Tag Archives: Worse than usual

Subverting Expectations

Tonight events happened that occupied time

And now I must sleep and dream of a mime.

I probably won’t, but it goes to show

I don’t always rhyme “time” with “rhyme”, my bro.

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Perhaps The Most Extraordinarily Literal Poem Ever

Tonight, I lay in bed and rest

So tomorrow I can make a quest

Southward past the Emerald City

Where law enforcement’s really shitty.

I’m going there to see my girl,

Upon whom all my thoughts do swirl.

We’re working on my latest book

And soon you’ll get an early look!

So yeah, that’s all I have to say…

Just a life update and marketing play.

She is great and so are you

And now I need to sleep. Yahoo!

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In Other News, How Did 10:53 Become “Late”?

There once was a poet in bed

With ideas flush in his head,

But he stayed ip too late

And, as was his fate,

He dashed down a limerick instead.

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Good Night Already!

Sometimes you do what you need to do;

Sometimes you do what you don’t.

Sometimes my thoughts will be deeper than this

But most of the time they won’t.

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I’m Officially Trademarking The Pathetic Two-Liner

Tonight we played games ‘til 11:00 PM

Which is a good reason for short poems ™

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Yeah… When Poets Get Jobs They Write Crap Like This #FundTheArts 🥳

Once upon an evening time

My mind could only find one rhyme,

So off I went with weariness

To sleep, and so should you.

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At Least I Commit To Finishing Acrostics Though

I is for the intimacy we have yet to share

M is for the the many ways I show you I care

N is for how no one can compare

E is for “except that girl who has the pretty hair.”

V is for how very sorry I will claim to be

E is for that exceptional hair I never will unsee…

R is for I’m really sorry this time. Forgive me?

G is for the gift I’ll buy to say that I’m sorry

E is for how every day you give me another chance.

T is for the tightness you inspire in my pants

T is for your temperance, which totally rhymes with “dance”

I is for how I hope to rekindle our romance

N is for how nuts it is I ogle other girls

G is for “good thing I’m not into hair with sexy curls.”

L is for how light catches her hair as it unfurls…

A is for “Alright, alright! I’ll buy you some new pearls.”

I is for I really wish I were a better dude

D is for “Doggone it, if you weren’t such a prude…”

A is for apologizing for how I am lewd

G is for the golden curls falling upon the nude…

A is for “At least I didn’t finish the previous line.”

I is for the infinite ways you, my dear, are fine.

N is the never being bad again if you’ll remain as mine.

! is the punctuation after you vehemently decline.

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Yeah… Not Inspired Lately

All these folks are making jokes

Like why was six afraid of seven?

So seven ate nine, that’s well and fine

But I’ve got a joke sent from heaven:

Why were e people

Afraid of the letter W?

Cause White people.

Haha, hehe, whoo!

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Enough Of Pthis Greek Shipt

There once was a guy named Ptolemy

Who was ptaller than just about any ptree.

And wouldn’pt you know it

I don’pt have a punchline

But I pthink you get the tpoint.

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He said “Hey there baby.

“Want to date a carpenter?”

She said “I would rather

“French kiss a pencil sharpener.”

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