Tag Archives: Misunderstanding

Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…

I needed some lubrication

(Not for that, you dirty cad!)

So I went to the supermarket

To see what types they had.

They had oil made from olives,

Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,

And ingredients I can’t pronounce

Even if I tried for hours.

But then I saw a product

That set my blood a boil:

Somebody was selling there

A jar of baby oil!

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Three Poems On The Mysteries Of Love

If I had a pickle

For every time you smile

I’d be decorating sandwiches

For a sufficient while.

—————————————————————

As the birds sing in the morning

And the bugs crawl in the night

So too doth my heart yearneth

When you say “Meh, you’re alright…”

—————————————————————

I picked the petals from the flower:

“She loves me, she loves me not…”

But I misread the directions

Turns out it was flour I bought.

As I sift through every grain

I frown and then I smile.

I’m getting a great workout

But the results will take a while.

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Shocking, But More Power To Him, Even Though He Misspelled It (Inspired By Current Events)

My buddy made a statement

That I didn’t really hear

So I looked at him and asked

“Volt times ampere?”

Apparently that wasn’t

The response for which he’d planned,

Thus he retorted “What?”

And I said “I’m shocked you understand!”

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Meta: Because “Livestock.com” Was Already Taken

The zebras neighed appreciatively

As the keeper gave them feed,

Thinking that the keeper

Sought to fill their every need.

The keeper spread the hay around

Like he did every day

So the owners of the zoo would keep

On giving him his pay.

The owners of the zoo filled out

The keeper’s monthly check

Knowing that without him

The zoo would be a wreck.

The zebra’s didn’t know

They were a product to be used,

Nor the keeper that his purpose

Was to keep visitors amused,

But the owners knew implicitly

That if the keepers and the beasts

Learned they were important

The owners would have to stop their feasts.

So too when surfing internets

And spying on your friends

You’re given an experience

Where pleasure never ends

Not knowing that the feeding

Is to keep the product still,

To exercise no power,

And to do the keeper’s will.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t eat

But just to look and see

The reason billionaires can give

You all this stuff for free.

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A Serving Is What You Eat On One Sitting, Right?

I used to wonder why grocery stores

Wrote the word “Oreos” on the box

When they only pack one serving.

Also, why’ve I outgrown my socks?

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Next You’ll Tell Me Hot Sauce Bottles Breathe Fire…

Sometimes I wish

That I were a fish,

But then I think

“What if I sink?”

Just then my daughter

Said “Fish can breathe water.”

I said “You wish!

“Fish can just holds fish.”

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Pimento Control Now!

He was black, surrounded by brothers,

Unarmed and defenseless

When a white man came by

To perform something senseless:

The poor black was gutted

And served on a platter

With mediterranean food.

#BlackOlivesMatter

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Prelude to Sporking, If Ya Know What I Mean…

I’m not the kind to boast too much

But I attract those of feminine form.

I now propose a toast to such

In the hope such becomes the new norm.

There’ve been times in my past when companions are sparse,

Even times when there haven’t been any

But if one commits some subtle financial farce

A billfold makes none into many.

Never before have I seen such excitement

Or felt less akin to a dunce

When they paid for my patented eating utensil

Which is fork and spoon both, but at once!

Thus is my secret to wooing the broads.

Whoever would even have thought

That inventing the spork would improve my odds

Of females considering me hot?

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Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”

Will make the haters go away

Then I am most inclined to say

You’re stupid and you’re wrong.

If you think that posting signs

And standing tall in protest lines

Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”

I’ll sing a different song.

If you think that making noise

About police and childrens’ toys

And how some girls are really boys

Is going to change a heart

Then I will proudly bear the news:

Insulting those with different views

Won’t stop the “other people” blues,

But listening? There’s a start!

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