Tag Archives: Dreams

The Stakes Are Low And The Cakes Are Dry

I baked a cake in the microwave,

Forgot my keys, chose not to shave.

I wore white jeans after labor day

And yet somehow I’m still okay.

I woke up at 6:00 and stayed in bed ’til noon,

Thinking both times were a bit too soon.

I left dishes in the sink and clothes on the line

Yet somehow the world turned out just fine.

I freudian-slipped that Rosebud was a sled

And nobody minded or ended up dead.

I’ve done this and more and I won’t lie:

It’s great to be a single guy!


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Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

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The True MVP!

When you’re young, people ask

“What do you want to be

“When you grow up,” and today

I found my answer (finally)!

I want to be the guy whose job’s

To be the obscure-stats fairy

And Google crap that nobody knows

And tell the guys doing commentary

So when the score is 12-8

In a game involving someone named “Lou”

Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened

Since 1962!

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And, Somewhere, A Naked Professor Sheds A Tear Over His Sushi And Immediately Regrets It…

If wishes were fishes

We’d eat way more trout,

If thoughts were diplomas

We’d have much more clout,

If logic were clothing

We’d mostly be nude,

But if teardrops were onions

We’d really be screwed.

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Aria for Happy Fools and Background Noise

Our lives are like a song

In a language we don’t know.

Our feet tap to the beat of the world

When we feel that special flow.

It starts out as a whisper

And builds into the cry

Of a baby with the will to sing

But no knowledge how or why.

It may turn many corners.

It changes every verse.

The song always gets better

Even if it may sound worse.

Some songs will stop too suddenly

And some go on too long.

Since we don’t know what we’re singing

Why care if something’s wrong?

You can sing however’s comfortable.

When all is said and sung

I hope I’m singing nonsense

‘Til I get my iron lung!

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Gray steam rises from the sod

Obscuring the outlines

Of eleven men who would be God

If their teammates become so first.

The sky is darkness no one sees

Behind the lightning wall.

The crowd is warm despite the breeze

And bravado shields a heart’s true thirst.

A coin is flipped, a ball is thrown,

And bodies slowly shatter,

A ring is forever. A broken bone?

A pittance to the undying.

And so they fight, part man, part boy

So does decay commence.

They’ll either bottle tears of joy.

Or else just end up crying.

Here we see the warriors die,

Although they call it play,

Our voice is one great battle cry

To lend the few our will.

No longer are our swords so deft,

But fantasy’s alive.

Long ago the dragons left,

But here there’s magic still.

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Last Time I’ll Use Tinder! (AKA Morning Head)

This morning I woke up in Heaven

In my bed at 10:43.

The sun glowed gold. I smiled

And your face smiled back at me.

The coffee and breakfast was ready

With a whole day to spend with my queen.

I looked back at your face and realized

Your body was nowhere to be seen.

Turns out to awaken in Heaven

Is not always as nice as it seems,

Or so I discovered when angels

Began to harmonize songs with my screams.

As I woke back on Earth to the thunder

All pale, sweaty, cold, and alone

I realized Heaven’s got its downsides

And sometimes there’s no place like home.

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