Tag Archives: Pokemon

November, 2020

You probably didn’t think

That evidence you’d find

To elect a Pokémon,

But I hope to change your mind:

So if you are American

(Or not, we don’t really check)

Vote Meowth 2020

‘Cause hey! What the heck?

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Rescue Animal Used Bite: It’s Super Effective!

The animal lovers called it

“A barbaric dog fighting cabal.”

I called it “Well meaning people

“Who haven’t discovered Pokemon Go.”

Take that vegans!

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The Best Video Game Story Since Tetris

I lived in a two-story house.

The upper floor was mine.

I told my mom “I’m moving out.”

She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”

I tried to leave my little town

But an old man happened to see

And called “don’t go into the grass.”

Then ordered “follow me!”

I walked back with him to his lab

Where he forgot his grandson’s name

And gave me a living vegetable

That some people think is lame.

The old guy’s grandson challenged me

To a battle without gore

And I showed the power of friendship

Via my brand-new bulbasaur.

From that point on my journey

Is a blur of fallen foes

From Brock, Misty, and zubats

To a couple missingnos.

Somehow grandson Noname

Was always a step ahead

But I met him in Vermillion

And made his Raticate dead.

Then I beat organized crime,

Filled an encyclopedia,

Became the champion of the world

Without even leech-seeding ya’.

I am in fact the very best

So between you and me

I think the secret to success

Is skipping puberty.

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Pokemon: When A Binder Becomes A Portfolio

He wanted to be the very best

Like no one ever was.

He played the games and bought the cards.

His reasoning? “Just ’cause.”

Now he travels across the land

Rich and fancy free

Because he sold old merchandise

To folks like you and me.

It took some courage along the way

To claim his rightful place;

His base set boosters unopened still

By some amazing grace

Kept up in value as time went on.

The prices didn’t fall

Because of middle class ’90s kids

Who had to catch ’em all.

And so for all the neopets

Forgotten in the cloud,

The baseball rookies who faded out,

The fads without a crowd

There rose among them a modern god,

Electric mouse and friends

That makes you money enough to buy

The very world we must defend.

That’s why I’m buying at Toys R Us

Instead of buying stock.

Who know what franchise will soon become

The next Pokémon or pet rock?

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And With That Hair I’m Destined For National Leadership

If I were a Pokemon

I’d want to be Crabominable

Because no one would enslave me

And fight in a manner intolerable.

Yes, ugliness has benefits

When avoiding death is your aim.

And for you ’90s kids who say its fake:

You should play a more recent game.

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Pokemon

A pyromaniacal lizard,

A grand aquatic turtle,

A plant-infested dinosaur

Walk into a bar.

Some ten-yeard-olds

Go on a quest with them.

It’s worked out well so far.

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Stanzas 2, Thought 0

When I moved into

The mobile home park

I thought my life

Was turning dark,

But I found pleasure

As I sought paying labors

In the form of melo-

Dramatic neighbors.

If you say “hello”

They say “Hail traveler!”

You say “I like Charizard,”

And they say “I love Graveler!”

It’s like they’re in a movie,

So although my life’s a failure

I take solace in the fact

They’re a theatrical trailer.

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