Tag Archives: food

That Wasn’t Chicken…

My eyes were purple lightning

And lips were platinum knives.

My heart beat with a vigor

Like when rappers beat their wives.

I squeezed my hands like oranges

As my skin began to burn

And I knew to that Panda Express

I would not return.

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What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”

Lemon flavored water,

Lemon cheesecake and desserts,

Lemon flavored pepper

Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.

The only lemon item

That people don’t enjoy

Are actual plain ol’ lemons.

(Also maybe lemon bok choy).

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Dating Asian Women?

My girlfriend left me yesterday,

Just took her stuff and went,

Yet left behind a little gift

For her now former-gent.

She left a bottle of soy sauce,

My sorrows for to drown.

She just could not resist the urge

To Kikkoman when he’s down.

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The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?

I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.

I love the way you smell.

Some say you’re just a piece of meat

But you’re more… I can tell.

Your buns are round and toasty

And inside you’re tangy sweet

And if I had a bit more money

Then our meeting’d be my treat!

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Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)

Some Americans on food stamps

Are demanding food for pets,

‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”

I say cut the stamps

And let Lady eat the tramps…

Save money and kill two birds with one stone!

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Vegans, You’re *Almost* Right

Pigs are perfect!

That’s what I think.

They’re smart and they’re fat

And they’re pretty in pink.

They’re as faithful as dogs.

They’re unable to hate.

There’s no animal better

To have on my plate.

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American Cuisine And Its Correlation To GDP

They said in school that GDP

(Or Gross Domestic Product)

Was a measure of economic power.

But this makes more sense to me

(For Gross Domestic Product).

Please excuse me as I go take a shower.

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