Tag Archives: Writing

The Weaker Poetry Bloggers, One Year Into The Apocalypse… #Weak

‘Twas on a night near end of Spring

When I was asked to write a thing

Describing how the flowers bloomed

Even though humanity’s doomed.

“Roses are red“, so started my verse

“And violets are blue, unlike that hearse.”

And then I decided since I’d end up dead

To quit writing poems and play golf instead.

So wrote a lesser poet just days

Before he was eaten by the undead horde.

When apocalypse comes, I’ll struggle in ways

But never complain that, when writing, I’m bored.

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah

I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed

When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need

To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”

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If Academic Papers Were Haikus: An Unnecessarily Wordy Inquiry Into The Five Syllable, Seven Syllable, Five Syllable Metric Pattern Of Japanese Poetry Because My Professor Assigned A 500-Word Paper (Please Don’t Check My Margins Or Change The Font Color)

A haiku has five

Syllables, and then seven

On the second line

According to a

Study by Milner and Stein

In 2005.

They discovered that

The five-seven-five pattern

Was correlated

With most old haiku.

That means haiku have three lines.

Polysyllabic.

This correlation

Was confirmed by researchers

Who can count numbers.

To learn more, check out

My works cited I stole from

Wikipedia.

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How To Win The Internet

My most popular poem has 58 likes.

Second place has just 24.

It’s caused me to think, and even consider

Just writing to please the bots more.

After all, if what gets me exposure

Is whatever the A.I. likes best

Is that not the way to become popular

And say to the world, “I’m the best?”

And that, my dear readers, is madness!

It’s crap of the highest degree,

A symptom of how the internet age

Can inspire such insanity.

Art doesn’t need to be popular;

Life doesn’t need to be flawless;

When the rules of the game are to lie, cheat, and steal

Then the answer is just to be lawless.

I’m not going to think about numbers.

I’m not going to worry about views.

I’m going to write about what makes me happy

Instead of what’s big in the news.

And if you are willing to venture

To a world where you’re thought of as “lame”

I think you’ll find what happiness comes

When you too quit the internet game.

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Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Yet another sign

That our publics schools suck ass:

They have a grading rubric

For a “creative writing” class.

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YA Romance Writers, Take Note

While I was making sweet, sweet love

To my canoe, I thought:

“Just because your love’s forbidden

“Doesn’t mean it’s hot.”

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Wear Love Blossoms?

Yew are the tree that sustains me.

U turn the sick to the well.

Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.

I love you although I can’t spell.

You’re poem touched me this evening.

Your the only one I think of now.

Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go

But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.

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A Poetical Update/Cry For Help

As I was reading through my blog

Upon this snowy day

I realized there’s lots of posts

That, by default, went away.

There are two-thousand-something poems

That I’ve written on this site

And to have them be forgotten

Just really isn’t right.

I looked into solutions

But to add a button here

To send you to a random post

Costs $600 a year (Seriously WordPress? Seriously?)

So my solution to preserve

Those posts into which I put thought

Is to compile a book that’s bigger

Than the books you’ve already bought. (Hint hint)

So a thing that I am wondering

About my biggest-book-yet dream

Is whether to just compile stuff

Or whether to have a theme.

And here’s the part where you come in:

Please help me make you happy

By commenting or emailing me

Advice to make the book less crappy…

Is an omnibus of random poems

With my thoughts added enough

Or do you want a theme again

With more never-published stuff?

And if, of course, you don’t reply

I’ll just decide myself

But I’ll make the cover aubergine

So it looks weird on your shelf 🙂

Comments welcomed on the site, or emailed to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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Thanks “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

If you ever write a story

And don’t know what’s going on

Just say that there were aliens

And your plot holes will be gone!

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