Tag Archives: Math

The News Be Like…

It is a fact from an incited source

That 30 percent of collisions

Are the result of someone driving drunk;

In other words, poor decisions.

That means that 70 percent

Of sober drivers crash.

Driving without drinking

Is, according to statistic, rash.

That fact, if analyzed in depth

Means that driving sober will

Increase your chances by 133%

That, by driving, you will kill.

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Math Is Hot

Circular houses are warmer

Than square houses, I’ve found;

Square houses are ninety degrees in the corners

But circles are 360 all around!

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The Right Answer Is Not Always Correct

“You have sixteen melons

“And I take ten away.

“What do you have left?”

Just this gun and newfound prey…

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Math Anxiety

My teacher asks “What’s the square root of nine?”

I say the answer is three.

The girlfriend asks “What’s the value of X”

And I say “She means nothing to me!”

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But How Many Decimal Places?

I once knew a shepherd named Sadie

Whose business was just a touch shady.

She had 79 sheep

When she went to sleep

Then she rounded them up and had 80.

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Math Meets Meth

They said “Name every number.”

I said “Paul.”

They couldn’t refute my argument

And, thus, that was all.

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Bob Dylan, Social Justice, and Math

Take the number of roads

A man must walk down

Before he can be called a man,

Then multiply that by negative 1

And you have the number of roads you need walk to be called trans.

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When Parents Use Your Full Name

I was not prepared

For how badly I’d be scared

When mom called “a^2 + 2ab

“+b^2, come here to me.”

FYI, my name’s (a+b)^2

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Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Today I saw one per cent milk

And so I gave my mom a holler.

Turns it it’s just crappy milk,

Not 100 milks for a dollar.

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58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

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