Tag Archives: Life

Driver’s Etiquette

If you think you need

To drive a faster speed

When your car’s ahead of mine

Then all is good and fine.

If you would go faster

When behind me, I’m your master.

Yes, that makes me a jerk

But oh boy does it work!

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Back To Normal

I went on a trip for 5 days

And I’m grateful in so many ways

To be home once again

Where in peace I can pen

Five-line poems that fail to amaze

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Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!

You think because you aren’t paid well

And work a lot of hours

Doing work you don’t enjoy

And your outlook on life sours

That means you have a lousy job?

Your misery sorely pales

To the job of being the fish they feed

To the SeaWorld killer whales.

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A Man Has ArachNeeds

I spent weeks building my mansion,

A perfect family house

Where I can raise my children.

Despite my lack of a spouse.

But then you came and ruined it,

Just smashed it with your face

And then you said it’s my fault?

You’re a great disgrace!

It took me lots of time and silk

To spin my home, and sure

It’s exactly at eye-level for you

And right on your front door…

But still! You should apologize!

What’s that? You won’t? Well then

I guess I’ll have to get revenge

By crawling on you when you sleep again…

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New Year, New Ads

A week ago every TV ad

Showed deals on toys and tech.

Now the ads show deals

On food and weight loss. What the heck?

Oh, yeah! Because the year went up

It’s time to be a better you

And thanks to marketing execs

We’ll know just what to do:

Throw money at the products

That say you’ll have more time,

A slimmer waist and better feet

And less suburban crime.

You’ll save a baby elephant

If you buy our fancy knife

And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)

You’ll live a better life.

I, for one, am grateful

To view these free educational shows.

Now excuse me while I lose some weight

And my magically regrows.

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Knowing When To Quit

No matter who you’re with

And no matter who you are

There will always be one person

Who goes a bit too far.

They’ll give a speech a bit too long

Or play one piece too many

And when you look for the shits they give

You find that there aren’t any.

If you know this person

I hope you wish them well.

If you are that person

Good riddance! Go to hell.

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What Do Poets Do At Night? The True Story Revealed!

Tonight I stayed home to guarantee

I could sign up for an event at 6:00 PM.

I spent most of the afternoon watching TV,

Specifically the Seahawks get their ass handed to them.

I was also playing video games

And burning wood to keep my house hot.

I had an awesome time doing everything but

Did I sign up for the event? No I did not.

I spent an evening by myself

Eating cookies and shouting “Dude!”

At the TV, so although I’m a dumby

My man card’s 1,000-percent renewed!

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Somewhere In California

My man bought a Tesla

Which would normally be fun

But it came with a purse

And his hair’s now a bun.

I told him I liked him

Because he was manly.

Now he’s leaving me

For his old roommate, Stanley.

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Growing Up

It snowed! It snowed!

Hip-hippidy-hoodle!

It’s fluffy and white

And a plush poofy poodle.

They’ll close all the schools

And as a result

I’ll be even more disappointed

That I’m an adult.

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Plus A Lot More 😁

I’m grateful for puppies

That eat the whipped cream

That we spray on their paws while they sleep,

I’m grateful for holidays

That involve candy

But nowhere to be seen is a Peep,

I’m grateful for readers

Who tolerate poems

That are four lines or less when I’m tired,

And I’m grateful for days

With a built-in theme

Because I can pretend I’m inspired.

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