Tag Archives: Politics

My 2020 Endorsement

When I was a kid

I saw a film that changed my life

About a team of athletes

Who were suffering from strife.

They were not good at basketball

So they hired a dog to play.

If a dog can win a championship

Why not elect it, eh?

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Watching the Debates

What you need to know about ducks

Is not as important as the fact

That every day a million fish

Are, by some birds, attacked.

Those fish cannot defend themselves

Against these violent birds

And it’s time for us to take a stand

And learn to use our words.

When I held political office

In a non-avian related capacity

I realized that my constituents

Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.

Because of that, I make my case

That fish deserve love too

So vote for me in 2020

And also ducks. Thank you!

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NASCAR as a Political Metaphor

The Right

NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,

And know I think I know why:

They keep turning left over and over

Until they crash, burn, and die.

———————————————————–

The Left

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But the first guy does not understand:

If the drivers do not turn left fast enough

The kill random folks in the stands.

————————————————————

The Highly Intelligent

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But I prefer monster trucks.

At least we agree on the important stuff,

Which is to agree soccer sucks.

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Back Me Up, Caitlyn

I don’t call you “sir” ’cause I hate you.

I don’t call you “ma’am” to be a bigot.

I use words 99.4 percent of people

Will prefer to be called. Can you dig it?

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Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste

There’s an argument in the USA

About soccer teams and equal pay

‘Cause men got paid more overall

Despite the women winning all the way.

The other side of this tirade

Says the male players are underpaid

Because the revenue their team produced

Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.

Now how revenue or standings weigh

On the importance scale I can’t say.

The real question is, in 2019,

Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?

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When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…

“Everyone loves our movies”

Said the Disney corporation

As they embarked on making

Their next live-action adaptation.

“The only problem I can see”

Said a modern movie buff

“Is that your previous films

“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”

And so the Disney corporation

Began to turn away

Anyone who wasn’t brown

Or female or gay.

Now the Disney corporation

Isn’t evil, FYI

Despite their CEO Bob Iger

Being an old cis-hetero white guy.

We know he isn’t evil

And his movies aren’t trash

‘Cause anti-white discrimination

Is what brings Disney their cash

And money, after all,

Is what makes the world go round.

(Also, you know who to blame

If I go missing and am never found).

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The Other Declaration

Tomorrow is independence day

In the United States of A,

When lots of old guys wrote a thing

That basically said “Go suck it, King.”

But it’s a day not just about vacation.

Think of the day before the declaration

When patriots said, on that long past 3rd of July

“Holy crap, my dudes, we gonna die!”

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