Tag Archives: Writing

Thanks “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

If you ever write a story

And don’t know what’s going on

Just say that there were aliens

And your plot holes will be gone!


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Don’t Be An Ass

Whosoever writeth thus

In styles archaic and old

Shall not retain a salary

And, as consequence, is cold

For whosoever writeth

In a manner hard to read

Is but a fool or PhD,

Neither of which fulfills a need.

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If Five Meaningful Episodes Is Too Much You Could Write A Sitcom Instead

As far as I can tell

All you need to do well

As a writer for TV

Is to write a detective show

Where your always-brilliant lead

Has some flaw or special need

That makes them an outsider

With a mono-syllabic name.

Then add someone to kiss

And a grand nemesis

That might, perhaps, be

More brilliant than they.

You need only in joint

Write five episodes with a point,

Then 17 worth of filler

And you’re on your way!

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The Catch-22 Of Intimdating People Into Giving You Power, Times-New-Roman Edition

Absolute power is all I really want.

Control over the masses is all I need to flaunt.

Megomaniacal glorification is what gives my gait it’s jaunt,

So give me what I seek and I’ll stop using this bold font. 

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Times Getting-Old-Now Roman

One of the items

On my list of wants

Is the power to speak

In different fonts.

The power of Impact,

Or Arial’s even measure…

The freedom to choose

Would be such a treasure!

But alas in this world

Of fontless death and birth

We’re trapped in a state

Of Helvetica on Earth.

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And I Don’t

You wrote the words

For weeks and months.

You edited for days.

You shared the thought

With everyone

In many different ways.

You wrote it down

On a gilded slab,

Even took the time to clean it.

You’ve done this to say

“I’m sorry,”

But you still don’t have to mean it.

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Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…

If your story’s just beginning

But your ideas have run out

There’s no need for disappointment 

So you can quit your silly pout.

All the greatest stories

Lose their steam before the end

And that’s why we continue

The “something lucky happened” trend.

It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn

And main characters don’t get shivved.

Executions are delayed for a monologue

And Harry’s the boy who lived.

It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring

From half a world away

But not when hobbits hold it

With a tree stump in the way.

Heroes outrun explosions

While the villain merely dies.

The white hats still draw faster

Despite the sunlight in their eyes.

So if you want a writing tip

I’ll give you one to keep:

As long as sh*t works out in the end

The fans will lose no sleep.

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