Tag Archives: Life

Eulogy for a Jerk

This day we gather
To celebrate
The death of a guy
We all grew to hate.

He’s the guy who thinks
He is very important.
More important, certainly, than you.
He’s the guy who won’t listen,
Who boasts of his money,
Who gets angry out of the blue.

He the guy who feels good
So long as you don’t,
Who thinks life is a zero sum game,
And the guy who knows
Everyone is unique,
But still chooses to treat them the same.

You all have experience
Unique to ourselves
That make up our vision of the departed.
The guy who was clingy,
The guy who talked loudly,
The guy who left you broken hearted.

And so as we bury this unlikeable guy
Take a minute to think of your dislike and why,
And cherish his memory, for through it you see
The things that, to live well, you must never be.

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Post-Alcohol Observations

This isn’t common, but it’s not just me
Who takes joy in sobriety,
For when the laughter is all done
I want to remember how I had fun,

And in life’s most joyous times
Like reading books and writing rhymes
A fluid ounce of honesty
Will always beat a pint in me.

For what is it we must obscure
To resort to boozing as our cure?
Fear of being seen as us?
Why should such things cause a fuss?

So give up fear and give up lies
(It’s easier than you might surmise)
And live a life, joyful, true.
Live a life with sober you.

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Life’s Not-So-Great Questions

If the sun makes people smile true,
Why does it make the sky so blue?
Why is notebook paper just-so lined?
By whom was that line size defined?

How much does a scale weigh?
What is it the fox does say?
Why start with qwertyuiop?
Why not put abc on top?

These things we will never know.
‘Scuse me, now I’ve got to go.

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P.H.I.L-osophy

 

I believe not so much in theology.

I have very little interest in geology.

But I do have a very unique philosopy,

And I’d like to share it with you.

 

I call this philosophy, appropriately, “Phil,”

For that is an acronym of the initials

Or the four central pillars, make of them what you will:

I hope they will apply to you.

 

P is for positive,

Which is often a pain.

It means to refrain

When you’d like to complain.

When you want to criticize, simply abstain,

And you’ve mastered the first part of “Phil.”

 

H is for happiness,

Which is no more than a choice.

When the world offers bad things, listen not to the voice

Which would make you be said, but instead make the choice

To be happy, and you’ve mastered more “Phil.”

 

I’s for integrity,

A hard word to rhyme.

It means to be honest, and refrain from crime.

Do what’s right, even if it’s hard, and do so every time,

And you’re almost done mastering “Phil.”

 

And L is for love.

It’s predictable, yes.

It’s very important, or so I should guess.

Everyone loves someone, or something, to death;

Love everyone like them, whether Elmer or Tess.

And thus, we finish Phil.

 

Choose to be positive, and give folks a chance.

Choose to be happy, regardless of circumstance.

Say what is honest and do what is right,

And love every person.  That is “Phil.”  Good night!

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Life and Pain

Think back to your birth, whenever that was.

You cannot remember it, so I’ll help.

You came into this world in blood, because

That’s how nature works, and you gave a yelp.

 

You were spanked by a doctor, and you cried.

Most people were suitably indifferent.

But if not for hurtful things, you’d have died.

Now I hope that, to you, life looks different.

 

Every person in your world’s a doctor.

They hurt you, and pull you from your mother.

But all of them, life to you do proctor;

Treat them not badly, but as a brother

 

Life comes in many forms to us, so smile.

Joy lasts forever, pain but for a while.

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Chapter Two

If you are reading this

Chances are you’ve been born.

You’ve probably learned how to read,

You’re on a computer, and you have internet access,

And you understand English.

It’s unlikely you’re naked.

You may be hungry

Or thirsty,

But you aren’t dangerously so.

In fact, chances are your problems aren’t that bad

In the grand scheme of things.

 

This is chapter one,

Your prologue,

The beginning of your life.

I ask you now to examine what you’re going to do tomorrow

When chapter two rolls around.

 

Look around.

Observe the dramatis personae that is the world

And realize you are not the main character.

Then, you only have to ask:

What’s my point?

Here are your options:

The villains, who are hated,

The heroes, who are loved,

The fluff, the flavor text, who are unremembered,

Or the sun, rain, and wind, giving light and life to all you encounter.

Why should you long to be a main character

When you can be the sky?

 

Chapter one showed you the setting

Where your life takes place.

In chapter two, we see who matters in this story of life.

So tomorrow, when chapter two starts,

What will you be doing?

Why will you matter?

Will you breathe the air, or will you be the air?

 

Choose now, because you never get to see the table of contents.

Few books are longer than 1,000 pages,

Most aren’t 300,

And the silly ones full of rainbows and unicorns

Are usually around 12.

If I only get 12 pages,

I don’t want 9 to say,

“And he wished…”

I want 11 to say,

“And he was, and he did, and he gave his all,

And he smiled throughout.”

 

So write your twelve pages as they are,

And fill them with pretty pictures of chapter one.

Throw them away,

And walk onward, shining like the sun you can be,

Into chapter two.

 

 

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