Tag Archives: Misunderstanding

This Problem Doesn’t Happen For Board Game Dates

I asked her out to eat with me

At Chez Insertnamehere.

It was a place with candlelight

And very expensive beer.

After our romantic dinner

Conversation hit a lull.

She said “Let’s have dinner again,”

But, alas, I was already full.

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When You Break Up / Lines In A Poem / So It Looks Longer / Than It Really / Is

Warlords might not be

The sensitive type,

Not ones to use shampoo

Or lotions,

But they’re a lot better

Than pacifists

Who are racist

Against certain oceans.

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On The General Nature Of Material Things

In this world of cats and dogs,

Of black and white, of bricks and logs,

It seems it nature’s choice we trust

The things which most resemble us,

Because of nature or our minds,

We oft call “evil” other kinds

Of creatures, colors, or supplies;

To do this I don’t think is wise.

If dogs chase cats or cats scratch dogs,

If we stack bricks or burn some logs

We do these things not out of spite

But merely ’cause it feels right.

So are we, by our nature, wrong

To do as we’ve done all along

Merely since a precious few

Feel malice as these things they do?

Shall we, must we, can we insist

That the building and the chase desist?

Are we all not good human beings

But, one and all, [Insert here]-ist fiends?

I like to think what harm we do

Is in pursuit of what is true,

And if we don’t find verity

We fail with true sincerity.

Impose not evil on the Earth

For no more than being given birth

And if another’s sin you see

Know the sinner is human like you and me.

Perhaps through this we’ll forget war,

We’ll never suffer anymore.

More likely we’ll still scratch and bite

But, mindfully, still smile despite.

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Isn’t It Amazing How Every Perspective Has Evidence For And Against It?

No liars are more common than those

Who support their thoughts with “a study shows.”

You’ll likely find, with some frustration,

These studies lack any citation.

For every “yes” a study may show

A different study somehow finds “no.”

Those who cry about the news

Do their fair share of pick-and-choose.

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Elton John Meets Dumbo

I’ve always been an ally

To animals and butterflies,

So I wanted to play piano

For the beasts. Never did I surmise

That tickling the ivories

Would, in fact, lead to my demise.

I thought it would be cute,

But the elephant thought otherwise.

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One Hot Lady

Like oil in a lamp

Your body casts light

On those huddled around you

In the heart of the night.

Made brave by your radiance

We shall never tire,

But I still wonder why

Someone set you on fire…

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The Solvers and The Havers

Most men enjoy solving problems;

It gives them a meaningful life.

Alas, this is not something wanted

By most men’s eventual wife.

A man will fix up an auto,

A house, a business, a toy,

But it’s not solving problems but having them

That I’ve noticed most women enjoy.

A woman takes pleasure in saying

“I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m gross,”

Because other women say “me too”

And by such connection grow close.

If a man tells another “I’m hungry”

Another will say “have a snack”

And the problem is solved with five words

And the men to their task may go back.

Now the trouble occurs when the solvers

Treat problem-lovers the same:

A woman says “I’m bored,” and the man

Says “go play a video game.”

Now if the woman obeys him

She’ll prob’ly no longer be bored

And thus need another discomfort

Until her drama-quota’s restored,

So the man has given a solution

Which really won’t help her a bit

So she says “you don’t understand me!”

And runs off and calls him a git.

The man is confused by her answer

But has a solution to that:

He says to himself “bitch be crazy”

And then changes the sink in his flat.

So men, if you want to help women

Be happy then here’s what to do:

Have lots of flaws in your character

So she’ll always have drama with you.

And women, you know how to please a man

And don’t need advising from me,

But (as a man I must say this)

Without drama how happy you’ll be!

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