Tag Archives: That Escalated Quickly…

Why Teaching Young Children How To Clean Their Noses Contributes To The Global Crime Epidemic

My nose was all sniffly;

‘Twas spring in the air.

Faster than you say “piffly”

My Kleenex weren’t there.

I went to the store

To pick up some tissue

But they had no more

And THAT was an issue.

So I grabbed my gun

And went off a raidin’

Until my nose’s run

Could be finished abatin’.

I knocked on a door

And they opened it. Fools!

I shrieked “Get on the floor!”

And I searched through their tools…

Screwdrivers, flashlight,

And nails to pound

But try as I might

There were no Kleenex found.

The cops were approaching

I could hear their siren

And I was encroaching

And expect they’d be firin’

So I took the out…

The only one I had:

I scrunched up my snout

And sniffed like my dad.

That day as the bullets

Riddled my body

I learned snot down the gullet

Is what cops think is naughty.

This family-friendly poem was inspired by my beautiful girlfriend and her nose. Blame her, not me.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Bad News: I’m Banned From Amazon.com… Good News: My Phone Is Waterproof, And Blood Is Thicker Than Water

A friend texted me the word “Nose”

Then: “I wrote the word nose with my nose.”

A second friend texted “Toes”

And I think you see where this eventually goes…

They wrote “Penis”, “Dolphin”, “Rose”

And I knew it was hard to one-up those

Thus my search for “The blood of America’s foes:

“Enough to fill a fireman’s hose.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems