Today is the day
The trees come inside
And the children go out
In the ice and the snow.*
Why we bring in trees
Is a mystery to me
And why we take back the kids
I don’t rightfully know.
*If you looked at this asterisk
You may not be from Minnesota
Tag Archives: Children
I Don’t Know Who, But I Bet You’re Going To Tell Me
If your child is a knock-knocker
And you are a who’s-there-er
Then you probably know by now
You’ve made a huge parenting error.
Filed under Poems
After The Birth
In a bloody mass of who-knows-what
A tiny terror meets the world
The doctor slaps it on the butt
Then gives it to you, warm and curled.
Ten years later it has grown fangs
A whirling aura of disease,
It looks so cute behind its bangs,
But that hair is full of lice and fleas.
It makes a noise that never stops,
A high pitched whine, a piercing cry.
Alas, it seems to call you “pops”
So you cannot wish that it will die.
Someday it will become a beast
That eats your food and drives your car.
All your boundaries will be pushed
Until it knows its gone too far.
And then it leaves, all big and grown
Perhaps to university.
You wonder how the time has flown
Until it moves back in with a degree.
After a while it gets a job,
You get gray hair and shrink a bit,
And then you die and people sob
And people bury you and shit.
Your lives are done, your beast is weaned,
You’ve given all the vital talks.
Now from the grave you proudly beam
And watch the dryer eat its socks.
Filed under Poems
Playtime’s Over
Tiny white flakes
Fall past my window
Onto the sidewalk,
Each one unique,
Their lives so short.
Those kids got what they deserved
For early morning bed-jumping
With the window open.
Filed under Poems
Kids These Days
Plodding, panting, galivanting
Amidst the grassy park.
I see a cat. I don’t like that
So I conjure up a bark.
The cat runs off. I’m satisfied
And so I pee and drool.
Then mommy puts the leash back on
And we drive off to school.
Filed under Poems
Childish Dreams
As a child I planted bacon
To grow a bacon tree.
The others said it wouldn’t work,
But I said “wait and see.”
Summers passed and kids gree up.
The soil, it stayed flat.
My friends got educations,
But I’d no time for that.
Some guys got jobs and girlfriends.
I stuck with my feat though,
‘Cause one of these days my dreams will come true
And I will see my meat grow.
Filed under Poems
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butterfly
I wanted to collect butterflies,
But mom and dad said no.
I said “I’ll collect margarin flies instead.”
I sure told them so!
So here I’m sitting with my net
Wondering “where did they all go?”
Filed under Poems
North Dakota
Snow meanders from the sky,
Frozen water from up high.
It makes the children feel alive,
Enrages those who have to drive.
The snow is one foot deep, then two.
Sleds come out, and ice skates too.
Men and angels made of snow
Play with the children from below.
And all alone one child cries
As he comes to realize
That Californian girls and boys
Don’t get to share these little joys.
Then he gets comfort from his Dad.
Guess North Dakota’s not that bad.
Filed under Poems
Then The Parents Awoke
As a kid, when I slept
And shut my eyes
After a long day of play
I did never surmise
That my play for the day
Would be my demise.
I remember the first
Of those nights of odd sort.
I slept on the floor, for
My sleep was cut short
When my bedding escaped
To the pillow fort.
I prepared to lay siege
To my fortified sheets.
I grabbed my nerf guns
And a few cans of beets.
I’ll have quite a mess
When my mission completes…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 