Tag Archives: Education

Thus, Sportsball and Gender Studies Scholarships

Super smart students

Have to pay tons of cash

To take college classes

That mostly are trash.

Super good athletes

Can study for free

And despite low grades get

The exact same degree.

The reason for this

Is confusing to some,

And I’m here to explain

Why it isn’t that dumb…

The purpose of college

I will hereby state:

“To see how much BS

“One can tolerate.”

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Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Yet another sign

That our publics schools suck ass:

They have a grading rubric

For a “creative writing” class.

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Higher Education is a Cure for Introversion

I once found it tough

To talk about stuff,

But then I went to college.

Now I regale ya

About paraphernalia

‘Cause now I’ve got the knowledge!

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The Power Of Education

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

This poem is boring;

Let’s see what a PhD will do…

Rosoideae are vermillion,

Their brethren, cyan.

I choose to eschew the quotidian

Because, demonstrably, I can.

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What Else Did I Get This PhD For?

What would you do

For a million dollars?

Some would sell their souls

Or become sales-callers.

Some would kill, some would cheat,

Some would steal, some would rage,

But I’ll just work 80 years

Earning minimum wage.

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To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)

I realize this day is special

For a contest will take place

In which genetically superior constituents

Will seek, in scoring, to outpace

Their counterparts in opposition

Within a time allotted,

Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments

With which said constituents are besotted.

I hope that in future contests

Of similar athletic variety

That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers

May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.

In fact, I would extend my well wishes

That your team may excel in perpetuity

Until their superior members inevitably decay

And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.

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Happy Mexico Day, White People!

Las poema de todayo

Estas un indicator-õl

De how mucho yo remembero

From das high school Espagnõl.

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Not The Queen’s English

A whole bunch of scores ago

Some British people got on a boat.

They came and taxed our tea, and so

The Constitution did get wrote.


The British guys thought a big red jacket

Would be the perfect camouflage.

Alas, their soldiers couldn’t hack it

And had not been trained to dodge.


And so we yankees won the war

And conquered all the Earth.

At the public school I learned this lore.

Hurray for America’s birth! 

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Better Than #2

If “penultimate” means second to last,
And Pennsylvania is not as cool
As Transylvania of the past,
We have confirmed a rule:

“Pen,” the prefix, implies lesser status.
Now I, being a man with taste
Have used the pencils advertised at us
Even though that’s apparently a waste.

I think public education
Could improve the endowment of skill
If we reduced frustration
And gave our kids a cil.

Let’s make our schools the very best:
Use a #1 cil on standardized tests!

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Finally, A Use For It!

Six months since I finished college,
Four years wasted I reckon
For I can’t remember what I “learned”
And waitstaff openings beckon.

So one afternoon in protest
I went to my front door
And laid down my diploma
Right upon the mudroom floor.

That autographed piece of card stock
Was not very useful at
Getting a foot in the door,
But it makes a good DiploMat.

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