Tag Archives: food

Penne For Your Thoughts?

What if, when the world was new

And nothing breathed and nothing grew

A race of beasts made of spaghetti

Were getting set and getting ready

To build cities, slim and tall,

In which they’d gather, one and all,

Until the dinosaurs emerged

And the noodle cities were submerged

Beneath the oceans, wide and blue,

Until they used their magic to

Bring down a stone wide as ten miles

To do away with rude reptiles.

Now, again the Earth was theirs.

Out of the ocean they built stairs

Only to find, in the dinosaurs’ place

A young and vibrant human race.

This time instead of genocide

By meteor ten miles wide

They made the human race instead

Love noodles much like they loved bread.

So when the noodle race was old

And slightly stale and very cold

They smiled, knowing all was not lost. The

Human race would make more pasta!

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But You Have To Pour The Milk First

One day at breakfast I asked my niece

“What if a bowl of cereal were all just one piece?”

My niece said, “I don’t mean to boast

“But I invented that cereal. I call it ‘Toast.’”

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An Essential Part of a Healthy Diet

Somebody somewhere said “Sometime

“We should make a drink that tastes

“Like a combination of radio static

“And a big bin of nuclear wastes.”

Somebody nearby said “Sounds good,

“But I’m afraid I have bad news:

“Someone has already created that product.

“It’s called sparkling grapefruit juice.”

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Who Doesn’t Want 30 Pounds Of Escargot, After All?

You know that food you enjoy

Every once in a while,

That you can heat in a minute

And always makes you smile?

What if that niche pleasure

Came in a 500 pack for a dollar?

If you want to pay us to buy that

Just give old Costco a holler!

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When Evolution Works TOO Well

You’ve heard of Brontosaurus,

You’ve heard Triceratops,

Tyrannosaurus Rex of course,

And even the Cyclops,

But there’s one ancient animal

That didn’t live for long…

And that mystery dinosaur

Is the subject of this song:

I sing of Tacosaurus,

The terror of the south,

With a crispy shell of golden corn

And veggies in its mouth!

It roamed across the world until

Plant and meat eaters both

Decided they were tasty.

“Nom nom,” did others quoth.

So died the Tacosaurus,

But paleontologists think it’s swell

That such a mighty dinosaur

Was saved by the Taco Bell.

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Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs

I shouldn’t be the president

Because when I want a snack

I go to a take out restaraunt

And microwave it when I get back.

At first that won’t seem dangerous

Until my words are these:

“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!

“Why not nuke some Chinese?”

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Where The Owls With Big Pecks Work

I hope in the Harry Potterverse

There’s a chain of restaurants

That serve the tasty chicken wings

That every wizard wants.

This restaurant chain is called “Boobs”

And the waitresses are owls.

It would be a hoot to go there.

Sincerely, JK Rowls.

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TV Breakfasts

Mom and Dad both work all day

But when the morning breaks

You should see the breakfast

That Mama somehow makes:

A hundred stacks of pancakes,

Bacon, toast, and jam,

Four glasses of fresh orange juice

And a massive honey ham,

And upon this wondrous bounty

Cometh the kids and Dad

They grab a strawberry and run

And Mom’s not even mad…

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Ham Covered In Sugar, Anyone?

Easter is the day a rabbit brings

Chocolate, eggs, and other things

To all the children with rich parents

And even to the folks named Clarence.

The bunny is a major hit

Among the kids for bringing shit.

They do not know it’s master plan…

The pigs do, and they’re not a fan.

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Diet Supplements

Are you tired of working out?

Wish you could lose some weight?

Then you stumbling on this post

Is nothing short of fate!

See, I’m a famous CEO

Who grew up on the street

And I’ve been on some talk shows

And my life is really neat.

I’ve collaborated

With a bunch of science nerds

To make a diet supplement

That will leave you without words:

Our many happy clients

Universally lost weight,

And we’re officially endorsed

By nearly every socialist state.

What is this magic product?

You really want to know?

Okay, since you asked nicely…

“Dehydrated H2O.”

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