Tag Archives: Worse than usual

Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU

What if all the billionaires

Just stood out on the street

And walked around in circles

And challenged everyone they’d meet

To have a Pokemon battle

That they would surely lose

And give the winner money?

But alas, they’re only jews.

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All True, But It Should Have Ended Eight Lines Sooner

If you put yogurt into a tube

It changes its name to Gogurt.

If you put yogurt into a friendship

It changes its name to brogurt.

If you plant yogurt deep in the forest

Someday it just might growgurt.

If you give it high heels and make it dance

You could say its a showgurt.

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Sorry Mr. President, But You Can’t Come Back To Disneyland

Everything was going well

Until I ate that Taco Bell…

For one glorious ride I was a fountain

In the very first car upon Splash Mountain.

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Shocking, But More Power To Him, Even Though He Misspelled It (Inspired By Current Events)

My buddy made a statement

That I didn’t really hear

So I looked at him and asked

“Volt times ampere?”

Apparently that wasn’t

The response for which he’d planned,

Thus he retorted “What?”

And I said “I’m shocked you understand!”

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It’ll Get Better Soon… Maybe (Probably Not : )

Yesterday I wrote a joke

And thought I’d write more later.

By later I had decomposed

Into a couch potater.

From the fact ai wrote “potater”

I suspect that you can see

This week has not inspired

My most vibrant artistry.

So tonight I have a fallback

That I’ve used in ages past

Where I write a bit on writing

And use words like “grand” and “vast.”

I make questionable decisions

And lines with uneven meter,

And rap up the inanity

By rhyming with saltpeter.

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When The School Counselor Gives Up

Just because last time you jumped

You injured yourself in the fall

Doesn’t mean you’ll be mistaken

If you once again give it your all.

Just because last time the verdict

Did not go the way you intended

Does not mean your life will be better

If you avoid being offended.

Just because pain is eternal

Doesn’t mean you should quit having fun.

Don’t be a fool! Get up! Go to school!

And oh, by the way, here’s a gun.

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I’m Sleepy, You Have Low Expectations… Let’s Compromise

Brevity is a virtue…

Perfect rhyming too

I have one of those

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The Birds and the Seas

If you are a whale

Your parents probably sing

About how to safely do

The reproduction thing.

If you are a shark instead

The learning that’s essential

Is that some biting might be fun

As long as you are gentle.

If you’re in a school of fish

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you can puke out your guts

And your skin is covered in spines

Because if you’re the sea cucumber

It is my belief

You’re in a bit of danger

When teenage whales need relief…

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Idioms, Like Pubic Hair, Are Better When Short

When life gives you lemons

You make lemonade

Then you give it to children

Who sell it and get paid

Then give you their money

Which your wife will then spend

And life gives you more lemons

And when will it end?

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Haiku: When Someone Tells Me There Are More Than 2 Genders

Ha ha ha ha ha,

Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha.

Wait, there’s more… (pause)… Ha.

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