Tag Archives: Marriage


As the lovers grew older

Much to the wife’s delight

Her husband looked much like Sean Connery.

The husband didn’t say it

(For he didn’t want a fight)

But he couldn’t help but think it: So did she.


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[Insert Fish Pun Here]

Give a man a fish,

You’ll feed him for a day

Unless that man’s a vegan

In which case his death’s okay.

But teach a man to fish

(Be him Vegan or otherwise)

And if he gets married he’ll be grateful

And he’ll think you very wise.

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But He Pronounced It Like “Hwipped”

Cream’s wife asked him

To go to the store.

Cream’s wife’s husband obeyed

Without asking what for.

Cream’s wife’s husband’s friend

Saw how the scales tipped

And he said to cream

“My God man, you’re whipped!”

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Me, In 18-Years

I ain’t no spring chicken

But neither am I old.

I’m a 40-year-old husband

Who writes exactly what I’m told.

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Devil’s Advocate, Nuptial Parity Edition

A first drink or a first date

Can be first love or likewise hate.

A first kiss or first fight

Are blackness deep and endless light.

A first dance as man and wife

Will give you joy for all your life

Unless man/man or woman/woman you’re.

Then you’ll complain about this poem for sure.

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There are two sides

To every tale.

One person might think

They saw a whale,

While others agree

The first guy lied

And it was just

Someone’s backside.

What’s fire to one

Is ice to the next,

Some like to call

And others text,

But one answer

Will never fail:

If your wife asks “how’s this dress”

Do not say “hey look, a whale!”

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It’s The Small Details

When I drink my morning coffee

I think about my wife,

And how the two of them together

Give me such a perfect life.

And when I drink my evening coffee

And I lie awake at night

I know neither one has chest hair,

And that makes me feel all right.

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