Tag Archives: food

Old Habits Never Die

She killed a man in April.

By May she was convicted.

The day of her execution came;

Her heart, it was conflicted.

The guard came to her cell

And asked what her last meal would be.

She said “I don’t know. What do you want?”



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When You Irradiate Your Meal For Five Minutes But Stop The Microwave With One Second Left So You Don’t Have To Hear The Beep

I put my burger in the microwave,

Turned it on, and walked away.

I heard a helicopter start

And bullets start to spray,

The Marines are hitting Normandy.

This is cooking uncontrolled!

I open the door to fetch my food

And find it nice and cold.

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The North and the South

If you’re the type of fancy guy

Who calls pink things “magenta”

Then I can cook you up a bowl

Of “Fancy-Guy Polenta.”

But if you’re the type of guy

Who shoots and drinks and spits

I’ll fry it up for half the price

And call it “Good Ol’ Grits.”

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Sarsaparilla Is Southern After All…

I opened a bottle of root beer

And smiled at the sweetness and fizz.

You probably don’t think that sounds racist

But I’m white, so it probably is.

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Great Name, Slightly-Maggoty Flavor

If I were a fruit

I would be a dragonfruit

‘Cause no one eats those.

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What Fruits The Idle Mind Hath Yielded This Morn

If birds ate at restaurants

I imagine KFC

Would be a lot more popular.

The reason might just be

That folks would eat at restaurants

Where birds would frequent less.

You might think that’s racist

But that’s my fairest guess.

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Hint: Probably Someone In Florida

Who drove by a lemonade stand

And thought about it later

And decided, instead of lemons,

The -ade would be better with gators?

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