Tag Archives: Math

Relationship Goals


Is a great mathematical hero

Because it refrains from doing crime

Despite running into its X literally all the time.

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Your Math Teacher Warned You…

There once was a magical hero

Who divided the whole world by zero.

Trof huaknr jshfl ej

Helfpbe nfhoshe nej

Htppbej jfhw jfjr yeega beero.

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Algebra For Men

My math professor wrote on the board

(X-ch)/i = B

He said, “Solve for X,” and so I began

And with each step I started to see:

I multiplied both sides by i

And found X-ch = Bi

Then added ch to both sides of the figure

And found the prof was my kinda guy!

Instead of this nonsense: (X-ch)/i = B

His X = Bi+ch

And I was the only one who said “Hee hee.”

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Proof That Math Is Sexist

Today I realized that if

The calculator were invented today

The numbers zero, eight, and five

Would have to go away

Because 58,008

Looks like “BOOBS” upside down

And that might offend someone

And there’s actually no punchline…

The world is just that dumb.

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X-1 Teachers

If two trains depart at identical hours

Traveling towards one another

On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks

For the opposite engineer’s mother

When first they pass one another

At speeds varying by a factor of 5

How long will it take before students

Make their teacher no longer alive?

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Teaching Addition In The Inner City

“Mathematics is the study

“Of revenge,” I said to Steven.

“Five and three are at odds,

“But together they got even.”

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Compound Disinterest

Back in the age when wealthy folk

Made twenty cents an hour,

The internet was in morse code,

And photographs were dour

A strapping lass of 25

Dug up a hidden stash

Of gold bouillon from Mexico

Worth $20 million cash.

She put it in a bank account

That earned an APR

Of 65 percent a year

And traveled wide and far.

A hundred thousand years went by

And humans passed away,

But in an old abandoned bank

The fortune’s there to stay

Until some alien arrives

And withdraws so many bucks

That the number almost equals

How much I think soccer sucks.

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The News Be Like…

It is a fact from an incited source

That 30 percent of collisions

Are the result of someone driving drunk;

In other words, poor decisions.

That means that 70 percent

Of sober drivers crash.

Driving without drinking

Is, according to statistic, rash.

That fact, if analyzed in depth

Means that driving sober will

Increase your chances by 133%

That, by driving, you will kill.

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Math Is Hot

Circular houses are warmer

Than square houses, I’ve found;

Square houses are ninety degrees in the corners

But circles are 360 all around!

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The Right Answer Is Not Always Correct

“You have sixteen melons

“And I take ten away.

“What do you have left?”

Just this gun and newfound prey…

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