On this costumed Friday night
Prepare for that horrific sight
Of children walking down the street,
Threatening those who give no treat.
They’ve covered faces so you can’t see
Who are the ghouls you must ID,
And if they wear a “Frozen” dress
There are too many kids to guess.
So I placed upon my lawn
A maw to gape and a portal to yawn
To terrify all children who
Thought me a target of their coup.
I thought my safety was a sure thing.
Then the doorbell gave a ring.
‘Twas the Fantastic Four
Minus “the Thing.”
I thought to tell them “go away,”
But I knew TP would be my pay,
So I opened up my chocolate stash
And let the heroes loot my cache.
The sun had set, the clouds were gone
And the mob raged on and on.
Soon I’d no chocolate to give,
And I prayed that through the night I’d live.
Then eight soft footsteps reached my door
The doorbell rang, I knew for sure
My time had come, my fate was clear
As I opened the door for a herd of deer.
“Trick or Treat” the children shrieked,
As their loot bags bulged and noses leaked.
I handed out four boxes of floss,
And resigned myself to serenity’s loss.
What I didn’t know was just how fast
That heard of deer got the word passed
That the beige-house-guy on the grass knoll
Was some sort of a dentist… Mole.
And thus the mob departed fast,
And I had my peace at last.
I fall asleep and dreams appear
Of the toothbrushes I’ll give next year.
The Daily Travesty 