Tag Archives: Short

Works On 5-Year-Olds, So…

Instead of sending crooks to jail

What if we made them eat kale?

I think they’d say that I’m a hero

For the idea that reduced all crime to zero.

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Hogwarts, 2021

If you think a Banshee’s scream is bad

You have never heard

The scream of the mythical Banthey

When one’s been misgendered.

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Sorry Mr. President, But You Can’t Come Back To Disneyland

Everything was going well

Until I ate that Taco Bell…

For one glorious ride I was a fountain

In the very first car upon Splash Mountain.

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It Was A Valiant Effort At Least…

There once was a poet I knew

Who wrote poems at 11:52.

Tonight he was inspired

To write before he got tired

But, alas, tonight’s poem sucks too…

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That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah

I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed

When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need

To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”

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When You Ask Them To Say “Cheese” And They Say “Take The F***ing Picture Already”

A thin grin, a smile with guile,

A false upward turn of the lips:

Needless to say, if you know a way

To take good family photos, share tips!

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Small Blessings

Today we give thanks

For what makes us happy:

A person, a memory, a song…

If you ain’t got nothing

For which to be thankful

Be thankful this poem ain’t long.

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By Reading This Limerick You May Or May Not Open A Parallel Universe

There once was a cat of Schrodinger

Who wanted to give science the finger.

He said “I will stay

“And also walk away.”

Thus he simultaneously did and did not linger.

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OMG Dad, Why Can’t You Understand Vulture Is A Student Of The World?

Their wonce was amen from Bolder

Hoo new mai dotter end tolled hurr

“Eye a door ewe, Amanda

“‘Cause u un-derstanneduh

“Spelling sin the I of de beholdre.”

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And The School Board Patted Themselves On The Back And Said “We Made World Peace”

I was being bullied

And kids called me gay.

I said, “Actually I identify as a non-binary person”

And the kids said, “Oh cool! Then you’re ok.”

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