Dear Not-America, Love The U.S. of A

Hello from America,

Where we play real football!

Our dicks are the same size as yours

Although you’re not as tall.

Our women spend more money

And our kids aren’t well-behaved

But we have free tap water

And most of our roads are paved.

We owe your nation money

That we’ll never repay

But we also have lots of nukes

So please do what we say.

Our politicians are all crooks

And most are wimps as well

But we pledge them our allegiance

And pretend that things are swell.

But speaking patriotically

Our country’s still the best

At drinking booze per-capita

And functioning while stressed.

Here’s how you can emigrate

From where you live right now:

Just walk to California

And never leave. Kapow!

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