Tag Archives: Football

What Do Poets Do At Night? The True Story Revealed!

Tonight I stayed home to guarantee

I could sign up for an event at 6:00 PM.

I spent most of the afternoon watching TV,

Specifically the Seahawks get their ass handed to them.

I was also playing video games

And burning wood to keep my house hot.

I had an awesome time doing everything but

Did I sign up for the event? No I did not.

I spent an evening by myself

Eating cookies and shouting “Dude!”

At the TV, so although I’m a dumby

My man card’s 1,000-percent renewed!

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NFL Folk Tales

If a tree falls in the forest

And no one’s around to see

Will the Packers still pass on receivers

In 2023?


How much wood would a woodchuck chuck

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck wouldn’t chuck…

Perhaps he even couldn’t chuck…

Since Russell Woodchuck still sucks. Good.


Legend speaks of manticores

With the heads of a lion, an eagle, and goat.

Normally you’d be scared of the lion head

But that’s ‘cause the eagles don’t gloat.

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Midweek Passion

Baby, when I look at you

All sexy Thursday night

I think of how you’d look if you

Would move towards the right

And stand beside the TV screen

All cute. I want to cheer

‘Cause I can watch the game again.

Oh hey, grab me a beer!

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If Only The British Had An Army Of Sentient Bears, America Might Never Have Existed #ThingsFootballTaughtMe

One day in ye olde Boston faire

Some guys had a tea party there.

Then some bears mauled them… mean!

33 to 14

And yeah, the analogy ends there.

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Thursday Night Football

There once were some Illinois Bears

Who played the ex-redskins by O’hare.

They punted and punted

And punted and punted

And who the heck actually cares?

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The 11.5th Man

Today I watched a once great team

Catch on fire, but die as steam,

Lead on offense by a bust

Who makes us say “In Smith We Trust.”

On the flip side now I know

How Michael Jackson puts on a show.

Do we suck? Yeah, probably!

But I still love the hawks, so whee!

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A Lousy Ending To A Legend, And This Poem

There once was a QB named Russell

Who out of Seattle did hustle.

So now I’m stuck

‘Cause the phrase “Now we suck”

In no way or shape rhymes with Russell.

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Super Bowl LVI

There once were some sheep from LA

And a tiger got in their way.

In most cases, the cat

Would go “chomp” and that’s that

But alas, that did not work today.

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Hope Exists In Odd Places

The fact that football stadiums

Are filled with maskless faces

Who came to watch a bunch of men

Of many faiths and races

Hit each other for a ball

While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”

Makes me think the world’s too good

To suddenly abandon.

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Arrive At Five Bro

When you drive to pick her up

And leave at 4:15

She says she’ll be ready in 10 minutes

But we the wise have seen

That when a woman tells you

When she’ll be ready is the same

As the way the measure how long’s left

At the end of a football game.

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