Tag Archives: Football

A Lousy Ending To A Legend, And This Poem

There once was a QB named Russell

Who out of Seattle did hustle.

So now I’m stuck

‘Cause the phrase “Now we suck”

In no way or shape rhymes with Russell.

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Super Bowl LVI

There once were some sheep from LA

And a tiger got in their way.

In most cases, the cat

Would go “chomp” and that’s that

But alas, that did not work today.

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Hope Exists In Odd Places

The fact that football stadiums

Are filled with maskless faces

Who came to watch a bunch of men

Of many faiths and races

Hit each other for a ball

While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”

Makes me think the world’s too good

To suddenly abandon.

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Arrive At Five Bro

When you drive to pick her up

And leave at 4:15

She says she’ll be ready in 10 minutes

But we the wise have seen

That when a woman tells you

When she’ll be ready is the same

As the way the measure how long’s left

At the end of a football game.

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The Heart Of Man

Sometimes when you look at me

Wide-eyed, uncertain,

The endless doubt and weariness fade

And I hold your hand softly

And kiss you gently;

My whole ego becomes weightless

And I know that I have you

And I don’t deserve you

And I would die a thousand times

To be with you just an hour more.

Sometimes when you look at me

Silently, deeply,

I know exactly how your heart

Is full of warm Summer breezes

And hibernating mammals

Warm in each others’ embrace

Beneath a cold, uncaring world.

Sometimes when you look at me

Gently, longingly,

I wonder how on earth

A stacked team like Rams

Can lose to the freakin’ 49ers in primetime;

Then I try to look at your tits

Without you noticing.

I can’t.

This is what it means to be a man.

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The Quickest Of Ego Boosts

If you’re feeling blue

Because Summer turned to Fall

Just change your name to Brandon

And learn to love football.

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Guest Poem from Al Bundy

If marriage were like football

There would be no single men.

Every year they’d scout for wives

And draft a girl or ten

Then sign them to a contract

For a couple wondrous years

And give them shirts with numbers

And use them to sell beers.

We’d all have favorite teams of wives

Like the Ashleys or the Sophies

Who live in different cities

And try to win us trophies,

And when the best turn 40

(Or sometimes just 34)

We’d trade them off to other teams

And draft a dozen more.

If marriage were like football

Maybe life would be ok,

But instead it seems to be more like

The WNBA.

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What Did The Pot Call The Kettle Again?

Nothing like the NFL

To use their helmets to tell

That the one-percent lacks

Empathy for the blacks

And are violent towards them as well.

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This Poem Reflects Their Work Ethic

If you want the very best

Be a fan of the New York Jets.

That rhyme didn’t work quite right

And neither do they.

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The Daily Bright Side?

In Venice, the dolphins are happy,

Galavanting in the canals;

Some folks say that Covid is the reason.

The people of Miami

Have big smiles as well

Because their Dolphins might not play this season!

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