Tag Archives: food

When Evolution Works TOO Well

You’ve heard of Brontosaurus,

You’ve heard Triceratops,

Tyrannosaurus Rex of course,

And even the Cyclops,

But there’s one ancient animal

That didn’t live for long…

And that mystery dinosaur

Is the subject of this song:

I sing of Tacosaurus,

The terror of the south,

With a crispy shell of golden corn

And veggies in its mouth!

It roamed across the world until

Plant and meat eaters both

Decided they were tasty.

“Nom nom,” did others quoth.

So died the Tacosaurus,

But paleontologists think it’s swell

That such a mighty dinosaur

Was saved by the Taco Bell.

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Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs

I shouldn’t be the president

Because when I want a snack

I go to a take out restaraunt

And microwave it when I get back.

At first that won’t seem dangerous

Until my words are these:

“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!

“Why not nuke some Chinese?”

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Where The Owls With Big Pecks Work

I hope in the Harry Potterverse

There’s a chain of restaurants

That serve the tasty chicken wings

That every wizard wants.

This restaurant chain is called “Boobs”

And the waitresses are owls.

It would be a hoot to go there.

Sincerely, JK Rowls.

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TV Breakfasts

Mom and Dad both work all day

But when the morning breaks

You should see the breakfast

That Mama somehow makes:

A hundred stacks of pancakes,

Bacon, toast, and jam,

Four glasses of fresh orange juice

And a massive honey ham,

And upon this wondrous bounty

Cometh the kids and Dad

They grab a strawberry and run

And Mom’s not even mad…

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Ham Covered In Sugar, Anyone?

Easter is the day a rabbit brings

Chocolate, eggs, and other things

To all the children with rich parents

And even to the folks named Clarence.

The bunny is a major hit

Among the kids for bringing shit.

They do not know it’s master plan…

The pigs do, and they’re not a fan.

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Diet Supplements

Are you tired of working out?

Wish you could lose some weight?

Then you stumbling on this post

Is nothing short of fate!

See, I’m a famous CEO

Who grew up on the street

And I’ve been on some talk shows

And my life is really neat.

I’ve collaborated

With a bunch of science nerds

To make a diet supplement

That will leave you without words:

Our many happy clients

Universally lost weight,

And we’re officially endorsed

By nearly every socialist state.

What is this magic product?

You really want to know?

Okay, since you asked nicely…

“Dehydrated H2O.”

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Black Humor?

Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”

We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”

Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess

“You and Africans feel the same way.”

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But Honey… We Have Needs

Sometimes we go shopping

Because we have needs

Like cardamom, five-spice,

And sunflower seeds,

A packet of seaweed

And kale-chips-ahoy!

Perhaps we might splurge

For a mint-in-box toy.

When we feel spendy

Perhaps we will pounce

On a bottle of wine

That we cannot pronounce

And then at the end

We’ll return home again

And eat yesterday’s ramen

Because we are men.

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The Soy-Bacon of Vice

This evening I realized,

While sitting in the sauna,

Some people make a living

By baking food with marijuana.

So if you are a baker

It does appear to me

You’re basically just selling weed

With a cheaper recipe…

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🍆👸? 👎,ℹ️🌈!

I met a girl in cooking class

When I was seventeen.

She texted “Wanna have some fun?”

I asked “What do you mean?”

She sent me some emojis

Of an eggplant and a queen.

I replied “Thanks for the offer

“But I’m out of aubergine.”

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