Tag Archives: Soccer

Compound Disinterest

Back in the age when wealthy folk

Made twenty cents an hour,

The internet was in morse code,

And photographs were dour

A strapping lass of 25

Dug up a hidden stash

Of gold bouillon from Mexico

Worth $20 million cash.

She put it in a bank account

That earned an APR

Of 65 percent a year

And traveled wide and far.

A hundred thousand years went by

And humans passed away,

But in an old abandoned bank

The fortune’s there to stay

Until some alien arrives

And withdraws so many bucks

That the number almost equals

How much I think soccer sucks.

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NASCAR as a Political Metaphor

The Right

NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,

And know I think I know why:

They keep turning left over and over

Until they crash, burn, and die.

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The Left

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But the first guy does not understand:

If the drivers do not turn left fast enough

The kill random folks in the stands.

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The Highly Intelligent

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But I prefer monster trucks.

At least we agree on the important stuff,

Which is to agree soccer sucks.

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Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste

There’s an argument in the USA

About soccer teams and equal pay

‘Cause men got paid more overall

Despite the women winning all the way.

The other side of this tirade

Says the male players are underpaid

Because the revenue their team produced

Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.

Now how revenue or standings weigh

On the importance scale I can’t say.

The real question is, in 2019,

Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?

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In Related News: Sally’s Seashell Sell Did Not Go Well

If a player kicks a keeper

And the team won’t throw him out

Then you keep the keeper-kicker

And the kicked-keeper loses clout

But when the keeper-kicker seeks

To eat the kippers that he picked

He finds the kicked-keeper’s keepers

Had the aforementioned kippers nicked.

So the keeper who was kicked

And the keeper-kicker keep

Debating whether the kipper-nicker

Could be safely called a creep.

Meanwhile, the kipper-nicker

Reveals the kippers from his knickers,

Looks upon the bickering keeper

And his kicker and he snickers.

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