Tag Archives: Short

Tomorrow Will* Be Better

My family is here for the weekend.

My inspiration is not.

This poem has as much though into it

As people who name their dog “Spot.”

*Maybe

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Further Proof That Dumb Names Are The Root Of All Evil

I wonder if Julius Caesar

Had been given a manlier name

He wouldn’t have needed to conquer so much

And the world would never be the same.

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The Fantasy World Has More Normal Names For Its Cities

There once were some nerds from Puyallup

That imagined some monsters to wallop.

They played D&D

‘Til they passed level 3

And yes, that’s an actual place… Puyallup.

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I Must Join Her, Salient Rhymes Be Damned!

There once was a beautiful woman

Who was my most favoritest human.

She needed to shower

And late was the hour

So I must do what I must be doin’.

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Now Mr. Horns Needs Emotional Support Too… Freakin’ East Coast *@%*s

I tried to take my emotional support rhino

On my flight to NYC

But they said I had to buy another seat…

So much for body positivity!

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Or They Might Just Be Cats… But I Feel Like This Gives These Deadly Predators Some Character

I wonder if the tigers at the zoo

Feel embarrassed when they have to poo

But they’re too proud for admitting

That they’re timid about shitting

And that’s why they always look so blue?

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The One-Question Political Test

What is the answer?

a. Jesus

b. Patriarchy

c. Climate Change

d. Freedom

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That One Episode Of Whatever Sci-Fi Show Had The Right Idea

I think we should legalize drugs

And make them free with dosage immense;

Everyone who wants drugs will be happy

And then die. I just think it makes sense!

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Yeah… So Much For “Anything Can Happen”

There once were eight teams

With ambitions and dreams

Of competing for Super Bowl glory.

The boring teams won

And we didn’t have fun

And that’s today’s NFL story.

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Ask Me About My School Lunch Policy

If I had a peanut

For every time I had a dark thought

There we be fewer kids with allergies

And crematoriums would profit a lot.

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