Tag Archives: Cheerleaders

Pomp(oms) and Circumstance

Cheerleaders always turned me on

Since I was a boy of 10,

So when Biden got elected

I was delighted that CNN

And every major outlet

Of mainstream American news

Became unabashed cheerleaders

Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”

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Christian School Cheerleaders

When I was going to middle school

I attended an institution

Which followed Christian philosophy

As a sort of constitution.


When I went to high school, I made sure

That It was public, ’cause see here,

Public schools, unlike Christian ones,

Have squads of young leaders of cheer.


And frankly, I don’t think it’s fair

That those good Christian girls

Shouldn’t have the same oppurtunity

To shout inanities and do kicks and twirls,


So I assembled a brief list

Of appropriate Christian cheers.

So now still be Christian

And be immodest in your high school years:


Moses brought commandments a long time ago!
Jesus died on the cross to redeem your soul!
Goooooooo PURITANS!
Jesus crossed the Galilee!
Now we’ll high-kick modestly!

How many goals we got? THREE!
How many goals they got? NUN!

Jesus loves the home team, and the visitors too!
But we now who is gonna win, and we hope that you do too!
On the first day God created light!
But today we’ll honor him and FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
Goooooooo be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. ”

In other news, I’m going to Hell.

The weather’s nasty, but the Company’s swell.

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Filed under Poems, To the Reader