls ain’t required.

The knights stopped jousting each other

For no prizes were there to be won,

And the taxes went down, people made fewer gowns,

And the populace had lots of fun.

When you don’t have to pay for a princess

How happy the white knights can get.

The only downside is the dragons

Whose tummies have gotten upset.

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And That Is Why Some People Shouldn’t Have Dragons…

If I get a pet dragon

(For business or for kicks)

I’ll hide it in my dungeon

And prob’ly call it Trix.

I’ll feed it little children

To give it a dragon’s fix,

But mostly for the privilege of saying

“Silly rabbit, kids are for Trix!”

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How Else Would You Pass The Time When You’re All Tied-Up, Half-Naked, And Waiting For Rescue?

I bet that back in elder days,

When dragons roamed the sky

And virgins all got kidnapped

To be rescued by some guy

That said virgins played a game

Where, in a future land,

They were ordinary citizens

Who love they did demand

From virgins playing games

In which they acted like a knight

Rescuing imaginary virgins

Kidnapped by dragons. Am I right?

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Make Of It What You Will

The dragon did think

It’d be cool to have ink

And so decided, “what the heck?”

The jungle cat, too,

Got a tattoo

Of a human on it’s neck.

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Dragon Logic

To be man with aspirations
Of power, wealth, and fame
Is just to be a failed dragon.
Here, let me explain:

A dragon spends its day
Making money and making noise
And sits in its lair in the evening
Counting billions of new toys.

If a human does the same
And becomes a zillionaire
He still won’t be a dragon.

The dragon says “so there.”

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A Look At Nature

A chicken met a dragon
One Friday afternoon.
The chicken told the dragon
“I wish I looked like you.”
Then the dragon ate the chicken
‘Cause that’s what dragons do.
I will never forget
That first field trip to the zoo.

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