If I played a chess game
With some super-intelligent flies
I think I’d probably win
On account of superior size.
Tag Archives: Chess
The Kinda-Mostly-True Life of Bobby Fischer
I was a child prodigy,
A master at young age,
A Grandmaster at age seven,
A prepubescent sage.
Yet time passed by and I got old.
My skills increased as well,
Yet now that I’m a grown-up guy
I’ve lost the magic spell.
Instead of great, unique, and wise
I’m seen as “kinda lame,”
Forty years old, I’ve spent my life
Playing an old board game.
So what happened? What really changed?
Is greatness not enough?
When I was young my life was ease,
But now my life is tough?
It seems as if flying around,
Moving pawns on a board,
Winning trophies and title bouts
Is more impressive when you’re four?
Well then, screw that! I’m done with chess!
I’m moving far away
To be a scary racist hermit
And with myself I’ll play!
But now they call me back to play
A world championship game.
The cold war hinges on my success;
Such is the price of fame.
But afterwards I’m gone again
And that’s just fine with me.
My only hope’s that they will make
A movie about searching for me.
Filed under Poems
Chess: The Other Perspective
I like carmel. I like salt.
I like things that aren’t my fault.
I like chickens, ducks, and geese.
Star Wars rules. So does John Cleese.
I like monkeys, apes and such.
I like girls a bit too much.
What I don’t like is being made of wood
And shaped into a pawn. That just ain’t good.
I live a life of constant war.
In the middle I die, but the sides are a bore.
I don’t have films or birds or caramel
And, surrounded by pieces, I feel abnarmel
And that’s not all! In my whole world
There only is a single girl
Who’s married to my weak-ass boss
Who me into the fray does toss.
We are the lonely pawns, the guards,
And we hope one day you’ll decide to play cards.
Filed under Poems
The Last Word Means “Isn’t It” In Sekigaharan-Era Japanese… Or Something
I’m a bit of a shut-in,
A nerd I confess.
(A semi-pro poet?
Now who’d ever guess?)
But today I got social.
(Is he out of his mind?)
I got out of the house
Leaving nerddom behind.
At 8:00 AM sharp
I watched children play chess
Then I drove to Canada
To play Pokemon (yes).
Then I played a game
Of Sekigahara
Which is about Japanese folks
Whose names rhyme with Ishikara.
I ended it all
By taking a friend
To an improv show based on
The D&D trend.
I got home at 11:00
And 51 minutes.
It’s good to know I’m
A nerd no longer, innit?
Filed under Poems
Chess as a Model of Social Justice, or Why I’m a Stay-at-home Pawn
Some are born as Queens or Kings.
Some are born as other things.
But be you bishop, rook, or knight,
At least you’re not a pawn. Am I right?
And if, unluckily, you are a pawn
You’d best just keep on keeping on.
You’ll reach a spot where life treats you fair.
(Or, more likely, you’ll get murdered on your way there).
And if you reach that special place,
A queen or rook you may replace,
Where you are but some king’s conquest
Or else called “castle,” despite your protest.
Or perhaps you’re promoted to a knight
And never again can you move quite right.
You could be a bishop, those stoic blokes
And victims of off-color jokes.
Only one can be the king,
The chosen one, or another such thing.
So if you’re a pawn, your best bet
Is to stay still in the corner with no regret.
The happiest piece, the jolliest lord
Of the 64-square light and dark colored board
Is the piece that stays safe at home.
That’s why I no longer roam.
Filed under Poems
Chess
They set up the board
In four neat lines.
The kings they ward
Through strength of minds.
White moves his pawn,
Then black does too.
The game rolls on.
The kings stand true.
First blood is drawn
By a charging knight.
The queen takes pawn,
And bishops fight.
The rook takes knight
Then pawn kills pawn.
Black fights white.
The kings carry on.
After an hour
And a twist of fate,
The queen shows her power
And that’s checkmate.
The players stand.
The battle is done,
And both are winners,
For both had fun.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 