Tag Archives: Worse than usual

How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I’ll Just Leave This Here

I asked a friendly prostitute

If she’d service a leper.

She looked at me a moment

And she said “yep, yep, yepper!”

We had a crazy evening.

Yes, it was quite a trip!

I asked “how can I thank you?”

She said “just leave the tip.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You Think “That Would Rhyme Well,” Realize You Were Wrong, And Don’t Fix It

There once was a man named Jared Russ

Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.

He ate it all the time

But for lack of a rhyme

Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Yet We Know All About Sea Cucumber Reproduction…

If you took the Bible

And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”

With “I like to eat babies”

You’d have the very same book.

The same can be said for “Croissant,”

And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”

I find it quite surprising

No one’s written a thesis on this yet.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Dumbledore and Me

As Dumbledore once said

When called upon to speak:

“I have a few words to say:

“Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak.”

These words describe my mental state

It’s been that sort of week.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

On Acceptable Mediocrity And Busy Schedules

When one cannot find the time

To come up with a clever rhyme

Or twist to end a bit of verse

One may perchance become terse.

One may then search and one may find

That a lousy poem they don’t mind,

That stuff can be bad yet still okay

And that’s the tale of my poem today!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems