I need an extracurricular,
And I want to score a date.
I can kind of throw a football
Or throw balls past home plate.
I’m tall enough for hoops,
And in soccer I am grand,
But the greatest sport for getting girls
Has to be marching band.
Category Archives: Poems
Boy, Was I Wrong!
Filed under Poems
My Chemical Un-Romance
I’d like to think
Love is a choice,
And the product of
An adoring mind.
I’d like to think
It’s a little voice
That reminds you
To be gentle and kind.
Yet who we love
Is often chosen
By hormones
Running free.
So I hope you find
A place in your adrenals
And save it
Just for me.
Filed under Poems
You Have No Proof!
I went to the proving grounds
Hoping to test my mettle,
But when I was done I found
That I lost and had to settle.
I thought my strength was notable,
And my skill substantial,
But I forgot it was a proving ground
And my evidence was circumstantial.
Filed under Poems
Arr, ye Sol Ti Do!
Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.
Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!
Filed under Poems
Different Kisses
“Every kiss begins with Kay:”
It’s catchy, but untrue.
I know kisses that begin with “Hey,”
With silence, or “I love you.”
Where the sales pitch is excellent
And really makes the cut
Is in the case of all those kisses
That end with “Kay, now what?”
Filed under Poems
Climate Change for the Better: A Christmas Story
I for one like global warming.
Who wouldn’t mind extra Summer?
I guess at first in New Orleans
The flooding would be a bummer,
But all that would be rectified
When Santa relocates there
With his team of penguin helpers
And his red-nosed polar bear.
No longer are there jingle bells,
But strings of plastic beads.
Some zydeco Christmas Carols
Are what this country needs,
So drive your hummers and SUV’s
And feed beans to your cows.
I’ve enjoyed sharing my wisdom,
But now I’ve got some rabble to rouse.
Filed under Poems
Maize
Corn stalks and lonely days
Spending my life
Walking in circles.
If only…
If only I’d paid attention
To where I came from.
If only I knew where I was.
If only I’d believed in society
When they told me
“The corn maze closes at noon.”
Corn stalks and lonely days
Walking in circles.
I hope it’s only my stomach growling.
Filed under Poems
Summer, 4 AM
Such beauty there is in silence,
And in the sounds of Earth.
The songs of birds and crickets
Are of inestimable worth.
Yet beauty can be terrible,
And becomes so without warning
Like when you’re late night homework
And the birds sing that it’s morning.
Filed under Poems
Little Voices
There’s a little voice inside
That will tell you to run and hide,
Endeavor to crush you
With the weight of all your dreams.
But you have an even smaller voice
That offers you a better choice:
To accept that crushing weight
Is lighter than it seems.
And a little deeper still
Is the diminutive voice of will
That cheers you on
To the land of milk and honey
And one final voice so small
You can’t hear it at all,
But it whispers
“Fart jokes are still funny.”
Filed under Poems
Etiquette Rex
“I want meat! I need to eat!”
Said T-Rex to his mother.
His mother roared a weary sigh,
As if to say “Oh brother.”
“What are the magic words?” She asked
As she cooked up a meaty stew.
“Plesiosaurus,” T-Rex replied,
“And also, mama, thank you.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 