If you ever write a story
And don’t know what’s going on
Just say that there were aliens
And your plot holes will be gone!
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Tag Archives: Writing
Don’t Be An Ass
Whosoever writeth thus
In styles archaic and old
Shall not retain a salary
And, as consequence, is cold
For whosoever writeth
In a manner hard to read
Is but a fool or PhD,
Neither of which fulfills a need.
Filed under Poems
If Five Meaningful Episodes Is Too Much You Could Write A Sitcom Instead
As far as I can tell
All you need to do well
As a writer for TV
Is to write a detective show
Where your always-brilliant lead
Has some flaw or special need
That makes them an outsider
With a mono-syllabic name.
Then add someone to kiss
And a grand nemesis
That might, perhaps, be
More brilliant than they.
You need only in joint
Write five episodes with a point,
Then 17 worth of filler
And you’re on your way!
Filed under Poems
The Catch-22 Of Intimdating People Into Giving You Power, Times-New-Roman Edition
Absolute power is all I really want.
Control over the masses is all I need to flaunt.
Megomaniacal glorification is what gives my gait it’s jaunt,
So give me what I seek and I’ll stop using this bold font.
Filed under Poems
Times Getting-Old-Now Roman
One of the items
On my list of wants
Is the power to speak
In different fonts.
The power of Impact,
Or Arial’s even measure…
The freedom to choose
Would be such a treasure!
But alas in this world
Of fontless death and birth
We’re trapped in a state
Of Helvetica on Earth.
Filed under Poems
And I Don’t
You wrote the words
For weeks and months.
You edited for days.
You shared the thought
With everyone
In many different ways.
You wrote it down
On a gilded slab,
Even took the time to clean it.
You’ve done this to say
“I’m sorry,”
But you still don’t have to mean it.
Filed under Poems
Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…
If your story’s just beginning
But your ideas have run out
There’s no need for disappointment
So you can quit your silly pout.
All the greatest stories
Lose their steam before the end
And that’s why we continue
The “something lucky happened” trend.
It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn
And main characters don’t get shivved.
Executions are delayed for a monologue
And Harry’s the boy who lived.
It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring
From half a world away
But not when hobbits hold it
With a tree stump in the way.
Heroes outrun explosions
While the villain merely dies.
The white hats still draw faster
Despite the sunlight in their eyes.
So if you want a writing tip
I’ll give you one to keep:
As long as sh*t works out in the end
The fans will lose no sleep.
Filed under Poems
