Tag Archives: Justice

Florida Man Saves Music

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand

And asked “Do you have any grapes?”

The lemonade seller shot dead the duck feller

Which proves not all heroes wear capes.

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On Vehicular Abuse

On behalf of all the tires kicked,

The roofs slapped, the bumpers knicked,

The cars entered without consent

And sold by men with ill intent:

We confess that in the past

We used you and we moved too fast,

Judged you by color and age

And failed to pay you any wage.

Forgive we ask, and hear our pleas

To cars and trucks and SUVs,

And with your help we make this vow:

With you, we’ll go the right way now.

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5:00 AM, The Homes Of Single Women Everywhere

Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,

Pearly white her claws,

And you have been found guilty

Of not following her laws.

She deigns to shake her golden mane

Before she makes you dead,

The only just denouement

For leaving the cat unfed.

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About Your Pet Spider…

If you tell me to take care of

A monster with eight eyes

I hope you won’t be unhappy

When it inevitably dies.

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Reason #4,231,277 I Love Texas

You can make a salad

Out of Jell-o or potatoes,

One with cheese and croutons

Or bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes.

And though you can make a salad

Out of nothing more than fruit, you

Chose to make a kale salad…

I have no choice but to shoot you.

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Chess as a Model of Social Justice, or Why I’m a Stay-at-home Pawn

Some are born as Queens or Kings.

Some are born as other things.

But be you bishop, rook, or knight,

At least you’re not a pawn. Am I right?

And if, unluckily, you are a pawn

You’d best just keep on keeping on.

You’ll reach a spot where life treats you fair.

(Or, more likely, you’ll get murdered on your way there).

And if you reach that special place,

A queen or rook you may replace,

Where you are but some king’s conquest

Or else called “castle,” despite your protest.

Or perhaps you’re promoted to a knight

And never again can you move quite right.

You could be a bishop, those stoic blokes

And victims of off-color  jokes.

Only one can be the king,

The chosen one, or another such thing.

So if you’re a pawn, your best bet

Is to stay still in the corner with no regret.

The happiest piece, the jolliest lord

Of the 64-square light and dark colored board

Is the piece that stays safe at home.

That’s why I no longer roam.

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Falling Short

Why do bad things happen
To good people,
And good things to bad people too?
I’ve discovered the answer
To this age old question
And I’m happy to share it with you.

See, God was still young
Before existence existed
And was bored by living alone,
So the deity started
A 30-day challenge,
His Godly skills for to hone.

The first couple days
He made the earth,
Light in the night and the day.
By day six he’d made
All the animals too,
And even made the color gray.

So after six days
He was no longer inspired
And thus ended his personal goals
Nine days short of such makings
As justice and Santa
And a good hair care line for Trolls.

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Death to All Insects

Ugh! A bug!
I gave it a hug
From my heavy-duty, carbon-fiber swatter.

Another is spied,
And I can’t conceal my pride
‘Cause my darling saw the second bug and shot ‘er.

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