Tag Archives: Limerick

Dear Washington…

Those who take the roles

Of conducting political polls

Should receive an MD

In proctology

For their research in helping assholes.

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Female Sexuality And Privilege In The Fruit-Curing Industry

If I were to pick a peck of pickled peppers

Peter Piper’d have a bone to pick with me?

But if I gave Ol’ Pete a peck

He’d want to bone, ’cause “what the heck”

And I needn’t pay the Piper… He’d pay me!

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Yes, I Accept Requests (Also, Go Hawks)

I was asked by a fan not named Ringo

To write a poem about Barkevius Mingo.

He isn’t a slacker

As an outside linebacker

But his surname limits my descriptive lingo.

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Oh Sheet…

I started a band where we’d play

Stuff other folks played first. OK?

Then I did discover

Such a band’s called a Cover,

And thus I named our band “Duvet.”

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A Poet Has Needs

One thing about which I’m keen is

To write a bad poem about Venus.

That’s not really true…

I just wanted to

Justify ending a poem with “penis.”

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…Until The Courtyard In Question Turns Thirty, The Biological Clock Kicks In, And It Settles For The Secure-But-Unexciting Wall

I was a brick wall. So secure

There was nothing I could not endure,

Yet, while I’m safe in a fire

She wanted barbed wire

‘Cause “Barbed Wire is hotter for sure.”

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Las Story Es Mucho True

If you’re in Puerto Rico

And don’t know how to speako

Know this: The inglés

Is not spoke in the place

And they’ll probably think you’re a freako.

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