Tag Archives: Life

Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Today I saw one per cent milk

And so I gave my mom a holler.

Turns it it’s just crappy milk,

Not 100 milks for a dollar.

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Social Media Arguments

If you’d rather win than be happy

And you’d rather be happy than right

You may be a dumb git

And you’ll feel like shit

But hey! You won that Facebook fight.

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Double Standard Alert!

If a woman sleeps with 20 men

She’s empowered, so that’s okay,

Yet if I sleep with 20 men

Somehow that makes me gay?

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A Historically Accurate Transcription Of Events Preceding The Invention Of The Microwave Oven

In 1920 some guy said

“A thought just poppethed into mine head.”

His peer responded “Tell me sir,

“What thought does cause thine brain to stir?”

Some guy then said, in a manner quite prickly,

“What if I had a box that heated food quickly?”

His peer replied “Your thought is bold,

“But how about heating the plate and leaving the food cold?”

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Jesus Bought The DLC

I think that when you die

You just wake up in a dark room

And someone tells you

“Your free trial of Life has expired”

And you have to make a new email address

‘Cause you’re poor.

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A Near Miss

I was feeling unfulfilled

As I browsed the worldwide web.

My loneliness was at its peak,

My energy at ebb.

Then I saw an advertisement

That said “Hot Singles Near You.”

I turned on my ad blocker

And was lonely again. Phew!

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It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes

Yesterday I wrote two poems.

I feel like a dunce.

I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)

But it got published at once.

Because of my mistake that day

You must hear me now annunc…

Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless

And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”

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