Tag Archives: Pun

Modern Art

Harry stood on stage,

Took a deep breath,

And said, “The,” for forty days.

Every day another voice joined

For eleven and a half weeks.

On the forty first day,

Harry stood on stage,

Took another deep breath,

And said, “World,”

And the followers waited a day

Before echoing him.

And so it was that Harry

And the multitude who came after

Sang a round, “The World,” in eighty days.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Famous Last Words from History

Long ago, when Earth was young

And Blockbuster was a thing

My girlfriend wanted me to find

A Pixar film to bring

So we might watch a family film

Where balloons can lift a house

Because we already saw the ones

With Toys and the gourmet mouse.

So I left home that evening

O’er icy roads to see

If the Blockbuster Video

Would rent us ‘Up’ on DVD.

All was fine at first

Until I parked and stepped outside

At which point I took quite a spill

And eventually I died…

My final act was calling

My beloved on my cell

As I saw the tunnel fill with light

And started off to Hell:

“Hey honey, this is Jeremy.

“You’d best put down your cup.

“I just wanted to let you know

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get ‘Up.'”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Bird Flu

I found what I thought was a condor

That was terribly sick with the flu.

But my asian vet said, “That’s ill eagle”

And now I don’t know what to do…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why Mufasa Has A Handkerchief

Simba’s nose was stuffy,

And that became an issue

When the only Kleenex he could find

Was, alas, Scar tissue.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

On a Scale Of A-F, I’d Grade This An Rrrrrr

I knew a pirate captain

And boy, was he a putz!

He tried to hump his steering wheel

And complained “This is driving me nuts!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

But If It Were Traveling At 4 Miles Per Hour For 12 Minutes How Far Apart Were The Hay Bales?

Once there was some type of snake,

A cobra, asp, or adder.

Since the story’s fictional

It really doesn’t matter.

This adder, I’ve decided,

Was in a farm one day

Sliding its limbless body

Between two bales of hay.

The snake was not observant

And it failed to look both ways.

‘Twas run over by the farmer.

And thus ended its days.

So when the adder rendez-voused

With its rural malefactor

We can say the adder

Suddenly became sub-tractor.

2 Comments

Filed under Poems

I Just Rattled This One Off… Hope It Wasn’t Too Boa-ring!

The snake was made uncomfortable

And it gave a gasp.

You might say it experienced

A pain in the asp.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Worst Pun Ever… Turn Your Sound Up

If you’re brazen as a basilisk,

Audacious as a drake,

Cocky as a colossus,

Saucy as a snake,

If a wyvern wouldn’t scare you

And a wyrm won’t give you palsy

Then my compliments to you dear friend

‘Cause you are this.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Power Plant

They asked me “where’s the power plant?”

I pointed towards the woods

And they set out to find it

And claim its electric goods.

They asked me “where’s the power plant?”

And went off to the forest.

Now I picture them and laugh

‘Cause me they must abhorest.

They asked me “where’s the power plant?”

I pointed to the oaks,

The tow’ring cedar, stalwart maple,

Not intending it as a hoax.

They asked me “where’s the power plant?”

I pictured a mighty tree

Because a hundred feet of hardwood

Is a powerful plant to me.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

What’s Wwong With This Stowy?

I’ve been a priest for many years

With all that such entails.

I’ve heard the common people cry

And comforted their wails.

But when a man with a speech disorder came

To church my life got dire

For until then I’d never been

Preaching to the cwier.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems