Tag Archives: Shakespeare

The Complete Abbreviated Works Of Shakespeare

“Wherewithin the stuff doth lie

Comes hither forth to thee and I.”

We know not what its meaning may be

But its important to someone with a PhD.

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Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0

In fair Verona, long ago

Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,

Two kids who, about each other, raved

And whom better communication skills could have saved.

For in a land where alchemists

Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed

Informing your partner of your choice to partake

In such a substance is a wise choice to make,

But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old

Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.

And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born

To suffice in an era with no access to porn.

This is why I didn’t call;

I just want our love to conquer all.

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Knight Time Thoughts

Perchance thee may have noticed
By coincidence or choice
That those who penned auld english
May have just had a lispy voice,

For whosoever speaketh
In a way that soundeth so-eth
Makes any present participle
With the “th” phoneme groweth.

Perhaps that just be-eth my inkling,
Yet verily ringeth of truth.
I’ve spake my bit, and leaveth now
With a flutter and forsooth.

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One Double Scoope of Love

‘Twas my 22nd Summer alone
When I met my love in a waffle cone.
She was sweet and brown and cool
And for her I was a fool.

I was but white, and sort of bland,
But still my love did take my hand.
Although we were of separate classes,
We both appealed to the masses.

And so I asked her for her name,
And sweet, of course, her answer came.
“I am lady Chocoliette,
But I do not know your name yet.”

“My name,” I said, “Is Vanillio,
And I think I’ve fallen in love with yo.”
We shared a kiss and some saturated fat,
Then some kid ate us, and that was that.

Thus ends the tale of Chocoliette
And her beloved Vanillio,
Who had a pretty decent life
As star-crossed lovers go.

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