If you’re feeling blue
Because Summer turned to Fall
Just change your name to Brandon
And learn to love football.
Tag Archives: Politics
If You Didn’t Say “Word” After This, You Ain’t Black
I was in the white house and I was like “Hey
“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”
And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”
But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”
I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’
On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’
Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,
But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!
Filed under Poems
The New Normal
Conforming is courage.
Sameness is unique.
Silence is violence
So we all must speak,
But if you speak other
Than what we agree
The only conclusion
Is patriarchy!
Everyone’s special
Except for the whites
And all men, plus women
Who want to have rights.
Such people are dangers
To our peaceful views
Unless they are silenced
By endless bad news.
“The truth” is old-fashioned.
“Your truth” will prevail.
If there are no winners
Then no one can fail!
So dye your hair purple
And get your tattoos
And be one of us rebels
Who share the same views.
Filed under Poems
The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever
Roses are red.
Biden is tired.
The guy who holds his “applause” sign
Apparently got fired.
Filed under Poems
Today’s White House News
Today a man who made himself
And all his staff exempt
From being vaccinated
Most audaciously has dreamt
That those who didn’t get a shot
That doesn’t stop the spread
Are somehow the ones responsible
That twelve more folks are dead.
Filed under Poems
“F*ck Your Freedom” -Howard Stern
Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
Middle Class White People
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture
Deep in the woods by a little green lake
Lived a man who had never been sad.
His life was just joy from the start to today,
Never once punctuated by bad.
He called the birds and the frogs company
And sang to the wood he would stack…
But all of that changed when he saw CNN
And learned what it meant to be black:
He learned that despite being happy and free
His life was defined by oppression
And how being equal to everyone else
Was the only worthwhile obsession.
He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until
He heard an inspiring call:
He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden
And thus wasn’t black after all!
Filed under Poems
Independence
Today we set off tiny bombs
And cook our meat outside
To celebrate the freedom
That we’re missing nationwide.
We sing about a starry flag
And amber waves of grain
While people we dislike like tell us
To proudly wear a chain.
The news stops all-day coverage
Of outrage today to share:
“Our founding fathers owned some slaves
And why we ought to care.“
We are still the people
Who are governed with consent;
It is what the founding fathers wrote
And it is what they meant.
So as I celebrate the flag
And eat my apple pie
I’m thankful I still own myself;
I will live free or die.
Filed under Poems
How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits
When I said “I like my coffee
“Like my women: Sweet and black.”
My coworker decided
That was a personal attack.
She called the supervisor
Just to say she was offended
And just like that I found I was,
Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.
But now my luck has turned around
And I see that I’m blessed.
I can’t be an oppressor
If I am, in fact, oppressed.
Filed under Poems
