If you think you need
To drive a faster speed
When your car’s ahead of mine
Then all is good and fine.
If you would go faster
When behind me, I’m your master.
Yes, that makes me a jerk
But oh boy does it work!
Tag Archives: Life
Back To Normal
I went on a trip for 5 days
And I’m grateful in so many ways
To be home once again
Where in peace I can pen
Five-line poems that fail to amaze
Filed under Poems
Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!
You think because you aren’t paid well
And work a lot of hours
Doing work you don’t enjoy
And your outlook on life sours
That means you have a lousy job?
Your misery sorely pales
To the job of being the fish they feed
To the SeaWorld killer whales.
Filed under Poems
New Year, New Ads
A week ago every TV ad
Showed deals on toys and tech.
Now the ads show deals
On food and weight loss. What the heck?
Oh, yeah! Because the year went up
It’s time to be a better you
And thanks to marketing execs
We’ll know just what to do:
Throw money at the products
That say you’ll have more time,
A slimmer waist and better feet
And less suburban crime.
You’ll save a baby elephant
If you buy our fancy knife
And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)
You’ll live a better life.
I, for one, am grateful
To view these free educational shows.
Now excuse me while I lose some weight
And my magically regrows.
Filed under Poems
Knowing When To Quit
No matter who you’re with
And no matter who you are
There will always be one person
Who goes a bit too far.
They’ll give a speech a bit too long
Or play one piece too many
And when you look for the shits they give
You find that there aren’t any.
If you know this person
I hope you wish them well.
If you are that person
Good riddance! Go to hell.
Filed under Poems
What Do Poets Do At Night? The True Story Revealed!
Tonight I stayed home to guarantee
I could sign up for an event at 6:00 PM.
I spent most of the afternoon watching TV,
Specifically the Seahawks get their ass handed to them.
I was also playing video games
And burning wood to keep my house hot.
I had an awesome time doing everything but
Did I sign up for the event? No I did not.
I spent an evening by myself
Eating cookies and shouting “Dude!”
At the TV, so although I’m a dumby
My man card’s 1,000-percent renewed!
Filed under Poems
Somewhere In California
My man bought a Tesla
Which would normally be fun
But it came with a purse
And his hair’s now a bun.
I told him I liked him
Because he was manly.
Now he’s leaving me
For his old roommate, Stanley.
Filed under Poems
Growing Up
It snowed! It snowed!
Hip-hippidy-hoodle!
It’s fluffy and white
And a plush poofy poodle.
They’ll close all the schools
And as a result
I’ll be even more disappointed
That I’m an adult.
Filed under Poems
Plus A Lot More 😁
I’m grateful for puppies
That eat the whipped cream
That we spray on their paws while they sleep,
I’m grateful for holidays
That involve candy
But nowhere to be seen is a Peep,
I’m grateful for readers
Who tolerate poems
That are four lines or less when I’m tired,
And I’m grateful for days
With a built-in theme
Because I can pretend I’m inspired.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 