If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe
A billion dollars cash
He could buy a whole lot of cattle
And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,
But if you give an American guy
A billion dollars worth of cattle
He can send his enemies cow poop
For the rest of his life,
So who’s the real winner?
If you see a cow
Running o’er the fields of Maine
Please tell her that I was wrong
And to please come home again.
I visited a farm
When I was a Sophomore
Where I met a cow named Landeskog,
The only Swedish cow I’d seen before.
Later, when I was eating lunch,
A pack of mac and cheese,
Landeskog started crying
Right on my macaronis.
So all the tedious lead up
That has been this vignetti
Is to tell you of the time I had
Swedish meat bawl on my spaghetti.
Well Jeb, he was a farmer
Workin’ at a dairy.
He milked the cows,
he worked the plows,
Side by side with his loving wife, Mary.
But as a man he had an urge
To power up his life.
So he ate corned beef hash
and saved up his cash
And bought a gift for his wife.
Well Jeb, he covered Mary’s eyes
And led her to the field,
Where there waited a bull,
its proverbial tank full
And its eyes gleaming like a windshield.
“He does zero to 20 in an eighth of a second,”
Jeb boasted, feeling swell.
“He’s got lots of meat,
and a leather seat
And he sings farmer in the dell!”
Mary, well, she had her doubts.
“How much did you pay for this bull?”
“Just a hundred and ten,”
Jeb answered, and then
Mary, a tantrum did pull.
So Jeb had to return his fancy bull
To the fancy bull guy. What a bummer!
But he got his way
The very next day
When he purchased a shiny new hummer.