Tag Archives: Worse than usual

Oh, Also I’m Sick

Sitting on a bus

Waiting to go home.

I don’t feel creative at all.

The driver is gone.

If this moment were art

It’d be the plain red stripe on a hotel wall.

Dogs are pretty.

Pretties are not always dogs.

If you thought you’d be happy

With this poem’s conclusion

Reread the first two lines.

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Now There’s A Joke!

Golf

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Hint: I’m Burning The American Southeast In Effigy

It’s my birthday.

The Seahawks lost.

You may or may not draw

An accurate conclusion

Of my happiness (or lack thereof)

Based on that information.

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Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

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Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child

Grizzly bear

Sitting there

Playing with

My ex-wife’s hair.

He seems happy.

She seems dead.

Yes I’m morbid.

Now, off to bed.

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Stanzas 2, Thought 0

When I moved into

The mobile home park

I thought my life

Was turning dark,

But I found pleasure

As I sought paying labors

In the form of melo-

Dramatic neighbors.

If you say “hello”

They say “Hail traveler!”

You say “I like Charizard,”

And they say “I love Graveler!”

It’s like they’re in a movie,

So although my life’s a failure

I take solace in the fact

They’re a theatrical trailer.

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Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…

“If I were a pickled spleen

Kept in a jar for 30 years

Charged with electrical current

In a chamber full of your darkest fears,

Then released from the jar on a Sunday

And carried overseas by some birds

To attend celebrations in Istanbul

Would you still kiss me afterwards?”

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