Tag Archives: Puns

How to Enhance your Boredom

Every now and agin,

When entertainment is thin,

We human beings get bored.

But why must it be

That if bored are we

We cannot have fun?  Oh my lord!

 

For instance if you’ll

Be bored in a pool

That means you’re water board.

And if you find eating dull,

And your food brings a lull,

Then alternatively, you’re fodder bored.

 

If you’re bored with computers

And can’t define transmuters

Chances are you’re circuit board.

And if you want to have sex,

But you’re bored and depressed,

Go ahead and just furk it bored.

 

When you go on a sailboat

You’re boarding a ship.

When your date is boring

Just give them the slip.

If you’re on rollers or ice

You could be skate board,

And if you cannot be early,

Be late bored!

 

And finally if a lion

Who live out in Zion

Whose name is Ford, has roared,

Then it’s quite possible

That specific sort of dull

Is to be as lion Ford roared bored!

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Patron Saints

The patron saints are holy folk

Who represent a thing.

They really are some diverse blokes

Who don’t wear too much bling.

 

The patron saint of beggars

Is named Saint Nickeless.

The patron saint of guys without cucumbers

Is named Saint Pickeless.

 

The patron saint of sports cars

Is named, for some reason, Jen.

She drove her car into a tree

And saw how a Mercedes bends.

 

The patron Saint of mummies

Is bound to be uptight.

The patron Saint of lanterns

Went on a diet.  Now he’s light.

 

The patron Saint of music

Threw a piano down a mine.

He found, at the bottom, A-flat minor.

The Saint of taxes thought it was fine.

 

But throughout time, the Patron Saint

Of unemployed cowboys hasn’t changed,

But I think he’s rather senile

‘Cause like his subjects, he’s deranged.

 

Now please excuse me readers,

This poem’s for the birds.

I think I’ll write a film adaptation.

It’ll be a play on words!

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The Fisherman’s Solution

Fishing:

Many of us have done it.

Wishing:

That we would catch something.

Hishing:

Like a snake when we didn’t.

Fishing:

I’ve come up with the solution.

 

Fishing:

We use bait fish like to eat.

Swishing:

Through the water before them.

Dishing:

Out food, but that’s not what fish want.

Fishing:

I’ve got a solution.

 

Fishing needs a bait that is better,

Fishing needs bait that will make fish get wetter

And want, with their young lustful fishy young hearts.

It’s a bait for the masters, and it comes from my heart:

 

Master bait!

Quality in the palm of your hand!

Master bait!

When you’re bored go to the lake and

Master Bait!

You can do it in the light and the dark

And in terms of baseball

You can whack it out of the park!

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