A chicken met a dragon
One Friday afternoon.
The chicken told the dragon
“I wish I looked like you.”
Then the dragon ate the chicken
‘Cause that’s what dragons do.
I will never forget
That first field trip to the zoo.
A Look At Nature
Filed under Poems
Dirty Love
Greasy Pete and Sticky Sally
Live in a box deep in the alley.
They make their money selling worms
To fishermen who don’t mind germs.
Pete and Sally are not poor.
They’ve got what they need, and don’t want more.
Neither are the two of them homeless
Simply because their life is domeless.
Sticky Sally and Greasy Pete
Have all the food they need to eat,
They’ve got no worries and do no crime.
Who needs money? They’ve got nothing but time.
And when times get hard living on the street,
Pete’s got Sally, and Sally sticks to Pete.
Filed under Poems
Me Neither
Have you ever met a person
Who’s perfect in every way,
Who understands your troubles
And makes them go away,
Whose smile dries your tears
And whose laughter steals your heart
And, even though you’re all grown up,
Lets you ride in the shopping cart,
Is friendly as a puppy,
And wiser than a book,
A phenomenal bass player
And an established gourmet cook,
And’s not the slightest bit pretentious
But humble and adoring,
Has beauty and personality
And never gets boring?
Filed under Poems
The Tome of the Sidekick
I’ve never conquered evil
But I’ve beaten “pretty bad.”
I haven’t done the impossible
But I’ve done what no one had.
My heroic feats are little more
Than a big, unwelcome task,
So I don’t deserve a novel,
But is a pamphlet too much to ask?
Filed under Poems
To My Favorite Technology
Pillowcase, pillowcase
You’ve served me for years.
You’ve covered my pillow
And captured my tears.
Pillowcase, pillowcase
You’ve tousled my hair
And prevented my pillow
From much wear and tear.
Pillowcase, pillowcase
On you I have laid.
My only question now
Is how were you made?
Filed under Poems
Queens
The Queen of Clubs
And the Queen of Spades
Chatted as they
Put their hair in braids.
“How come,” they asked
“Aren’t we diamonds or hearts?
We represent tools
And bludgeoning parts.”
“I’m not unhappy,”
Said the queen of clubs.
“I represent parties,
And bars and pubs.”
But the Queen of Spades
Was not amused.
“For what good
Am I ever used?
“In a game of hearts I’m worth
All the other hearts combined.
I’m an old, dark-haired lady,”
The Queen of Spades whined.
Then in walked Jack Spade
Gazing with his one eye,
And when put in perspective
Everything felt alrigh’
Filed under Poems
Chem101
I dreamt of cauldrons
That bubble and trash
Full of hideous mixtures
Of fear, hope, and trash,
Of test tube babies
And nightmares on tap,
And of disembodied brains
And all that other Matrix crap.
But as I awake
My heart fills with sorrow.
I’ve seen none of these things
And the final’s tomorrow.
Filed under Poems
Almost
There once was a poet named Jim Rick
Who never could finish a limerick.
He put his mind to it
But every time blew it.
Filed under Poems
Neverland is Here
A child once asked
What the word “adult” means.
I answered “It’s someone
Grown out of their teens.”
“So just like a grown up!”
The kid clarified,
And I felt my innards
Knotting up inside
For I knew that tiny figure
Holding onto his sippy cup
Would be forced to discover
Most adults never grow up.
Filed under Poems
I Apologize In Advance
I visited a farm
When I was a Sophomore
Where I met a cow named Landeskog,
The only Swedish cow I’d seen before.
Later, when I was eating lunch,
A pack of mac and cheese,
Landeskog started crying
Right on my macaronis.
So all the tedious lead up
That has been this vignetti
Is to tell you of the time I had
Swedish meat bawl on my spaghetti.
Filed under Poems
