Tag Archives: Independence

June 21, 2016 · 1:10 pm

On My Own Terms (The Cat Song)

You take me into your home.

You keep me inside and play with my hair.

You call me a pretty boy

Then you punish me. Baby, give me some air!

You say “call me master.”

I am your slave now.

But I’ll live on my own terms

And soon to me you’ll bow.

You thought you’d relax in the bathroom,

Have clean furniture and a new-house smell.

You forgot me in that equation.

Now I welcome you to nine lives in Hell.

You said “call me master.”

I just said “meow.”

But I’ll live on my own terms

So who’s the master now?

Now you call me master.

You’re little more than my serf.

Now you’ll live by my terms

Or get your ass off my turf!

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November 21, 2015 · 5:10 pm

A Declaration of Independence From Humorless People

When in the course

Of humor events

It becomes necessary

To sever ties

Because jokes about Catholics,

Jews and Gents,*

Fat people and others

Are not always wise,

Then its time to move on

To where humor’s a sense

That people possess.

That’s just what I think.

So go somewhere unfollowable

By the immense,

The political and religious,

And flash them a wink.
*Abbreviation of “Gentiles.” Yes, I’m that stretched for a rhyme.

Happy Weekend!

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July 4, 2015 · 1:01 pm

Not The Queen’s English

A whole bunch of scores ago

Some British people got on a boat.

They came and taxed our tea, and so

The Constitution did get wrote.

     

The British guys thought a big red jacket

Would be the perfect camouflage.

Alas, their soldiers couldn’t hack it

And had not been trained to dodge.

     

And so we yankees won the war

And conquered all the Earth.

At the public school I learned this lore.

Hurray for America’s birth! 

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February 19, 2014 · 8:08 am

Alaska

I walk among
the snowy trees
Enveloped by
a chilling breeze.
I see a moose
among the arbors
And wonder what
secrets it harbors.

I brush my hand
against the branches
And remember a war
fought in the tranches.
The bullets flew,
The blood rained red
‘Til everyone but me
Was dead.

So I look at the moose
Who’ll never fight
A war he don’t
Believe is right.
I envy him,
The big dumb deer,
And I know I’ll live
My life out here,

Never alone
Among the trees.
I’ll always have
The memories.

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