Tag Archives: Story

Compound Disinterest

Back in the age when wealthy folk

Made twenty cents an hour,

The internet was in morse code,

And photographs were dour

A strapping lass of 25

Dug up a hidden stash

Of gold bouillon from Mexico

Worth $20 million cash.

She put it in a bank account

That earned an APR

Of 65 percent a year

And traveled wide and far.

A hundred thousand years went by

And humans passed away,

But in an old abandoned bank

The fortune’s there to stay

Until some alien arrives

And withdraws so many bucks

That the number almost equals

How much I think soccer sucks.

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Mirror Mirror, Confidant

Mirror mirror

On the wall,

Inanimate object

Which is humanly tall,

Always honest,

Occasionally kind.

Some make it their lives.

Some pay it no mind.

Mirror mirror

(The rearview one),

You’re much more useful

Than my son.

You save my life

Most every day 

Which is more than for

That little jerk I can say…

Mirror mirror

Speckled with spit

Above the sink

Next to where I shit.

You are a helpful

Reflective fellow

And thanks to you

My teeth are lighter yellow.

Mirror mirror

That I clutch,

I don’t think my Dad

Likes me very much.

It started when

I pushed him out of the boat

When we were touring the castle

With the shark infested moat.

Mirror mirror

Above the bed,

You don’t judge me

For missing half my head.

For now I sleep

But tomorrow’ll be fun.

I’m going make-up skydiving

With my son.

Mirror mirror,

Reflective lake

My fall you are

Destined to break.

The chute did nothing

When I pulled the pin.

Hey, what’s that gray

Triangular fin?

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Dramatic Drive

‘Twas evening, after sunset,

And it was dark outside,

Without natural light save from the stars.

I was going for a ride.

 

I was riding in a car

That had four round, black wheels

And electronic fuel injection,

Like the cars of Navy Seals.

 

I am not a navy seal,

But the anecdote worked.

And as I drove, I saw a stop light,

And I realized I was furked.

 

I slammed on my brakes to stop,

But I slammed much too late.

I burned up my round black tires, yes,

Before I crashed into fate.

 

Fortunately, in this case

Fate was on its lunch break.

Basically I just drove at night, but

This was a more int’resting take.

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