Tag Archives: Santa

There was a thump by the fireplace

So I snuck out to see

If I could catch old Santa Claus

Putting gifts beneath the tree.

Sure enough, that fat jolly elf

Was supplying Christmas cheer

While muttering curses to himself,

Halfway through a six-pack of beer.

“Hi Santa”, I said, then charmingly smiled.

Saint Nick jumped a foot in the air.

“What on earth are you doing, young innocent child?

“It’s way past bed time. Don’t you care?”

And so I was stuck in a Catch-22:

To say that I cared was a lie

And as any child my age surely knew

That would make my presents go goodbye

But to say I don’t care about bed time

Is naughty list stuff (or adjacent)

So I smiled and said, “Oops, off to bed!”

And I went to my room to be patient.

Next morning I woke and discovered, delighted,

My gifts were still under the tree

So that drunk so-and-so who guffaws “ho-ho-ho”

Must be naughtier even than me?