A groan is fitting for a bad joke,
A sidelong glance for annoyances,
A yell or shout for problems grand,
A balloon pop for failed buoyances.
To the variety sure is great, y’all,
But I prefer it when one’s sighs fits all.
Tag Archives: Puns
Variance of Expressions
Filed under Poems
I Apologize In Advance
I visited a farm
When I was a Sophomore
Where I met a cow named Landeskog,
The only Swedish cow I’d seen before.
Later, when I was eating lunch,
A pack of mac and cheese,
Landeskog started crying
Right on my macaronis.
So all the tedious lead up
That has been this vignetti
Is to tell you of the time I had
Swedish meat bawl on my spaghetti.
Filed under Poems
A Font-astic Bowler
Time’s new roman
Was a bold chap
Born in Rome
So I guess
He’s Italic.
He tried to fly,
But with no wings to flap
It was hard
To get Arial.
(Or phallic).
So he took up bowling
And his shoes were Size 12
He bowled strikes
And Strikethroughs.
Pins reset-ica.
And he once bowled a gutter,
And oh did he yell-ve.
He shouted “undo!”
And then
“What the Helvetica!”
Filed under Poems
Bumblebee (In a Way)
You see a male bovine stand
At the corner of main street and sunny
Saying Hello, my name’s Bull A.
“May I please have some money?”
So you give some cash to the bum, Bull A,
When around the corner you do see
A second bull, begging for honey
And you know that he is Bum Bull B.
Filed under Poems
Remote Memories
Give pause for a moment,
Stop your mind,
And take a moment to rewind.
Remember all the menu dated,
And that play you really hated.
Enter your own quiet place,
With volume down and quiet bass.
Make a resolution
To replay your past,
‘Cause this life goes forward fast.
Filed under Poems
How to be Batman in 24 Hours
I manage some apartments
And I like to play some cards,
But this week I became batman.
It wasn’t all that hard.
I started by evicting the tenant
In apartment twenty two, man.
She moved away with her twenty cats.
I’d kicked out the Cat Woman.
That very night some friends of mine
Came over to play some poker.
We had a deck of fifty three cards,
So I took out the joker.
What villain will I conquer next
At my apartment in central Maine?
We’ll see, but first I’ll shop a bit
Online at, yes… E-bayne.
Filed under Poems
Bowling Shoes
“I’ve got a grand idea,”
Some terrible person said,
“Of how to extort bowlers
For an extra $2.50 a head.
“We’ll make them rent this tacky shoes
All red and green and orange
And just don’t mention anywhere
How many times they have been wornge.”
Well, that’s my rant in bowling shoes
Repeated here in whole.
The guy who thought up bowling shoes
Must not have had a sole.
Filed under Poems
Pickup Poem
If you share a room your are roommates.
Two witches, they are broom mates.
Two husbands might be groom mates,
And mass graves make for tomb mates.
Two buddies in Australia
Are just plain mates, it’s true.
But we don’t need those titles.
I just want to mate with you.
Filed under Poems
Autumn Leaves
The trees turn gold,
The leaves turn orange.
A girl named Autumn
Walks through fields of cornge.
Her shoes are brown.
Her dress is silver.
She is planning a burglary.
She expects to pilfer.
She breaks into a farmhouse,
The queen of thieves.
She takes many treasures,
Then Autumn leaves.
Filed under Poems
How to Enhance your Boredom
Every now and agin,
When entertainment is thin,
We human beings get bored.
But why must it be
That if bored are we
We cannot have fun? Oh my lord!
For instance if you’ll
Be bored in a pool
That means you’re water board.
And if you find eating dull,
And your food brings a lull,
Then alternatively, you’re fodder bored.
If you’re bored with computers
And can’t define transmuters
Chances are you’re circuit board.
And if you want to have sex,
But you’re bored and depressed,
Go ahead and just furk it bored.
When you go on a sailboat
You’re boarding a ship.
When your date is boring
Just give them the slip.
If you’re on rollers or ice
You could be skate board,
And if you cannot be early,
Be late bored!
And finally if a lion
Who live out in Zion
Whose name is Ford, has roared,
Then it’s quite possible
That specific sort of dull
Is to be as lion Ford roared bored!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 