Tag Archives: Philosophy

Why Philosophers Don’t Flirt (Cogito Ergo Sumthin’)

I saw Descartes sitting at the bar.

I asked “Can I buy you a beer?”

Descartes replied “I think not,”

Then I watched him disappear.

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There Is No Hidden Meaning. You’re Welcome.

I met an Indian guy on Tinder,

A philosopher named Deepinder.

I couldn’t understand most of what he said

So he said “Date my brother Shallowinder instead.”

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We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent

“My feelings matter”

Screamed the important human

And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears

Of hyper-intelligent space blobs

Smiled and reminisced

On when they thought the same thing.

Two or three universes away

The process repeated.

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Buzzfeed Journalism

Everything in life worth knowing

Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.

If you don’t see how that’s possible

Your name probably isn’t Greg.

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The Optimist Manifesto

There are no starless evenings

And never will there be.

Nothing stops existing

Just because you cannot see.

If you call a glass half-empty

Or say one plus three is two

You do not hurt reality

Except the part that’s you.

And if you look up at the sky

Upon some cloudy night

And say the stars are lovely

When there’s not a star in sight

That doesn’t make you foolish

And you’ll only seem a dope

To those who never knew of faith

And have forgotten hope.

I pledge to always be the fool

Who calls a crow a dove,

Who calls the wind the breath of God,

Whose sin is too much love.

While I may not know what’s real

I know that I know not

So why not choose to fill the void

With one more happy thought?

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Waxing Philosophical (Hume’r Wasn’t In Descartes)

I think that great philosophers

Who from the old days came

Were the ones who didn’t laugh

At each others’ stupid names.

Think of how the commons laughed

And asked Ptolemy why

They had to spell his name

Starting with a silent pi.

Think of how these silly names

Through laughter would disable those

Who sought to set their Platos

And forkos on the tableos.

Think of poor Epictetus

The flat-chested stoic

And poor Heraclitus

Whose parents misspelled “heroic.”

I hope there’ve Bentham fun times

Locke’d within this rant.

Some days I’m very Thoreau

But today I said “I Kant.”

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The Philosopher’s Counterpart

He who has wisdom

Is worthy of praise,

Yet wise men do not  need such admiration.

He of fit body

Needs less caution of dainties,

Yet to seek them is not his preoccupation.

He of good spirits

Will enjoy entertainments,

But he who needs them is not the said man

So I’ll enjoy the praise, dainties,

Entertainments for them,

Happily serving as only I can.

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