Tag Archives: Short

Math Anxiety

My teacher asks “What’s the square root of nine?”

I say the answer is three.

The girlfriend asks “What’s the value of X”

And I say “She means nothing to me!”

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Weird Pets and the Poet That Jokes About Them

I found a pet I like to rub.

I brought it home and named it club.

Now folks aren’t sure how they should feel

After they learn my pet’s a seal.

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I wanted to buy a unique pet

Like a hedgehog from the store.

I asked how to tell the girls from the boys.

“The boys have one spike more.”

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The hunter said, “Look! A lesbian bear!

“Grab a rifle and go get her!”

I asked how to tell it’s a lesbian bear;

“They’ll eat snakes, but they like beavers better.”

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Invertebrates and “Whatever You Want”ers Beware

Whether people treat you badly

Or whether they treat you fine

Is directly correlated

To your possession of a spine.

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Which Is Worse: English Spelling or This Poem?

There once was a man from Saigon

Who needed to mow his lawn.

He saw someone wan

And asked “Genghis Khan?”

But it was just his neighbor, Sean.

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Nursing Home Rhymes

I’ve got dandruff on my shins…

That’s not where it goes!

Know I need some Head and Shoulders

For between my knees and toes.

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To get 8 hours of sleep at night

I do whatever it takes,

By which I mean taking 10-minute naps

Between my bathroom breaks.

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Twinkle twinkle little star

Way above my little car,

Shining in my optic nerve

Making me violently swerve.

Twinkle twinkle little star

On the badge of officer Barr.

I sang him “YMCA.”

Why’d he take my license away?

Twinkle twinkle little star…

Crap, I left my teeth in the car!

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This Is Why Blueberry And Strawberry Yogurt Are Popular

Men want to talk about grape yogurt.

Women want to talk about patriarchy.

Men like talking about grape culture.

Feminists dislike the letter “G.”

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Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

That dress is fine

For cosplaying Shamu.

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