Tag Archives: food

Fro Yo, Before Black People Made That A Greeting/Hairstyle

Somebody once grabbed a cow by the teats

And sucked out the milk and called it good eats

But a little fermented and got full of germs

And people just couldn’t come to grips or terms

So they filled it with sugar and put fruit on the bottom

And sold it in little plastic cups, and folks bought ‘em.

Then someone froze it and, eyes all agleam,

Said “People should buy this instead of ice cream!”

Most of the world disagreed, but alas

White peoplee adored it and paid through the ass.

All over the country we now eat frozen yogurt

Like Iowans mow lawns, and Nevadans mow dirt.

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Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China

Jared was a little dude

From Syracuse, New York

Who used to think his favorite meat

Was barbecue pulled pork.

Then he came upon a crowd

Of masturbating cattle

And now he says Beef strokin’ off

Has won the “best meat” battle.

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Why Some Plants Go Extinct

“Anybody want some peas?”

Everyone said yes.

“Anyone want pewps?”

Perhaps next year, I guess…

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And Potlucks Were Never The Same Again

Once upon a time

In a land of myth and ballad

Someone mixed a lot of plants

And called the result a salad.

Later, in Minnesota

Someone mixed mayonnaise

With literally anything at all

And said “Salad happens in many ways.”

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Prequels Be Like:

What if somebody made a hot dog

But instead of a bun, he

Put a couple of crackers

That tasted like honey

And instead of ketchup

Put chocolate so melty

But something was missing,

Because everyone felt he

Was not doing service

To a long piece of meat

So he replaced the hot dog

With a puffy white treat

Perfectly toasted

Over glowing red coals?

Perhaps I’ll add that

To my recipe goals…

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D… Wait For It… UUUUUH!

Muffins and pizza and cake are delicious

Although, to my stomach, are often malicious.

Will I endure farting, mood swings, and pudge

To eat one more slice, with a side dish of fudge?

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I’ve Got Bread, Plenty Of Dough, I Bring Home The Bacon, And Yet…

I have a six pack

Of orange creamsicles.

I have 12 inches

Of beef jerky sticks.

I go all night

When I chew my dill pickles,

And somehow I can’t seem

To pick up the chicks…

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Dear Vegans

Many chickens passed away

So you could have a meal.

You killed them and ate their eggs;

How does that make you feel?

Many chickens were beheaded,

Plucked, and fried in fat.

Because of that, I feel full

And I’m okay with that.

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All Part Of A Complete Breakfast

The toaster makes you crispy bread.

The fridge chills out your meals.

The plate will hold your citrus fruit

And the garbage holds the peels.

The dishwasher will clean things up

And there’s cereal on the shelf.

The pit trap on the front porch

Means you enjoy it by yourself.

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Why Modern Poets Are Thin

A poem without rhyming’s

Like a cheeseburger without cheese,

A BLT with no tomato,

A bowl of carrots without peas.

A poem without rhyming

Lacks flavor and synergy

But alas I’m on a diet

And must cut whatever calories I can…

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