There once was a bass who played bass
Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”
His leader then lead
Him to read what he read
But he wound up wounding his face.
Tag Archives: Writing
Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)
Filed under Poems
That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah
I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed
When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.
Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need
To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”
Filed under Poems
If Academic Papers Were Haikus: An Unnecessarily Wordy Inquiry Into The Five Syllable, Seven Syllable, Five Syllable Metric Pattern Of Japanese Poetry Because My Professor Assigned A 500-Word Paper (Please Don’t Check My Margins Or Change The Font Color)
A haiku has five
Syllables, and then seven
On the second line
According to a
Study by Milner and Stein
In 2005.
They discovered that
The five-seven-five pattern
Was correlated
With most old haiku.
That means haiku have three lines.
Polysyllabic.
This correlation
Was confirmed by researchers
Who can count numbers.
To learn more, check out
My works cited I stole from
Wikipedia.
Filed under Poems
How To Win The Internet
My most popular poem has 58 likes.
Second place has just 24.
It’s caused me to think, and even consider
Just writing to please the bots more.
After all, if what gets me exposure
Is whatever the A.I. likes best
Is that not the way to become popular
And say to the world, “I’m the best?”
And that, my dear readers, is madness!
It’s crap of the highest degree,
A symptom of how the internet age
Can inspire such insanity.
Art doesn’t need to be popular;
Life doesn’t need to be flawless;
When the rules of the game are to lie, cheat, and steal
Then the answer is just to be lawless.
I’m not going to think about numbers.
I’m not going to worry about views.
I’m going to write about what makes me happy
Instead of what’s big in the news.
And if you are willing to venture
To a world where you’re thought of as “lame”
I think you’ll find what happiness comes
When you too quit the internet game.
Filed under Poems
Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Yet another sign
That our publics schools suck ass:
They have a grading rubric
For a “creative writing” class.
Filed under Poems
YA Romance Writers, Take Note
While I was making sweet, sweet love
To my canoe, I thought:
“Just because your love’s forbidden
“Doesn’t mean it’s hot.”
Filed under Poems
Wear Love Blossoms?
Yew are the tree that sustains me.
U turn the sick to the well.
Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.
I love you although I can’t spell.
You’re poem touched me this evening.
Your the only one I think of now.
Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go
But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.
Filed under Poems
A Poetical Update/Cry For Help
As I was reading through my blog
Upon this snowy day
I realized there’s lots of posts
That, by default, went away.
There are two-thousand-something poems
That I’ve written on this site
And to have them be forgotten
Just really isn’t right.
I looked into solutions
But to add a button here
To send you to a random post
Costs $600 a year (Seriously WordPress? Seriously?)
So my solution to preserve
Those posts into which I put thought
Is to compile a book that’s bigger
Than the books you’ve already bought. (Hint hint)
So a thing that I am wondering
About my biggest-book-yet dream
Is whether to just compile stuff
Or whether to have a theme.
And here’s the part where you come in:
Please help me make you happy
By commenting or emailing me
Advice to make the book less crappy…
Is an omnibus of random poems
With my thoughts added enough
Or do you want a theme again
With more never-published stuff?
And if, of course, you don’t reply
I’ll just decide myself
But I’ll make the cover aubergine
So it looks weird on your shelf 🙂
Comments welcomed on the site, or emailed to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Thanks “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”
If you ever write a story
And don’t know what’s going on
Just say that there were aliens
And your plot holes will be gone!
Don’t Be An Ass
Whosoever writeth thus
In styles archaic and old
Shall not retain a salary
And, as consequence, is cold
For whosoever writeth
In a manner hard to read
Is but a fool or PhD,
Neither of which fulfills a need.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 