Tag Archives: Misunderstanding

Hot In More Ways Than One?

I asked how hot the weather was

On a scale of one to ten,

But apparently that’s boring

So I rephrased and asked again:

“On a scale that starts at Poop

“And goes until my Sadie Sink

“How hot is it?” They said “Satan’s balls”

And now I don’t know what to think…

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But If A Doctor Says “Die Jew”, Historians Make A Whole Thing About It…

I don’t know if God is real

But when I went to the doc

I found my religious beliefs attacked

Which was a nasty shock.

He drew some blood, and so I asked

“What’s it called when you do a test?”

Doc said, “Diagnostic”

And I ran away (that seemed best).

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Weather Or Not

There once was a guy from Poempeii

Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.

He said “Gods, I hate rain!

“Could you please stop this pain?”

How the Gods answered blew him away.

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See Also: Guillotine, Quinoa, Otorhinolaryngologist

Worcestershire and Draught

Were about to get married,

In love for the rest of their life

But the priest looked upset,

And said “I am sorry

“But I can’t pronounce you, husband and wife.”

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…

I needed some lubrication

(Not for that, you dirty cad!)

So I went to the supermarket

To see what types they had.

They had oil made from olives,

Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,

And ingredients I can’t pronounce

Even if I tried for hours.

But then I saw a product

That set my blood a boil:

Somebody was selling there

A jar of baby oil!

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Three Poems On The Mysteries Of Love

If I had a pickle

For every time you smile

I’d be decorating sandwiches

For a sufficient while.

—————————————————————

As the birds sing in the morning

And the bugs crawl in the night

So too doth my heart yearneth

When you say “Meh, you’re alright…”

—————————————————————

I picked the petals from the flower:

“She loves me, she loves me not…”

But I misread the directions

Turns out it was flour I bought.

As I sift through every grain

I frown and then I smile.

I’m getting a great workout

But the results will take a while.

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Shocking, But More Power To Him, Even Though He Misspelled It (Inspired By Current Events)

My buddy made a statement

That I didn’t really hear

So I looked at him and asked

“Volt times ampere?”

Apparently that wasn’t

The response for which he’d planned,

Thus he retorted “What?”

And I said “I’m shocked you understand!”

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Meta: Because “Livestock.com” Was Already Taken

The zebras neighed appreciatively

As the keeper gave them feed,

Thinking that the keeper

Sought to fill their every need.

The keeper spread the hay around

Like he did every day

So the owners of the zoo would keep

On giving him his pay.

The owners of the zoo filled out

The keeper’s monthly check

Knowing that without him

The zoo would be a wreck.

The zebra’s didn’t know

They were a product to be used,

Nor the keeper that his purpose

Was to keep visitors amused,

But the owners knew implicitly

That if the keepers and the beasts

Learned they were important

The owners would have to stop their feasts.

So too when surfing internets

And spying on your friends

You’re given an experience

Where pleasure never ends

Not knowing that the feeding

Is to keep the product still,

To exercise no power,

And to do the keeper’s will.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t eat

But just to look and see

The reason billionaires can give

You all this stuff for free.

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A Serving Is What You Eat On One Sitting, Right?

I used to wonder why grocery stores

Wrote the word “Oreos” on the box

When they only pack one serving.

Also, why’ve I outgrown my socks?

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