Today I saw one per cent milk
And so I gave my mom a holler.
Turns it it’s just crappy milk,
Not 100 milks for a dollar.
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Tag Archives: Life
Social Media Arguments
If you’d rather win than be happy
And you’d rather be happy than right
You may be a dumb git
And you’ll feel like shit
But hey! You won that Facebook fight.
Filed under Poems
Double Standard Alert!
If a woman sleeps with 20 men
She’s empowered, so that’s okay,
Yet if I sleep with 20 men
Somehow that makes me gay?
Filed under Poems
A Historically Accurate Transcription Of Events Preceding The Invention Of The Microwave Oven
In 1920 some guy said
“A thought just poppethed into mine head.”
His peer responded “Tell me sir,
“What thought does cause thine brain to stir?”
Some guy then said, in a manner quite prickly,
“What if I had a box that heated food quickly?”
His peer replied “Your thought is bold,
“But how about heating the plate and leaving the food cold?”
Filed under Poems
Jesus Bought The DLC
I think that when you die
You just wake up in a dark room
And someone tells you
“Your free trial of Life has expired”
And you have to make a new email address
‘Cause you’re poor.
Filed under Poems
A Near Miss
I was feeling unfulfilled
As I browsed the worldwide web.
My loneliness was at its peak,
My energy at ebb.
Then I saw an advertisement
That said “Hot Singles Near You.”
I turned on my ad blocker
And was lonely again. Phew!
Filed under Poems
It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes
Yesterday I wrote two poems.
I feel like a dunce.
I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)
But it got published at once.
Because of my mistake that day
You must hear me now annunc…
Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless
And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”
Filed under Poems
