If two trains depart at identical hours
Traveling towards one another
On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks
For the opposite engineer’s mother
When first they pass one another
At speeds varying by a factor of 5
How long will it take before students
Make their teacher no longer alive?
“Mathematics is the study
“Of revenge,” I said to Steven.
“Five and three are at odds,
“But together they got even.”
Back in the age when wealthy folk
Made twenty cents an hour,
The internet was in morse code,
And photographs were dour
A strapping lass of 25
Dug up a hidden stash
Of gold bouillon from Mexico
Worth $20 million cash.
She put it in a bank account
That earned an APR
Of 65 percent a year
And traveled wide and far.
A hundred thousand years went by
And humans passed away,
But in an old abandoned bank
The fortune’s there to stay
Until some alien arrives
And withdraws so many bucks
That the number almost equals
How much I think soccer sucks.
It is a fact from an incited source
That 30 percent of collisions
Are the result of someone driving drunk;
In other words, poor decisions.
That means that 70 percent
Of sober drivers crash.
Driving without drinking
Is, according to statistic, rash.
That fact, if analyzed in depth
Means that driving sober will
Increase your chances by 133%
That, by driving, you will kill.
Circular houses are warmer
Than square houses, I’ve found;
Square houses are ninety degrees in the corners
But circles are 360 all around!
“You have sixteen melons
“And I take ten away.
“What do you have left?”
Just this gun and newfound prey…
My teacher asks “What’s the square root of nine?”
I say the answer is three.
The girlfriend asks “What’s the value of X”
And I say “She means nothing to me!”
I once knew a shepherd named Sadie
Whose business was just a touch shady.
She had 79 sheep
When she went to sleep
Then she rounded them up and had 80.
They said “Name every number.”
I said “Paul.”
They couldn’t refute my argument
And, thus, that was all.
Take the number of roads
A man must walk down
Before he can be called a man,
Then multiply that by negative 1
And you have the number of roads you need walk to be called trans.