Tag Archives: Short

We Won’t Even Go Into The “Mom’s A Virgin” Thing

One of the beloved songs

Is titled “Silent Night,”

Of story of a night where all

Is calm and all is bright.

With the writer of the song

I want to have a chat.

A silent night where all is bright?

What kind of night is that?

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Pulling Out The Good…?

When Chinese people

Want to eat on fancy plates

What are those plates called?

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Big Brother Doesn’t Want To See That!

Sometimes it feels like I’m being watched

By malevolent eyes in in some way.

Then I take off my shirt and pop pimples

And the feeling usually goes away.

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Honestly, Every Baby Name After 2007 Though…

I feel for baby Adolfs,

Judases, Atillas,

Who had to live entire lives

Proving they’re just vanillas

Instead of evil Hall-of-Famers

Whose names they now must share.

On the other hand, how ’bout some killers

Named Peyton, Taylor, Weston, or Blair?

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Facebook “Conversations”

You know that feeling

When you have to sneeze but can’t

And your nose you already blew?

Imagine that feeling

For an hour or so.

That’s how it feels to be talking with you.

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Dream Jobs

When I was a baby

I went to a farm

And learned about the origins of milk.

I was curious and asked

What happens if you’re tasked

With squeezing udders of the masculine cow’s ilk.

And when farmers laughed

And the parents cringed

I knew I’d stumbled on something good

And I knew when I grew up

I would be an artificial inseminator

Whether or not I really ought or should.

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The Honest Politician’s Prayer

I am a tree without a trunk,

A neck without a spine,

A car without a chassis,

A roller coaster with no line.

I’m an eskimo in Florida,

Someone humble in LA.

You’ve probably never seen me

And it’ll probably stay that way.

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