The good news is I played Mario Kart;
The bad news is I didn’t win;
The good news is I placed 5th;
The bad news is only four were playin’;
The good news is I’m humble;
The bad news is my kart
Was twice as fast as everyone else
And had a six minute head start.
Filed under Poems
I’ll tell you a tale of a terror
Of a fellow whose job starts with “C”.
He sold silly stuff, but it wasn’t enough
To make “millionaire” start with a “B”.
So it would seem that he dreamed up a scheme
Where whenever one wanted to win
They could wait for an hour to double their power
Or just pay not to wait to begin.
From there they’d enable the financially stable
To get, just a bit at a time,
A pack of fine hats that add one to your stats
For eleventy-one gems and a dime.
I’m not sure which curse is objectively worse:
The fact that they dreamed up this plan
Or that players will buy ‘til the debt hits their eye
For a chance at a doodad in tan.
And yet player one wants a gun that’s more fun
And mom’s credit card’s been pre-approved…
Or how about trying to stop all our buying
Until C-level guy gets removed?
Filed under Poems
Today I was a prophetess
Who traveled with two mules
Slaying monsters o’er the realm
According to the rules.
I was struck down by a dwarf
After a clash of elder magic
Because I rolled the dice with death
And my results were tragic.
Four hours were by family spent
In quest for crown and glory.
After that, we ate pizza rolls
And thus endeth the story.
Filed under Poems
Look at the stone, all majestic and gray;
It makes mountains strong and foundations stay.
Stone can be gems or statues or a castle
And if you think paper beats them, then you are an assh’le.
Filed under Poems
People go to work
Eight hours a day
Clicking buttons mindlessly
To earn their meager pay,
After which they go home
And spend sixty bucks
To click buttons mindlessly
And then say their life sucks…
Filed under Poems
If you have a friend who is male
Here’s a game that will never get stale:
Find a sports team or three,
Guess who’ll win, disagree…
You’ll be right half the time without fail!
Filed under Poems
She stands tall and beautiful,
Symmetrical and brown.
Little did I know my touch
Will bring her crashing down.
Everyone around her stares
In silence, tense and fun
And I know I must reach out
And be her only one.
I know not where to try my luck,
So I start with her feet
Then move attention to her head,
The first trial complete.
Still she stands, but shaken
By the change in her I’ve wrought.
My hands keep going back to her
Despite how hard I fought.
All through the night I push and pull
And hope that I could change her,
But it is I who lost my nerve
Amidst an air of danger.
I thought I’d stand so tall and proud
And thought she’d do the same.
Alas, together we collapse;
Thus ends the Jenga game.
Filed under Poems
Hey there Trump
And hey there Biden!
Joe will be seekin’
And Don will be hidin’.
Don tuns away
And Joe starts to count…
“One, two, three-hundred-thousand
“Or something… an amount.
“Ready or not,
“Here I come.”
OMG, Don’s not hidden…
He must be dumb.
Filed under Poems
In yonder black beyond the sky
Where only stars call home
We set the scene for what’s to come
To those who in it roam:
Ten passengers, a crew do make
Of the mighty spaceship, Skeld.
‘Tis on this craft a tale of woe
For you, tonight, is held.
Each crewmate dons a colored suit,
Of yellow, orange, cyan,
Pink, lime, red, black, blue, or green
Else white, violet, or tan.
‘Tween seven and nine are loyal crew
While one to three impostors stalk;
The majority have tasks to do,
Whilst among them evil walks.
Some may vouch for one another
If a task completed be,
While other times they may accuse
One whom with a corpse they see.
The corpse in question comes of course
From the impostor’s dubious deeds:
By fist or gun or alien maw
The tainted crew fulfills their needs.
Anyone can call a meeting
When a body’s finally found
And good and evil, roles unknown
Within the cafe gather round.
A choir of “Where?” Is said by all
Until the meeting’s caller may tell
The identity of the fallen mate
And the room in which they fell.
The rainbow spacemen then take turns
Declaring one another “sus,”
Casting blame without a clue…
Such is the game called “Among Us.”
Whoever’s name is called the most
Is thrown into the great beyond.
This repeats until such time
As evil’s purged or good is gone.
Time then, in mysterious ways,
Returns to whence the quest began.
If you want to live this dream
Download the app and soon you can.
But fear not only those who lurk
As black or pink or red or lime…
Fear the monster of this life
Which is the loss of your free time!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 