Tag Archives: food

Dating Asian Women?

My girlfriend left me yesterday,

Just took her stuff and went,

Yet left behind a little gift

For her now former-gent.

She left a bottle of soy sauce,

My sorrows for to drown.

She just could not resist the urge

To Kikkoman when he’s down.


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The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?

I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.

I love the way you smell.

Some say you’re just a piece of meat

But you’re more… I can tell.

Your buns are round and toasty

And inside you’re tangy sweet

And if I had a bit more money

Then our meeting’d be my treat!

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Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)

Some Americans on food stamps

Are demanding food for pets,

‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”

I say cut the stamps

And let Lady eat the tramps…

Save money and kill two birds with one stone!

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Vegans, You’re *Almost* Right

Pigs are perfect!

That’s what I think.

They’re smart and they’re fat

And they’re pretty in pink.

They’re as faithful as dogs.

They’re unable to hate.

There’s no animal better

To have on my plate.

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American Cuisine And Its Correlation To GDP

They said in school that GDP

(Or Gross Domestic Product)

Was a measure of economic power.

But this makes more sense to me

(For Gross Domestic Product).

Please excuse me as I go take a shower.

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Your Chance To Lose Money Is Finally Here! (Hi Clive)

You could put your money on the Cleveland Browns

For Super Bowl Any-time-in-the-future,

But that wouldn’t help anyone,

Let alone this poetic moocher.

Instead I’ve got a different way

To part ways with your cash

Which is by going to my Patreon

And putting it in my stash.

To those of you whose common sense

Says “but money is important”

And the thought of spending it seems, to you,

A little bit abhorrent

I’d point out that your cash will go

To helping me survive.

Nothing’s really better than supporting the arts

Except, perhaps, being named “Clive.”

But since my name is David

And your name’s probably not Clive either

Hop on over to Patreon

Like you’re an eager beaver.

If you don’t pay, the poems won’t stop;

You’ll still get these Travesties daily.

The only difference is, to get my food,

I won’t have to resort to a gladiatorial melee.

(Which is good because I’m skinny and bruise easily).

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Yours Truly Goes To A Restaurant

Whether you like mozzarella

Or “anything, as long as its yella”

If you say thank-a-you and please

Then come on down and have some cheese!

We’ve got cheese from cows and goats,

From naked sheep and sheep with coats,

From pigs and deer and even moles.

How much? Bowls and bowls and bowls!

It tastes like heaven. You can check!

It makes the hairs stand on your neck.

And if you melt it… oh, where to begin!

Oh, wait, sorry… you’re vegan…

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