You’re unhygienic,
Ill-tempered and mean.
You’re perhaps the worst tipper
That I’ve ever seen.
Your humor is childish.
Your language is coarse.
You’ve the breath of a dog
And the face of a horse.
You burned down my house,
Ran away with my wife,
Destroyed everything happy
I had in my life.
You’ve made far more enemies
Than you’ve made amends
But I’m white and you’re black
So I’ll say that we’re friends.
Filed under Poems
I lived in a two-story house.
The upper floor was mine.
I told my mom “I’m moving out.”
She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”
I tried to leave my little town
But an old man happened to see
And called “don’t go into the grass.”
Then ordered “follow me!”
I walked back with him to his lab
Where he forgot his grandson’s name
And gave me a living vegetable
That some people think is lame.
The old guy’s grandson challenged me
To a battle without gore
And I showed the power of friendship
Via my brand-new bulbasaur.
From that point on my journey
Is a blur of fallen foes
From Brock, Misty, and zubats
To a couple missingnos.
Somehow grandson Noname
Was always a step ahead
But I met him in Vermillion
And made his Raticate dead.
Then I beat organized crime,
Filled an encyclopedia,
Became the champion of the world
Without even leech-seeding ya’.
I am in fact the very best
So between you and me
I think the secret to success
Is skipping puberty.
Filed under Poems
They said man wouldn’t walk on the moon
But a few brave souls proved them wrong.
People still pay to see an opera by Wagner
That’s more than 24 hours long.
People say “finding your passion” is silly
But it sounds like a solid idea to me.
But we’ll never have a Jurassic Park movie
Featuring common sense and decent security.
Filed under Poems
Twenty years or so before
I turned the age of 24
I feared to give a paper heart
To that one special lass.
Ten years after, now 14
I’ve had my eye on other queens
But my feeling for the paper heart girl
Never seems to pass.
In the present world we find
Our troubled and still childish mind
Called to give the other sex
Eternal loyalty.
I’m loyal to who understands
My paper heart and shaking hands.
Does she still exist? Perhaps
In ten more years we’ll see.
Filed under Poems
There is no good or evil,
Just what we like or don’t.
Nothing is impossible,
Only what we will or won’t.
For every fearful sceptic
Who says “Man cannot fly”
There is Wright or Icarus
Who’s laughing from the sky.
You’ll be blessed with many Yeses
For every worldly No.
Will you risk Youtube infamy
To give your dream a go?
Filed under Poems
My dream is not too grandiose;
It’s simply to be less verbose.
Filed under Poems
Being human is great
But the best thing to be
Reincarnated as
(According to me)
Is the inside part
Of the roof of a home
‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient
And people leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
