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September 7, 2017 · 9:03 pm

An Anthem For Literally Everywhere

My country is beautiful

Full of water, land, and sky,

Led by sociopathic imbeciles

Who claim to give a shit for you and I.

My country’s beautiful,

A land of both of friendship and romance;

A land whose population is primarily

The offspring of those who can’t keep it in their pants.

My country is exceptional in one way

And mostly mediocre in the rest

And although I cannot cite a reason

I’m thoroughly convinced it is the best!

So once again we praise this lovely nation

Via trite and yet inspiring bits of song

Imposed upon us by slave-driving overlords

(Who, by the way, are never, ever wrong).

Oh say can you see
By the fluorescent lights
That red flag you sought out
On their online profile,

That was written so well,
Focused on good highlights
But it failed to reveal
All the things that were vile.

As the waiters brings food
And your date wrecks the mood
By reciting some thoughts
That are terribly lewd.

“Oh say, did you notice
It’s getting too late for me.
“This was a very special night,”
You lie as you flee.