Tag Archives: Politics

It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture

Deep in the woods by a little green lake

Lived a man who had never been sad.

His life was just joy from the start to today,

Never once punctuated by bad.

He called the birds and the frogs company

And sang to the wood he would stack…

But all of that changed when he saw CNN

And learned what it meant to be black:

He learned that despite being happy and free

His life was defined by oppression

And how being equal to everyone else

Was the only worthwhile obsession.

He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until

He heard an inspiring call:

He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden

And thus wasn’t black after all!

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Independence

Today we set off tiny bombs

And cook our meat outside

To celebrate the freedom

That we’re missing nationwide.

We sing about a starry flag

And amber waves of grain

While people we dislike like tell us

To proudly wear a chain.

The news stops all-day coverage

Of outrage today to share:

“Our founding fathers owned some slaves

And why we ought to care.“

We are still the people

Who are governed with consent;

It is what the founding fathers wrote

And it is what they meant.

So as I celebrate the flag

And eat my apple pie

I’m thankful I still own myself;

I will live free or die.

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How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits

When I said “I like my coffee

“Like my women: Sweet and black.”

My coworker decided

That was a personal attack.

She called the supervisor

Just to say she was offended

And just like that I found I was,

Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.

But now my luck has turned around

And I see that I’m blessed.

I can’t be an oppressor

If I am, in fact, oppressed.

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Social Development Marches On

Once upon a time

A guy decided, “Hey

“What if I called people who

“I don’t agree with ‘Gay?'”

Everybody went along

Until a recent date

When some guy said, “What if instead

“We called bad people ‘Straight?'”

Then a third guy spoke his mind:

“Why not just disagree

“While still speaking with respect

“For our adversary?”

Guy one looked at guy two

And guy two said “Lol… gay!”

Then they lynched the third guy

And all conflict went away.

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When The Blue Car And The Red Car Are Both Racing Towards The Cliff But You Still Want Your Favorite Color To Win

If we elected a white guy

And he gave cash to everyone white

Most people would agree

That doesn’t seem morally right.

If we elected a black guy

To give cash to everyone black

Society would probably feel

Like their freedom was under attack.

If we elected a woman

Who gave money to everyone female

You can bet she’d receive

Her fair share of nasty email.

And yet we elected some rich guy

Who says “Rich folks aren’t taxed enough yet”

And then all the rich guys get richer

And nobody’s even upset?

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Remember 2009? Good Times!

It’s been 6 months since Trump got out

And despite the recent talks

Of hyperinflation, unemployment,

A border crisis, plunging stocks,

A gas pipeline disaster,

Covid deaths yet unabated,

And all the buildings burnt to ash

By those who “demonstrated”

We can all be thankful

That our country’s back on track.

In other news: Pot charged with hate speech

For calling Kettle black.

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Guest Poem From An Anonymous World Leader

There was a, um, a a a flower?

And it has, you know, plants,

And some are yellow and some are blue

But that doesn’t change that they’re green

On their, um, stalks or stems or something.

And when I smell them

Wait, they said don’t say smelling…

Flowers are green and and and thank you good morning!

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The New American Dream

Anti-racism

Is when white people

Protest against white people

For being white.

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You Get Equality! And You Get Equality! Everybody Gets Equality!

A growing social concern

That, to us, recently came

And affects the common person

Is Inequality of Fame.

Some folks are very famous

And some people are not

And it’s patently unfair

And it ain’t how it ought.

I suggest a policy

Wherein all people must

Create a social profile

With a media giant we trust

And exactly one trillion people

And never more or less

Must follow every profile

So society won’t regress.

If everybody’s famous

We’ll have perfect mental health.

Then maybe a trillion dollar minimum wage

Can do the same for wealth!

Update: It’s come to this poet’s attention that white, heterosexual, natal-males still exist, so this probably won’t happen for a while.

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We Won… But At What Cost?

The “New World Order” people

And Illuminati really

Missed the point; That making people

Into sheep is kinda silly.

After all, who wants to conquer

A bunch of people dumb enough

To fall for propaganda

As insane as modern stuff?

The Vikings and the Mongols

Had at least old-fashioned pride,

And made sure that their detractors

Fought in wars and mostly died.

But today, old-fashioned values

Like rape and pillage have degraded

To where “rape” means being male

And “pillage” means “medicated.”

And so if all the people

That conspiracies suggest

Cancel all the good among us

And then rule o’er all the rest

I wish them much good fortune

When their conquest is complete.

They’ll starve in perfect harmony

While the cancelled grill their meat.

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