Tag Archives: food

Dear Vegans

Many chickens passed away

So you could have a meal.

You killed them and ate their eggs;

How does that make you feel?

Many chickens were beheaded,

Plucked, and fried in fat.

Because of that, I feel full

And I’m okay with that.

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All Part Of A Complete Breakfast

The toaster makes you crispy bread.

The fridge chills out your meals.

The plate will hold your citrus fruit

And the garbage holds the peels.

The dishwasher will clean things up

And there’s cereal on the shelf.

The pit trap on the front porch

Means you enjoy it by yourself.

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Why Modern Poets Are Thin

A poem without rhyming’s

Like a cheeseburger without cheese,

A BLT with no tomato,

A bowl of carrots without peas.

A poem without rhyming

Lacks flavor and synergy

But alas I’m on a diet

And must cut whatever calories I can…

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And What Did They Say About Dinero?

And herbivore eats herbs

And a carnivore eats meat

And an omnivore eats everything

Which I think’s really neat.

I don’t have a lot of money

And traveling in Spain was I

And somebody said “Por favor”

And now I’m just waiting to die.

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Penne For Your Thoughts?

What if, when the world was new

And nothing breathed and nothing grew

A race of beasts made of spaghetti

Were getting set and getting ready

To build cities, slim and tall,

In which they’d gather, one and all,

Until the dinosaurs emerged

And the noodle cities were submerged

Beneath the oceans, wide and blue,

Until they used their magic to

Bring down a stone wide as ten miles

To do away with rude reptiles.

Now, again the Earth was theirs.

Out of the ocean they built stairs

Only to find, in the dinosaurs’ place

A young and vibrant human race.

This time instead of genocide

By meteor ten miles wide

They made the human race instead

Love noodles much like they loved bread.

So when the noodle race was old

And slightly stale and very cold

They smiled, knowing all was not lost. The

Human race would make more pasta!

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But You Have To Pour The Milk First

One day at breakfast I asked my niece

“What if a bowl of cereal were all just one piece?”

My niece said, “I don’t mean to boast

“But I invented that cereal. I call it ‘Toast.’”

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An Essential Part of a Healthy Diet

Somebody somewhere said “Sometime

“We should make a drink that tastes

“Like a combination of radio static

“And a big bin of nuclear wastes.”

Somebody nearby said “Sounds good,

“But I’m afraid I have bad news:

“Someone has already created that product.

“It’s called sparkling grapefruit juice.”

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Who Doesn’t Want 30 Pounds Of Escargot, After All?

You know that food you enjoy

Every once in a while,

That you can heat in a minute

And always makes you smile?

What if that niche pleasure

Came in a 500 pack for a dollar?

If you want to pay us to buy that

Just give old Costco a holler!

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When Evolution Works TOO Well

You’ve heard of Brontosaurus,

You’ve heard Triceratops,

Tyrannosaurus Rex of course,

And even the Cyclops,

But there’s one ancient animal

That didn’t live for long…

And that mystery dinosaur

Is the subject of this song:

I sing of Tacosaurus,

The terror of the south,

With a crispy shell of golden corn

And veggies in its mouth!

It roamed across the world until

Plant and meat eaters both

Decided they were tasty.

“Nom nom,” did others quoth.

So died the Tacosaurus,

But paleontologists think it’s swell

That such a mighty dinosaur

Was saved by the Taco Bell.

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Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs

I shouldn’t be the president

Because when I want a snack

I go to a take out restaraunt

And microwave it when I get back.

At first that won’t seem dangerous

Until my words are these:

“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!

“Why not nuke some Chinese?”

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