*Beeps*
Finds chair
Stands on chair
Falls of the chair
Gets back up again
Pries alarm off the wall
Puts new batteries in it
Replaces the smoke detector
Returns to bed at 3:00 AM
*Beeps*
Tag Archives: Life
You Know A Guy…
No one will ever be recognized
For an honor they rightfully earned;
There’s a record that this person holds
For which they might be spurned,
Mocked, even berated,
But no one will know that they can.
This honor is the dubious record
For the world’s most forgettable man.
The books won’t remember his nothing.
The films won’t remember his lame.
His funeral will be unattended
For none will remember his name.
Maybe he’s already out there,
Anonymous, without a clue,
But if you keep just reading that Powerpoint
That person may just yet be you.
Filed under Poems
The Best Medicine
Moreso than drugs or heart disease,
Moreso than any tumor,
Most tragedies in life are caused
By lacking a sense of humor.
Filed under Poems
Reachable Goals
I hope someday AI
Will steal something I make
And put it on a motivational poster
That a kid will learn is fake
And that the insincere message
Will be that child’s final straw
And they’ll achieve cynical nirvana.
Is that a character flaw?
Filed under Poems
Why Don’t YouWant To Grow Up And Get A Job?
Bob works on an oil rig
And thinks it’s a real nice gig
Despite the never being warm,
Likelihood of death, and unending storm.
Jane sell pictures of her feet
And also thinks it’s real neat.
She’s richer than Bob, but feels depressed
Because she’s historically oppressed.
Meanwhile, Greg’s a CEO.
What does he do? How should I know?
But I know he lives much like a royal
With abundant feet pics and plenty of oil.
Filed under Poems
Just Add A Polo And Eight Hours Of Foot Fatigue
Yes sir, good morning, and how do you do?
That’s wonderful, really. I’m fine, how are you?
You mean it? That’s awesome! Ya know, that’s so true!
Thanks for your business. Bye bye now! (Pee-yew)
Filed under Poems
Win/Win, Nerd Style
Instead of all the low-income housing
Why can’t we build a castle or six
And all of the nerds will move in there
And the poor get the houses of sticks?
Filed under Poems
Earth 2026: It’s In The Game
I think that God has outsourced
The world to EA Games
‘Cause every year the same stuff breaks
But just with different names,
The upgrades aren’t what we request
And some good features get lost
Yet somehow we get nothing
That explains the rising cost.
A year or so ago this thought
Would seem a funny meme
But current events might indicate
It’s truer than it seems…
A world that’s run by CEOs
That, year after year, never change?
Now I’m convinced this theory
Isn’t really all that strange.
Filed under Poems
When Your Economics Professor Has To Talk His Way Out Of A Shady Deal
If you sell your soul to the devil
And try to buy it back
You’ll find Beelzebub unwilling
To grant you any slack,
But if you do convince him
You’ll need to pay back more
Than whatever you decided
To originally sell it for.
This proves that souls are subject
To monetary inflation
As non-fungible timeless artifacts
With finite monetary evaluations
And thus I say a human life
Gets more valuable with age
From a monetary point of view.
Now let me out of this cage.
Filed under Poems
What I Learned In Acting Class
Growing up means being sleepy
But working anyway,
Trying hard to not be creepy
While you earn your pay,
And maybe plotting a murder or two
But not giving that away.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 