Tag Archives: Politics

The Quickest Of Ego Boosts

If you’re feeling blue

Because Summer turned to Fall

Just change your name to Brandon

And learn to love football.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If You Didn’t Say “Word” After This, You Ain’t Black

I was in the white house and I was like “Hey

“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”

And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”

But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”

I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’

On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’

Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,

But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The New Normal

Conforming is courage.

Sameness is unique.

Silence is violence

So we all must speak,

But if you speak other

Than what we agree

The only conclusion

Is patriarchy!

Everyone’s special

Except for the whites

And all men, plus women

Who want to have rights.

Such people are dangers

To our peaceful views

Unless they are silenced

By endless bad news.

“The truth” is old-fashioned.

“Your truth” will prevail.

If there are no winners

Then no one can fail!

So dye your hair purple

And get your tattoos

And be one of us rebels

Who share the same views.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever

Roses are red.

Biden is tired.

The guy who holds his “applause” sign

Apparently got fired.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Today’s White House News

Today a man who made himself

And all his staff exempt

From being vaccinated

Most audaciously has dreamt

That those who didn’t get a shot

That doesn’t stop the spread

Are somehow the ones responsible

That twelve more folks are dead.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

“F*ck Your Freedom” -Howard Stern

Last year we learned about a cold

That you can’t tell if you’ve got

So the only logical thing to do

Is mandate a mystery shot

That does not stop the spreading

Or the catching of diseases

Because, after all, our liberty

Is whatever our overlord pleases.

Just because it caused a clot

That killed my uncle Stu

Doesn’t mean it isn’t something

Everyone must do!

So why not be a good little sheep

And get your Covid shot?

And if you do in the next 12 hours

We’ll give you some free pot!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Middle Class White People

Today I drove home on a road full of cracks

Past a tent city filled with the needy

To hear how the state gave 85 billion

To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture

Deep in the woods by a little green lake

Lived a man who had never been sad.

His life was just joy from the start to today,

Never once punctuated by bad.

He called the birds and the frogs company

And sang to the wood he would stack…

But all of that changed when he saw CNN

And learned what it meant to be black:

He learned that despite being happy and free

His life was defined by oppression

And how being equal to everyone else

Was the only worthwhile obsession.

He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until

He heard an inspiring call:

He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden

And thus wasn’t black after all!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Independence

Today we set off tiny bombs

And cook our meat outside

To celebrate the freedom

That we’re missing nationwide.

We sing about a starry flag

And amber waves of grain

While people we dislike like tell us

To proudly wear a chain.

The news stops all-day coverage

Of outrage today to share:

“Our founding fathers owned some slaves

And why we ought to care.“

We are still the people

Who are governed with consent;

It is what the founding fathers wrote

And it is what they meant.

So as I celebrate the flag

And eat my apple pie

I’m thankful I still own myself;

I will live free or die.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits

When I said “I like my coffee

“Like my women: Sweet and black.”

My coworker decided

That was a personal attack.

She called the supervisor

Just to say she was offended

And just like that I found I was,

Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.

But now my luck has turned around

And I see that I’m blessed.

I can’t be an oppressor

If I am, in fact, oppressed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems