Tag Archives: Life

Fade To Black

To the victor go the spoils,

The diamonds and the oils,

The right to raise a flag above

A world that’s not their own.

To the losers, the defeated,

Goes an anger ever-heated,

Simmering for generations

Within each descendant’s bone.

To the watchers, the supporters,

Pulling strings and giving orders

Goes a power of oppression

And, with it, endless pain.

To the peaceful, to the no one,

Goes the best life in the long run,

Remembered in the darkness

Which always will remain.


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When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong

She asked to buy a stove,

A stove she could love.

They asked at what cost?

“The one that costs the most.”

They heard what she said

And watched as she paid.

Then they helped her move

The new stove, her love.

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Preseason Problems

My girlfriend came home one day,

Just walked in through the kitchen door.

“Do you like my new haircut?”

I asked “What team’s Mynu play for?”

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Walmart 8: 3-9

3: The disciples were doubtful

4: And they said “Lord, it cannot be done, for no man hath ever done it

5: But Jesus said “Do not be doubtful or have doubt or other synonyms for uncertainty.”

6: And he scanned the first item and placed it in the bagging area.

7: But there was no alarm or error message, and no staff member had to enter an arbitrary code to validate that the avocados were indeed on sale, and the whole purpose of the self checkout was not rendered moot.

8: The disciples were shocked and declared “Jesus Christ!”

9: And Jesus was all like “yeah bro. Nothing is impossible ’cause God.”

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Better Than A Polygraph

They say you can spot a killer

Or persons of criminal ilk

By offering them cocoa puffs.

(Run if they pour out the milk).

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My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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My Attempt At Humanism Before I Interact With The Public Today

If you weigh 400 pounds

And sit beside me on a plane

I do not hate you as a person

But I still think you’re a pain.

If you say “fuck” like girls say “like”

And I am with my 6-year-old

I do not hate you as a person

But I hope you die before you’re old.

If you blast rap at 1:00 AM

And I wake up for work at 5:00

I do not hate you as a person

But I do wish you were not alive.

If you recast my favorite film

And the final movie turns out bad

I do not hate the cast or crew

But the fact remains I feel sad,

So if my feeling isn’t yours

‘Cause you are you and I am me

It doesn’t mean I hate your guts;

I dislike you with empathy.

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