Once upon a fleeting glimpse
Lived an airplane who loved all blimps,
But when she touched them they would pop
Because she struck them with her prop(ellor).
But plane Jane did not despair.
She kept on searching through the air.
She found true love just like she said
With a zeppelin made of lead.
Filed under Poems
Giant big,
Peasant small.
Giant’s hands
Like wrecking ball.
But giant doesn’t
Wreck too much.
He uses giant hands
To touch
The wounded folk,
Large or small.
He hates pain,
He fix it all.
Giant sees
A little pain,
Giant fix it,
Shine or rain.
Giant isn’t
Very smart,
But giant has
A giant heart.
Filed under Poems
I hunted for the Red October
But only found the blue.
I know it ‘s only second best,
But I brought it here for you.
I left it on your doorstep
‘Cause it seemed a reasonable spot.
Too bad your boat was so tiny,
But hey, you can buy another yacht.
I just want to see you smile
And hug you with all eight arms.
I’ll try to be oh-so-gentle,
But sometime I do harms.
I love you sailor, yes I do.
Can’t you love this kraken too?
Filed under Poems
I’m not just a logger;
I’m a matchmaker for trees.
See, how life goes for them
Is one arbor sees
The love of their life
Just a few feet away,
And they spend their time loving
Each other all day.
After a while
What these trees want so much
Is to lean over a little
And let their bodies touch,
So I whop out my chainsaw
And bring that love to fruition.
It makes me feel good
And it pays her tuition.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas my 22nd Summer alone
When I met my love in a waffle cone.
She was sweet and brown and cool
And for her I was a fool.
I was but white, and sort of bland,
But still my love did take my hand.
Although we were of separate classes,
We both appealed to the masses.
And so I asked her for her name,
And sweet, of course, her answer came.
“I am lady Chocoliette,
But I do not know your name yet.”
“My name,” I said, “Is Vanillio,
And I think I’ve fallen in love with yo.”
We shared a kiss and some saturated fat,
Then some kid ate us, and that was that.
Thus ends the tale of Chocoliette
And her beloved Vanillio,
Who had a pretty decent life
As star-crossed lovers go.
When I was a kid
My hardest choice
Was choosing between Charizard
And Blastoise.
I’ve grown up since then,
Lived through rises and falls,
And I now capture hearts
Instead of monsters in balls.
And I’ve met many women,
But no no love proved true.
But I caught all 150
When I laid eyes on you.
Filed under Poems
Heavy, the scent of roses
Lies upon the veranda
Where I sit, hand in hand,
With my lover, Miranda.
She sweats like an osprey,
And I sweat like a bear.
It’s a good thing for us
Our hormones don’t care.
The sun smiles down
From its cloudless abode.
And two antelope hump
On the side of the road.
A warm, friendly wind
Caresses the trees.
There’s spring in the air.
That’s when I start to sneeze.
Filed under Poems
Yellow teeth
And orange eyes
Shine like fire
Under the full moon.
I try to smile,
Tell some lies,
But all I can say is
“Hey honey. Back so soon?”
My lover plods forwards
With wolfish eyes fixed
On the little pink pocket
At the base of my neck.
I know what I must do.
My feelings aren’t mixed.
It’s her time of the month,
And out I must get the heck.
Filed under Poems
What is a wedding
But an exchanging of rings
Between two willing people
Who are scared of different things?
Filed under Poems
Her smile was wide as a toothpick
And her face glowed like a new moon
When she opened my birthday gift
And discovered I’d given her a spoon.
Her words were clean as a dumpster,
Thanking me like a wrecking ball.
For the next few weeks we had sex like mushrooms,
By which I mean no sex at all.
But I think she still loves me regardless
And I’m still in love with my wife.
But both of us are happy as clams that
I chose not to buy her a knife.
Filed under Poems
