What is up my future trainer?
You see my name is Oak.
I’m a Pokémon professor
And that’s no Poké-joke.
I forgot my grandson’s name
And I’m uncertain of your gender
So take this fire-breathing cutie
And go on a Poké-bender.
Before you leave my lab
You and what’s-his-name will fight.
So you don’t know what to do?
That’s the tutorial all right!
Now go deliver this parcel
To the Viridian guy
And tell your mama that you’re leaving
‘Cause you’ll probably Poké-die.
Wait, you made it? You’re amazing!
That must take Pokéballs.
Keep your lizard you wizard
And depart from these walls.
You better go get eight badges
From the Pokémon gyms
And also stop the Poké-mafia
And keep all your limbs.
And if you make it to the end
With all your cuties leveled up
I’ll take a break from your mama
To come and tell you what’s up
Which is that you are the champion
And not what’s his name
So watch some unskippable credits
And join the Poké-Hall-of-Fame.
Then go back to your family
And play on your NES.
Wait, you want some more adventure?
Well who’da Poké-guessed?
Don’t worry little trainer
(Still can’t tell if you’re a girl)
‘Cause we’ve got thirty years of games
For you to give a Poliwhirl.
Not sure what Poliwhirl is?
Don’t feel bad.
In the early days we weren’t sure
The power Pikachu had
So we made a hundred-fifty
Little monsters to enslave
And told you to catch ‘em all
But only gave you one save
So to really win this challenge
You’re gonna have to go out
And sell your friends another game;
That’s what we’re Poké-about!
Are you laughing? Is that crying?
No, that wasn’t a joke.
Now go bring me a Mewtwo
Or I’ll give your mom my Oak.
The Daily Travesty 