Tag Archives: Short

Home Alone

I stare blankly at the wall,

Fill my mind with off-white paint,

Then picture staring at your face

And feel thankful that I ain’t.

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Accidental Victories

Alex Trebek said “It’s used to indicate

“A person or object in the speaker’s sight.”

Bewildered, I asked “What is that?”

And it turns out I was right.

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Especially If Her Name Is Daisy

My favorite flowers are daisies.

My favorite black president is Obama.

My favorite meal and my favorite animal

Both are the same: They’re yo’ mama.

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A Pun Not Worth It’s Setup

I jumped in a pool

And grabbed a flotation device,

But that floating noodle

Turned out to be lead.

I don’t know

How it managed to fool me

But, thanks to that impasta

Now I am dead.

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Also, Just Kinda Gross

They asked me to hold up

Fermented canola, you see.

I refused the order…

Sounds like supporting rapeseed culture to me.

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But Both Are Equally Boring When Presented By The Intellectual Elite

I questioned the need

For vagina monologues.

Why we needed them was a mystery.

Then I realized

That the penis dialogues

Was basically just all of history.

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Seven Crappy Little Poems I Wrote At 11:48 Last Night

Confederate Secrets

A lot of slaves were literate

Or so I’ve been told.

I wonder if they ever read

“Chicken Soup for the Sold?”

America’s Digital Security

Obama’s password:

PASSORD

Note: No “W”

Our Beloved President

Since I have a Lamborghini

They don’t care that my dick’s teeny.

Facebook

I like… like “like-like…”

Liking, like, likes I, like, like.

You’re, like, welcome. lol

Christian Bakeries

I was going to buy a baguette

But they thought I was a faggot.

Nothing awful happened though.

They kept their bread. I kept my dough.

Technically Accurate…

If you like corn on the cob

There’s a very small chance you’re part of the mob.

Hell

If you want a drink in Hell

You’ll find you have to go

To that one drinking fountain

With the insufficient flow,

And French-kiss the rusty spigot

That’s soaking wet with drool.

Satan got the idea

From your local middle school.

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