Tag Archives: Games

I’m Just That Bad

The good news is I played Mario Kart;

The bad news is I didn’t win;

The good news is I placed 5th;

The bad news is only four were playin’;

The good news is I’m humble;

The bad news is my kart

Was twice as fast as everyone else

And had a six minute head start.

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On Monetization (For A Limited Time, You Can See This Poem’s Secret Full Title For Just $1.99 When You Like And Subscribe)!

I’ll tell you a tale of a terror

Of a fellow whose job starts with “C”.

He sold silly stuff, but it wasn’t enough

To make “millionaire” start with a “B”.

So it would seem that he dreamed up a scheme

Where whenever one wanted to win

They could wait for an hour to double their power

Or just pay not to wait to begin.

From there they’d enable the financially stable

To get, just a bit at a time,

A pack of fine hats that add one to your stats

For eleventy-one gems and a dime.

I’m not sure which curse is objectively worse:

The fact that they dreamed up this plan

Or that players will buy ‘til the debt hits their eye

For a chance at a doodad in tan.

And yet player one wants a gun that’s more fun

And mom’s credit card’s been pre-approved…

Or how about trying to stop all our buying

Until C-level guy gets removed?

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Game Niiiiiiight! *Pumps Fist And Hurts Shoulder In The Dorkiest Possible Way*

Today I was a prophetess

Who traveled with two mules

Slaying monsters o’er the realm

According to the rules.

I was struck down by a dwarf

After a clash of elder magic

Because I rolled the dice with death

And my results were tragic.

Four hours were by family spent

In quest for crown and glory.

After that, we ate pizza rolls

And thus endeth the story.

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What People Who Don’t Play D&D Think It Is

“If I had a mugwump

For every warlock I

Smote fiercely with a fireball

I’d have six succubi!”

Thus spake the rogue of Harkenfell

Who wields a lengthy blade;

Many orcs by it were slewn

And many damsels laid.

The cleric sighed disdainfully,

The fighter’s belly shook,

The paladin had left the inn,

The wizard read a book,

And I the bard wrote verse on this,

The wandering hero’s life

For I am a virginal roleplayer

With a very un-roguish knife.

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No Comment On The Cutty Things

Look at the stone, all majestic and gray;

It makes mountains strong and foundations stay.

Stone can be gems or statues or a castle

And if you think paper beats them, then you are an assh’le.

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Video Games

People go to work

Eight hours a day

Clicking buttons mindlessly

To earn their meager pay,

After which they go home

And spend sixty bucks

To click buttons mindlessly

And then say their life sucks…

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Some People Get Paid Millions For This…

If you have a friend who is male

Here’s a game that will never get stale:

Find a sports team or three,

Guess who’ll win, disagree…

You’ll be right half the time without fail!

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One Night, But There’s No Standing

She stands tall and beautiful,

Symmetrical and brown.

Little did I know my touch

Will bring her crashing down.

Everyone around her stares

In silence, tense and fun

And I know I must reach out

And be her only one.

I know not where to try my luck,

So I start with her feet

Then move attention to her head,

The first trial complete.

Still she stands, but shaken

By the change in her I’ve wrought.

My hands keep going back to her

Despite how hard I fought.

All through the night I push and pull

And hope that I could change her,

But it is I who lost my nerve

Amidst an air of danger.

I thought I’d stand so tall and proud

And thought she’d do the same.

Alas, together we collapse;

Thus ends the Jenga game.

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If America Were A Game

Hey there Trump

And hey there Biden!

Joe will be seekin’

And Don will be hidin’.

Don tuns away

And Joe starts to count…

“One, two, three-hundred-thousand

“Or something… an amount.

“Ready or not,

“Here I come.”

OMG, Don’s not hidden…

He must be dumb.

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Space Travel and the Perils of Mobile Gaming

In yonder black beyond the sky

Where only stars call home

We set the scene for what’s to come

To those who in it roam:

Ten passengers, a crew do make

Of the mighty spaceship, Skeld.

‘Tis on this craft a tale of woe

For you, tonight, is held.

Each crewmate dons a colored suit,

Of yellow, orange, cyan,

Pink, lime, red, black, blue, or green

Else white, violet, or tan.

‘Tween seven and nine are loyal crew

While one to three impostors stalk;

The majority have tasks to do,

Whilst among them evil walks.

Some may vouch for one another

If a task completed be,

While other times they may accuse

One whom with a corpse they see.

The corpse in question comes of course

From the impostor’s dubious deeds:

By fist or gun or alien maw

The tainted crew fulfills their needs.

Anyone can call a meeting

When a body’s finally found

And good and evil, roles unknown

Within the cafe gather round.

A choir of “Where?” Is said by all

Until the meeting’s caller may tell

The identity of the fallen mate

And the room in which they fell.

The rainbow spacemen then take turns

Declaring one another “sus,”

Casting blame without a clue…

Such is the game called “Among Us.”

Whoever’s name is called the most

Is thrown into the great beyond.

This repeats until such time

As evil’s purged or good is gone.

Time then, in mysterious ways,

Returns to whence the quest began.

If you want to live this dream

Download the app and soon you can.

But fear not only those who lurk

As black or pink or red or lime…

Fear the monster of this life

Which is the loss of your free time!

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