My wife made a dish today
With blackberries and stuff.
She put in lots of butter and sugar
And if that were not enough
She popped in some spices
And topped it with oats
And measured absolutely nothing
And said “Is that good? Totes!“
Turns out when tou stick things
That taste food together
And bake them a while
And don’t even measure
It ends up delicious
And super-dupes yummy
And now it’s all gone
And expanded my tummy.
Filed under Poems
Everything is food to something
And food is a wonderful gift
So don’t think too much about presents
And embrace your omnivorous thrift.
Filed under Poems
Eat raw cookie dough;
It’s basically sushi for
Happy chubby kids.
Filed under Poems
When I was a kid I ate mac and cheese;
Now I eat pasta au gratin.
I used to eat hot dogs with ketchup;
Now I eat bratwurst. Ooh la lan.
I used to eat burgers and french fries;
Now I order steaks frites on a bun
But the day I stop eating potato volcanos
Is when childhood’s really done.
Filed under Poems
The lazy rain will not commit
To ruining our mood,
But teases we who might decide
To go outside with food.
Like a cat, it lies in wait
With cards close to its chest
Until we bypass caution
And don our Sunday best.
Thus, prudence adjudicates
Our picnic we might delay
And instead get chicken nugs
And mac and cheese today.
Filed under Poems
If you’d like a hamburger
It only costs a dollar.
If you want cheese on it
It’ll cost you dollars two.
Want to add some bacon?
That’s two dollars fifty.
Want some avacado?
Your firstborn kid will do.
Filed under Poems
The sky has fallen
The sea has boiled
The Earth has shaken
The contingency’s foiled
The zombies prowl
But I’m okay:
Whipped cream goes “psshhhh”
And they can’t take that away
Filed under Poems
I think when you turn 40
You get a superpower
To make any food into a salad.
But when you’re 45
The option to use vegetables
Besides celery suddenly becomes invalid.
Filed under Poems
Whenever I start hating humans
I remember that someone created
A cup that spins knives in the bottom
That cut food as its electrically gyrated
And it makes a smooth mixture of flavors
From fruits, sugar, protein, et cetera.
Sure, some people still put veggies in
But it still makes you feel better, huh?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 