My dream is not too grandiose;
It’s simply to be less verbose.
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Tag Archives: Dreams
When Your Eternal Soul Is An Introvert
Being human is great
But the best thing to be
Reincarnated as
(According to me)
Is the inside part
Of the roof of a home
‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient
And people leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps It’s Good Not To Remember Your Dreams
“Cyber chickens do not deserve Yolanda”
Was the first thought to pop into my head
When I sat down to write today’s poem
After exiting my way-too-comfy bed.
I don’t know the meaning of that musing
And likely it has no meaning at all
But if you are Yolanda do not settle
For a cyber chicken who isn’t on the ball.
Filed under Poems
The Stakes Are Low And The Cakes Are Dry
I baked a cake in the microwave,
Forgot my keys, chose not to shave.
I wore white jeans after labor day
And yet somehow I’m still okay.
I woke up at 6:00 and stayed in bed ’til noon,
Thinking both times were a bit too soon.
I left dishes in the sink and clothes on the line
Yet somehow the world turned out just fine.
I freudian-slipped that Rosebud was a sled
And nobody minded or ended up dead.
I’ve done this and more and I won’t lie:
It’s great to be a single guy!
Filed under Poems
Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!
When one says “I must be dreaming”
(Implying you’re something they snoozed)
You should slap them with a chicken
Just to make them more confused.
An alligator also works
But they’re tougher to hide.
Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic
I find it’s best to stay inside.
Filed under Poems
The True MVP!
When you’re young, people ask
“What do you want to be
“When you grow up,” and today
I found my answer (finally)!
I want to be the guy whose job’s
To be the obscure-stats fairy
And Google crap that nobody knows
And tell the guys doing commentary
So when the score is 12-8
In a game involving someone named “Lou”
Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened
Since 1962!
Filed under Poems
And, Somewhere, A Naked Professor Sheds A Tear Over His Sushi And Immediately Regrets It…
If wishes were fishes
We’d eat way more trout,
If thoughts were diplomas
We’d have much more clout,
If logic were clothing
We’d mostly be nude,
But if teardrops were onions
We’d really be screwed.
Filed under Poems
