Tag Archives: food

I Heard It Through The Bovine

Ferdinand was a peaceful bull

And we all cherish his story,

But why can’t we give other bulls

Their fair share of the glory?

Just ‘cause bulls are big and strong

And make their targets gory

Doesn’t mean we all should be deprived

Of the tales of Bloody Cory.

Cory was a little bull

But with a giant’s rage.

They say he killed a hundred clowns

Before he left his cage

But the idiots in power

Who control the ratings gauge

Decided Cory’s story

Wasn’t for the those of younger age.

The older audiences

Would have loved our vicious bull

On a silver screen starring Charlie Sheen

With songs by Jethro Tull,

But the studios made their sequels

And Cory’s script execs did pull

And little Cory’s path to glory

Was rendered void and null.

But you, dear reader, have a gift:

A peek into the truth,

The knowledge of a future steer

In his ungodly youth

And if you eat a steak tonight

With a glass of vermouth

I hope you think of Cory

And his doings so uncouth.

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Growing Big And Strong

When I was a kid I ate mac and cheese;

Now I eat pasta au gratin.

I used to eat hot dogs with ketchup;

Now I eat bratwurst. Ooh la lan.

I used to eat burgers and french fries;

Now I order steaks frites on a bun

But the day I stop eating potato volcanos

Is when childhood’s really done.

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Dinner Plans

The lazy rain will not commit

To ruining our mood,

But teases we who might decide

To go outside with food.

Like a cat, it lies in wait

With cards close to its chest

Until we bypass caution

And don our Sunday best.

Thus, prudence adjudicates

Our picnic we might delay

And instead get chicken nugs

And mac and cheese today.

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Thanks, Millennials

If you’d like a hamburger

It only costs a dollar.

If you want cheese on it

It’ll cost you dollars two.

Want to add some bacon?

That’s two dollars fifty.

Want some avacado?

Your firstborn kid will do.

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Follow For More Post-Apocalyptic Recipes

The sky has fallen

The sea has boiled

The Earth has shaken

The contingency’s foiled

The zombies prowl

But I’m okay:

Whipped cream goes “psshhhh”

And they can’t take that away

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But Jell-O, Pasta, Potatoes, Tacos… All Fair Game

I think when you turn 40

You get a superpower

To make any food into a salad.

But when you’re 45

The option to use vegetables

Besides celery suddenly becomes invalid.

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Smoothies

Whenever I start hating humans

I remember that someone created

A cup that spins knives in the bottom

That cut food as its electrically gyrated

And it makes a smooth mixture of flavors

From fruits, sugar, protein, et cetera.

Sure, some people still put veggies in

But it still makes you feel better, huh?

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Port-au-Prince Palace Anyone?

We’ve talked about Chinese food

Being cats for many a year

And I have to ask if Haitians

Are missing a franchise opportunity here…

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Dirty Mind Test, V. 2024

They’re sweet and round and yummy

And better when filled with meat.

I’ll grab a pair with both my hands,

Spread some mayo, smile, and eat.

Mix it with a pickle

(A wiener would do as well)

And you’ve got yourself an evening…

Yeah, her buns are sweet as hell!

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What Did You Have For Lunch?

Today I tried making sushi

And, in a way, it was a success…

I managed to put all the rice in a roll

And wrap it in bamboo and press.

The ingredients all fit together

And it tasted like sushi indeed.

The downside is it looked like Lizzo

Wrapped in very expensive seaweed.

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