Tag Archives: Games

I Got Game?

My sex life is like a game of bridge,

And I don’t mean bland:

I don’t need a partner

‘Cause I have an awesome hand.

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The Second-Greatest Invention Of All Time Was A Cutting Device

The greatest invention of all time

Was the invention of paper

Not because it simplified written language

Or made knowledge portable,

But because it drastically reduced the number of ties

In the popular game of “Rock.”

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Monopoly

You all begin by passing “go,”

But who will win we don’t yet know.

You buy land with childish glee

Wherever two dice should decree.

This play continues for a while

And all the players wear a smile

Until the property is bought.

Then the game changes a lot.

Instead of paying endless rent

It pays to be of criminal bent

And spend a couple turns in jail

Before you pay a $50 bail.

But at this point the odds are high

That you know who is the guy

Who’ll win the game when all is done.

At this point it’s no longer fun.

But do you stop when joy is gone?

No! No! No! You carry on!

When bankrupt are the car and shoe,

The thimble’s dead and so are you

So ends the game, and that is when

The winner says “Let’s play again!”

Then you and the losers, at your behest

Punch the winner in his community chest.

Through the pain he says “Tsk, tsk.

“Then how about a game of Risk?”

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The Best Video Game Story Since Tetris

I lived in a two-story house.

The upper floor was mine.

I told my mom “I’m moving out.”

She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”

I tried to leave my little town

But an old man happened to see

And called “don’t go into the grass.”

Then ordered “follow me!”

I walked back with him to his lab

Where he forgot his grandson’s name

And gave me a living vegetable

That some people think is lame.

The old guy’s grandson challenged me

To a battle without gore

And I showed the power of friendship

Via my brand-new bulbasaur.

From that point on my journey

Is a blur of fallen foes

From Brock, Misty, and zubats

To a couple missingnos.

Somehow grandson Noname

Was always a step ahead

But I met him in Vermillion

And made his Raticate dead.

Then I beat organized crime,

Filled an encyclopedia,

Became the champion of the world

Without even leech-seeding ya’.

I am in fact the very best

So between you and me

I think the secret to success

Is skipping puberty.

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Thus, Words With Friends

I figured I could dabble

In championship Scrabble.

Then he played “Krypterqu”

For 502.

Now I just play with the rabble.

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Playing With A Too-Full Deck

The young bet on clubs

And slowly lose their mind.

The grown bet on diamonds

And what they seek, they find.

The old bet on spades

And in time all follow suit.

For those who bet on hearts

Best be rich, or else be cute.

Yet I drew five jokers…

I’m either destined for greatness

Or I bet on too many clubs.

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Monopoly Ends

It’s half an hour to midnight

As the car runs out of gas.

The hat succumbs to the weather.

The little dog treats me like a cat.

My will is like an iron

As I walk in metal shoes

Towards the hotel of my rivals

And I know I’m bound to lose.

No change, though hours are passing

At the boardwalk by the park.

A steamship carrying wheelbarrows

Passes silent in the dark.

And as I spend my last coin

At the railroad B&O

I look at my thimble overlord,

Roll doubles thrice and to jail I go.

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