Tag Archives: Short

Nice Weather For Post-Commute Shenanigans 

The air was warm and friendly,

The sun a gentle golden light,

And the dirt was easily shoveled

Upon the corpse of the guy who passed me on the right.

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Whose Phone Is This? (Aka The White-Guy-Alone-On-The-Bus-In-Harlem Song)

Whose phone is this

That disturbs my rest,

Who informs its master

By beeping?

Its constant noise

Does so make me stressed

For one minute ago

I was sleeping.

This, this

Is the white guy’s phone

Which disturbs your sleep

Via default tone.

This guy

Will be lain to rest

At the mortuary of Saint Mary.

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Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor

Sometimes I take a bath

To ease the stress of taxation.

I fill the tub with herbs

Such as thyme for relaxation.

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How I Greet New Neighbors

Like an inexpensive cut of meat

Stewed for many a lukewarm hour

You’re welcome when sold on my street

But far less welcome in my shower.

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Why I’m No Longer A Gender Studies Major

Nevertheless

Always the more

Seldom the -ible

But often the horr-

Too much conniption

For such a poor fit

This new lack of him/her

Well, I’m tired of it

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Hey, Wait…

If you’re rubber

And I’m glue

You can call me anything

And I’m just screwed…

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…And That Proves My Toughness (Or Something)

My Uncle was a pussy.

My Grandpa was a wimp.

My Father was a chicken

And my Brother is a shrimp.

My Cousins are all cowards

And my Nephews are namby-pamby

Just ’cause I’m the guy

Who shot the mom of Bambi.

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