‘Twas 31 days before Halloween
And all through the shops
Christmas music was playing…
Should I call the cops?
Tag Archives: Life
Love Y’all, Good Night
I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday
That apparently nobody read.
If you’re unsatisfied with this poem
Go read some of that crap instead.
Filed under Poems
True Love, 2022
Upon the sofa down we sat,
Eating ice cream, happy, fat,
Eyes on the TV, wearing no pants:
This is my ideal of romance!
Filed under Poems
Man’s Real Best Friend
Everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
That smiles when you hug it or throw it or yank it;
It can soothe pain and dry off your tears
And it does so for free over hundreds of years.
When Summer is hot and you lie on the grass
It holds all your food and keeps bugs off your ass.
When Winter is cold and the sky is all gray
The blanket will escort the darkness away.
A blanket can act as a robe in a bind
And a tangle of blankets can help you unwind.
Yes, everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
So next time you see one, remember to thank it.
Filed under Poems
How Covid REALLY Started
The school buses are back on the roads
And people are not happy.
They carry children by the loads
And make the traffic crappy.
What if instead of the buses
All the kids just stayed home sick?
Sure, the minuses outweigh the pluses
But the traffic would go quick!
Filed under Poems
All The Low Notes, All At Once, Fortissimo… An Unexpected Climax
Men, you probably know by now
About romantic passion,
And how the ambiance before
Takes quite a bit to fashion.
One must say the secret words
To snare a woman’s heart
And have stamina and strength enough
To delay that tempting fart.
Tonight I learned another step
That our ancestors did
That promoted procreation:
They closed the piano keyboard lid.
Alas, I lacked their wisdom
And an Earth that might have shaken
Is now not more than legend
Thanks to the route the cat has taken.
Filed under Poems
*Grunt, Impale Worm On Hook, Lifelong Companion*
Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
Guess What I’m Doing After Writing This?
When someone says “When was your last shower”
And you honestly can’t remember
That’s what most folks call “disgusting.”
I call it “September”.
Filed under Poems
Linguistic History 101
I love how someone decided
That they could just combine
Two words and make another word
And act like it was fine.
So came about such portmanteaus
As “Sandpaper” and “Sweatshirt”,
And even though no harm was done
I’m feeling kind of butt-hurt.
And how come some compound words
Need to be hyphenated?
Like cross-eye, but not loveseat?
Is anyone else devastated?
Apparently the jury’s out
And no one cares but me.
I think I’ll solve this once and for all
By founding Germany.
Filed under Poems
Moving Up In The World
He’s standing on the sidewalk
Dancing with a sign
Because the company on the corner
Wants more people to be buyin’.
He’s singing to the hip-hop song
That only he can hear
Until his phone says 5:00 O’clock
And he can disappear.
His spirit’s probably broken
And he really has to pee,
But at least he makes more money
Than I do with poetry.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 