I found world peace on Amazon
For $15.99.
It promised a world without conflict
Where everyone feels fine,
Without racism, bigotry,
Or hate of any type
And it had all five-star reviews
That said “It’s worth the hype!”
I put it in my shopping cart
And then, with horror, saw
They charged $10 bucks for shipping
So instead I bought martial law.
Filed under Poems
Someday we’ll have peace on Earth.
Someday lemons will be sweet.
Someday men might just give birth
And there’ll be no character limit to what you can tweet.
Someday congress will banter politely
Instead of picking a bone.
Someday you’ll get eight hours of sleep nightly,
And a girl will go to the bathroom alone.
Someday governments won’t be so crappy,
And perhaps they will fix all the roads.
Someday the world will embrace and be happy,
Eight minutes before the sun explodes.
Filed under Poems
If we ever know world peace
We’d have all the luck,
But all of the to-be-released
“Call of Duty” games would suck.
Filed under Poems
Some see beauty in the city lights,
Some in the rising sun.
I see beauty in burritos.
Am I not the only one?
See, a burrito all begins
With a flat, round wheat tortilla.
It’s a metaphor of the world,
At least I think. Can’t you see-a?
Then you add the rice and beans,
The white, black, and brown blokes.
Then you cover them in cheese,
And voila! That’s all there is folks.
A burrito is a symbol
Of world peace and harmony.
So take a bite of that roll-so-tight.
Mmm. Tastes like unity.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 