Were I a tiger in a cage
I think I would be filled with rage,
And when the humans gave me food
I’d return it, halfway chewed.
The human doctors would have a hunch
Why I refused to eat my lunch,
And they would come inside my pen,
And I’d enjoy the meat of men.
Were I a tiger, I’d be happy, yet
I’m not a tiger; I’m a vet.
Filed under Poems
I went to my doctor
With a terrible cold,
A product of
My getting old.
He told me to take
Two aspirins or so,
Then gave me a bill
And bade me to go.
And now I’m in prison
For acting immorally.
I took aspirin from the store
When the doctor meant orally.
Filed under Poems
I’m not the best looking fellow.
I’ve never had a tan,
I’ve got under five pounds of muscle
And I drive a Volkswagen Van.
So I took a flight to Hawaii
To the beaches of Mauna Loa.
I got sunburned, but I found a buddy:
The enigmatic Feathered Boa.
As far as snakes go he was friendly
And he reworked my wardrobe from scratch.
He buffed me and tweezed me and did other things
That no human esthetician could match.
So thanks boss for seeing I’m different,
But I can’t comply with your request.
All my patients know that this boa’s for show
And as brain surgeons go, I’m the best.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 