Tag Archives: Politics

The American Way

You haven’t thought of pickles today

And you haven’t jumped a rope.

You haven’t kissed an armadillo

And you’ll never be the pope.

Your eyes aren’t orange like cinnamon

And you have a tooth smaller than your knee,

But if we voted for a different guy

You’ll probably disagree.

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Three Equally Feasible Ideals

Free college is nice

But some don’t want it.

Free healthcare is grand

But some people taunt it.

If we want to please

The entire USA

Pass a law that makes

Every day Saturday!

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Feel Free To Add More!

If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a republican town

It’s smart to hide in the welfare office

‘Cause that’s one place the Dems won’t burn down.

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If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a democratic city

You’ll get shot alright

But if you’re not white

No one will say anything that makes you feel shitty.

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If America falls into a second civil war

And California is wiped off the map

The quality of films will go through the roof

As long as you like that Japanese crap.

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My 2020 Endorsement

When I was a kid

I saw a film that changed my life

About a team of athletes

Who were suffering from strife.

They were not good at basketball

So they hired a dog to play.

If a dog can win a championship

Why not elect it, eh?

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Watching the Debates

What you need to know about ducks

Is not as important as the fact

That every day a million fish

Are, by some birds, attacked.

Those fish cannot defend themselves

Against these violent birds

And it’s time for us to take a stand

And learn to use our words.

When I held political office

In a non-avian related capacity

I realized that my constituents

Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.

Because of that, I make my case

That fish deserve love too

So vote for me in 2020

And also ducks. Thank you!

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NASCAR as a Political Metaphor

The Right

NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,

And know I think I know why:

They keep turning left over and over

Until they crash, burn, and die.

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The Left

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But the first guy does not understand:

If the drivers do not turn left fast enough

The kill random folks in the stands.

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The Highly Intelligent

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But I prefer monster trucks.

At least we agree on the important stuff,

Which is to agree soccer sucks.

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Back Me Up, Caitlyn

I don’t call you “sir” ’cause I hate you.

I don’t call you “ma’am” to be a bigot.

I use words 99.4 percent of people

Will prefer to be called. Can you dig it?

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