Tag Archives: Death

Their Legacy Lives On

The upside of old soldiers

In the abs and armor era

Having kids when they were 15

Is that they’d ensure they’d share a

Portion of their DNA

Despite dying in war

Because the guys who choose the front lines

Were rarely 24.

As a result, some children

Are descendants of the guys

Who ran headfirst into battle

Despite their lackluster size,

Their lack of wealth or breeding,

Their dearth of brawn or brain,

Exhibiting no hesitance

For their inevitable pain.

A dozen generations passed

And still their genes live on,

Ensuring the survival

Of their service-minded spawn.

My only wish is that these offspring

With mind and courage of a beast

Would stop running for office

(Or stop winning, at least).

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Survivorship Bias

I want National Geographic

To offer a promotion

Where everyone gets a free wild boar.

The results will be graphic

But I have the notion

The world’s average IQ will soar.

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Where Do The Colonists Sign Up?

So when you die the tax man comes

To take of your estate

While you pay tax on a hospital bill,

Pine box, and granite slate,

Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.

You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars

Which is why I will die as an astronaut:

‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.

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Everything Has A Purpose

He was born a maggot

And he grew into a fly

Until my cat got hold of him

And then he had to die.

We celebrate his passing

With a vigorous fist bump

For he reminded us our fat cat

Can manage still to jump.

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Within Every Girl Is A Great Power, Waiting For These Words To Be Unleashed…

In animated TV shows

A girl will find a magic thing

And say a word like “Fairy glows”

And the world around her blooms and sings

And rainbows fly around her while

Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,

And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,

As beautiful as she is strong.

Armed with justice, power, and grace

She slays all who her oppose.

Who can stop her and erase

Her magic power? No one knows!

If you would see this transformation

And a woman gain this deadly crown

Just say “Babe, for your information

“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”

This, but angry…

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Burning Flags

Many a child was inspired by a flag

To leave home on a bus and return in a bag,

To struggle and clash with another boy who

Was raised by a flag without red, white, or blue.

It may be a purpose to live under fire

Until you return or in glory expire,

But I seek a purpose where no flags will fly

And a world where no child is inspired to die.

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If Only We Were Still Wearing Masks…

The bird flu killed my chicken.

It killed my brother’s duck.

I heard a peacock died as well

With just a sickly cluck.

The price of eggs is rising

But what worries me even more

Is how when all the planes die

Plane ticket costs will soar.

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I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND

Right now it’s been 21 minutes

Since I started loading my homework

And the first question still hasn’t loaded.

I imagine sometime in the future

When the sun is a distant memory

And perhaps the whole universe has imploded

I’ll finally look at my laptop

And see “Question 1 of 16”

Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…

Well, it’s been seven more minutes

Since I started writing this poem

So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!

Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)

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This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song

If the sun comes up tomorrow

And you no longer exist

You will not be scared or sad

Annoyed, confused, or pissed;

You will not suffer any pain

Or shed a single tear,

No longer prone to earthly woes,

‘Cause you’re no longer here!

If you cease to be a thing

Nothing will cause you harm.

You won’t regret the time you wasted

On your Facebook farm.

If the sun comes up tomorrow

And you’re absent from the dawn

You won’t mind when the whole world sings

“Thank God he’s finally gone!”

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Transparency Matters

A ghost arrived in the afterlife

Having committed suicide.

The other ghosts surrounded him. “Oh dear!

“Why did you end your life like that?“

The new ghost said “Communication!

“The truth is I just wanted to be clear.”

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