Tag Archives: Dreams

Another Once-Great Species Ruined

There once was an African lion

Who was handsome and noble and clever.

He wanted his head to be put on a wall

So he could be admired forever.

Alas, some American vegans

Made a law that to hunt him was banned

So know he stays home in the evenings

And watches MGM films on demand.

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The Victors

You see the victors on parade,

Their smiles of sweet relief.

You hear their proffered words of thanks

For the ending of their grief.

But what they do not realize

Through their newfound lack of pain

Is that to stay victorious

They’ll have to win again.

They’ll have to reface challenges.

They’ll have to reforge swords,

Reconquer their old demons

And rechallenge hated hoards.

They’ll have to suffer all again

And all this not to grow

But just to stay a victor:

And maintain the status quo.

Yes we conquered those we feared

And silenced those we hate,

But should we take such lavish pride

In merely stalemate?

So watch the victors on parade

But envy them do not!

You would not wish on anyone

The pain the victors brought

Nor would you wisely wish to feel

Their pride in wielding well

The arms and armor of the war

That merged the Earth and Hell.

One day we’ll see no victory,

No men will march with pride.

We will erect no monuments

For those who bravely died.

We’ll stand without a trophy

And we’ll not conceal our grins

For all will be the victors

Come the day when no one wins.

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I Have A Dream That I Can Hate A**holes Of Any Color Without Being Vilified

You’re unhygienic,

Ill-tempered and mean.

You’re perhaps the worst tipper

That I’ve ever seen.

Your humor is childish.

Your language is coarse.

You’ve the breath of a dog

And the face of a horse.

You burned down my house,

Ran away with my wife,

Destroyed everything happy

I had in my life.

You’ve made far more enemies

Than you’ve made amends

But I’m white and you’re black

So I’ll say that we’re friends.

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The Best Video Game Story Since Tetris

I lived in a two-story house.

The upper floor was mine.

I told my mom “I’m moving out.”

She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”

I tried to leave my little town

But an old man happened to see

And called “don’t go into the grass.”

Then ordered “follow me!”

I walked back with him to his lab

Where he forgot his grandson’s name

And gave me a living vegetable

That some people think is lame.

The old guy’s grandson challenged me

To a battle without gore

And I showed the power of friendship

Via my brand-new bulbasaur.

From that point on my journey

Is a blur of fallen foes

From Brock, Misty, and zubats

To a couple missingnos.

Somehow grandson Noname

Was always a step ahead

But I met him in Vermillion

And made his Raticate dead.

Then I beat organized crime,

Filled an encyclopedia,

Became the champion of the world

Without even leech-seeding ya’.

I am in fact the very best

So between you and me

I think the secret to success

Is skipping puberty.

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Almost Never Say Never

They said man wouldn’t walk on the moon

But a few brave souls proved them wrong.

People still pay to see an opera by Wagner

That’s more than 24 hours long.

People say “finding your passion” is silly

But it sounds like a solid idea to me.

But we’ll never have a Jurassic Park movie

Featuring common sense and decent security.

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Paper Heart

Twenty years or so before

I turned the age of 24

I feared to give a paper heart

To that one special lass.

Ten years after, now 14

I’ve had my eye on other queens

But my feeling for the paper heart girl

Never seems to pass.

In the present world we find

Our troubled and still childish mind

Called to give the other sex

Eternal loyalty.

I’m loyal to who understands

My paper heart and shaking hands.

Does she still exist? Perhaps

In ten more years we’ll see.

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At Least “Epic Fails” Are Epic

There is no good or evil,

Just what we like or don’t.

Nothing is impossible,

Only what we will or won’t.

For every fearful sceptic

Who says “Man cannot fly”

There is Wright or Icarus

Who’s laughing from the sky.

You’ll be blessed with many Yeses

For every worldly No.

Will you risk Youtube infamy

To give your dream a go?

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