Tag Archives: Life

Hidden In Plain Sight

I am the bird who built her nest

Beside the onramp to I5.

On the road mens’ eyes are glued

As they drive to their servitude.

Millions see me every day

But almost none will notice.

They lose the chance to look at me

Because they have somewhere to be.

I eat a bug and flap my wings

And smell fresh air and gasoline.

They think they need the Earth and Sky

And long for what they cannot buy.

They can fly to planets

I’ll never know exist,

Yet I don’t mind my being small.

I am the freest of them all.

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“The Lousy Microwave” (Because I Spent All My Time On The Poem Instead Of The Title Today)

I have a lousy microwave.

It’s very very slow.

It take about two minutes

To melt a ball of snow.

If you want to boil water

A half an hour should do

And if you ever cook some soup

Go watch a film or two.

Your vegetables will not be steamed.

Your corn will not be popped.

The minute that you start it

It has already stopped.

It’s starting to annoy me

And get under my skin

And now I’ll either throw it out

Or try to plug it in.

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Ignorance Is Bliss

Our childish dreams are warm

Beneath the blanket of unknowing,

Our sensibilities secure

All thanks to lack of growing.

Dulcet and desultory,

With ease we are besot,

Avoiding the obstreperous

And things requiring thought.

We swim in tranquil waters

As our bones turn into lard.

Our brains become decrepit

As we hide from all that’s hard.

The deities of comfort

Sanctify our mindless chatter,

A lullaby to help forget

Our lives don’t really matter.

When hunger or reality

Force us, languid, to act

We choose harmony of feelings

Over cacophony of fact,

And thus have we who worship

Our mirror’s charming sheen

Learned to pray for ignorance

So that we may die serene.

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The Making Of Shrek 3 (‘Cause 1 and 2 Are Genius)

There once was a movie

That featured a fart

And, in children, it inspired laughter.

And so it was decreed

That fart jokes were a need

In all movies for children thereafter.

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First, Do No Harm

Today I’ve done nothing

But sit on my butt.

I woke up, closed the blinds,

Checked the door (locked and shut)

Then reveled for hours

Of sedentary bliss

Never once caring

About what I might miss.

And as nothing happened

For a fair bit of time

I had no new ideas

And committed no crime,

Consumed no nutrition

And didn’t make noise,

And somehow refrained

From molesting young boys.

I didn’t feel sadness,

Nor did I have fun

So for sunday the score is:

Catholics: 0, Poet: 1

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The Second-Greatest Invention Of All Time Was A Cutting Device

The greatest invention of all time

Was the invention of paper

Not because it simplified written language

Or made knowledge portable,

But because it drastically reduced the number of ties

In the popular game of “Rock.”

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In Other Words, Nothing Alike

Life is like a romantic comedy

Except there’s more than one fat person in the world

And nobody finds love in an airport.

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