If you died in one hundred days,
About you, what would people say?
I’ll keep it simple: Is it good?
Have you been doing what you should?
And if you had that hundred days
And had the chance to change your ways,
What would you change about the world
Before your life did come unfurled?
Now go into the world with this:
A single goal which brings you bliss.
Now whether or not you’re going to die,
Carry out that goal. And now, good bye.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
You are reading this poem
On a computer made by a man
Who lives in a manufactured house
Made by someone in Japan.
The house builder wouldn’t be able to get to work
Had his buggy not been fixed
By the buggy-fixer down the road
Who ate breakfast that was mixed
By the breakfast mixer Sally,
Who sat down on a chair
That was made in Alaska
By a guy who fought a bear.
What this ridiculous scenario
Is intended to point out
Is that if we were independent,
We would be without.
For to read this, thank the British
Who invented this alphabet.
When you go to the bathroom
Thank the guy who made your toilet.
And when you laugh or smile
In your everyday life,
Thank the person who made you happy.
With joy, the world is rife.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I have lots of hobbies.
I like working with my hands.
I spray my garden with my hose
And spray the fertile lands.
I like to pet the heads of snakes
And hear them hiss with glee.
I like big sandwiches, especially foot-longs,
Because they’re similar to a part of me.
I like long tubes and guys named Richard
Who go by their nicknames.
I like roosters (take a guess why),
And playing all sorts of games.
I also like innuendos,
And I hope you do too.
But if you didn’t, I’ll not fix my mistake,
And you’ll go on thinking this poem blew.
But if you enjoyed what I did
For you this summer eve.
I guarantee I’ll come again,
And with that, I now leave.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Some folks fear spiders, the dark, or piranhas.
Some fear the color blue.
Some folks fear heights, ducks, and iguanas,
But how will a duck hurt you?
Yet many more people live in fear of their needs,
So they miss out on what life has offered.
They miss new beginnings, they don’t plant their seeds,
And their lives turn out not how they proferred.
So don’t worry about clothing, wrinkling and splotching,
And ask what questions abound.
Why don’t you ask out that person you’re watching?
(No matter how creepy that may sound).
Say “Yes” to life, and you’ll find ample luck!
Go ahead and live like you wanna!
Do what makes you happy, and don’t give a…
(And then I was attacked by an iguana).
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Erm, hey there everybody.
I’d like to say something.
Though I understand if you don’t want to hear it.
If you’re bored, just do your thing.
So, well… I’ll be gone
Tomorrow, away from internet.
Thus there won’t be a post,
Unless it’s something you really want to get.
I’m really very terribly sorry
To say this to you.
(Actually that’s BS)
And until Tuesday, toodaloo!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The very best way,
A kitten would say
As it cuddled a puppy by the TV,
To get a like on a post
Is to fill it, not to boast,
With things that are liked by the majority.
Relaxing and flowers,
April and May showers,
And having all your limbs intact
Are often good choices,
So raise up your voices
And pander to the public. In fact…
This strategy here
Is held near and dear
To the hearts of most modern politicians.
But politics will
Your interest, kill
And with that, this poem comes to fruitions.
(Or not, if you don’t want it to).
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
As you know, dear reader,
This blog is just for fun.
There’s seldom something serious,
And humor’s number one.
But today I offer something new:
A challenge, if you please.
Try to rid your life of a hundred things.
At this, you should not sneeze.
Start out with the simple things:
The games you never play,
Some plates or mugs or napkins,
Or that spinach flavored sorbet.
Then move on to bigger things,
Like clothes you never wear.
Give some of it to charities
And see how people care.
Do you really need those picture books
You’ve had since second grade?
A flashlight without batteries,
Or pictures of parades?
Then finally, you’ve rid yourself
Of fifty useless “these.”
You realize now more’s got to go,
And now you’ve reached the keys:
The keys of this whole exercise
Is when you’ve given so,
It’s nasty things that hurt you,
That now will have to go.
There’s grudges, grime, and politics,
And yelling on the news.
There’s people who annoy you a lot
And singing lonely blues.
And when you’ve gotten rid of
100 needless things,
You’ll suddenly feel freer
And happier than kings.
I hope you take this challenge
And try it out yourself.
Get rid of things you do not need
And endless is your wealth.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Seicnsits cliam taht p0elpe can raed
Aynh7nig p0vrided one cdino17on:
Taht the frsit and lsat lteters reiamn the smae.
So I hpoe you can raed tihs rndeitoin.
So if you can raed tihs, pealse gvie it a lkie.
But if you do not, I get it.
Smoetmeis I dn’ot rymhe my pemos,
But hlaf of you c’nat tlel aynawy.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader, Uncategorized
Hello readers!
Alas, a blight has come upon me, this 27th day of June.
The desntists office calls to me tomorrow afternoon (morning actually, but that didn’t rhyme).
My widom teeth need be pulled out, and so you’ll plainly see
That tomorrow afternoon my mouth will be dumb and bloated as the rest of me.
However I write this personal note, in meter, or in the South, in miter
To inform you that the poem tomorrow will be written by a fabulous guest writer.
This writer is my sister, and a telented poet herself.
Sure she lacks my rugged good looks, but at least she has her health.
So thus my letter concludes to you.
I will be back, so don’t be blue.
On the 29th my brain shall function
Unsedated, with thoughts of poetic junction.
As sincerely as can be accepted from a total stranger who writes crappy poems on the internet,
David
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 
Blog Spam
Dear reader, I would like to say
That I learned something new today.
And, though I shouldn’t be, shocked I am
That people leave comments that are spam.
For instance, one I got today
Was a comment that did say
That my posting was informative.
Did they misread it, or are they conformative?
Anyone who reads and thinks
My posts are meaningful has indulged in drinks
Except for the infrequent ones,
But they are seldom very fun.
So if you think “this is good written”
Please do not make it something written.
I do not want to read your spam.
I already have some, Sam-I-Am.
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Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Tagged as Comedy, Comments, Poetry, Spam