I think that absolute proof
That a time machine exists
Is the fact that someone went back in time
And found a T-Rex
And said “Aww yeah… T-Rex….”
And then got eaten
And nobody has time traveled since.
Tag Archives: Dinosaurs
Happy Delusions
If I had a pet stegosaurus
I think I would name it Boris
And until someone finked
That he was extinct
My family would really adore us.
When Evolution Works TOO Well
You’ve heard of Brontosaurus,
You’ve heard Triceratops,
Tyrannosaurus Rex of course,
And even the Cyclops,
But there’s one ancient animal
That didn’t live for long…
And that mystery dinosaur
Is the subject of this song:
I sing of Tacosaurus,
The terror of the south,
With a crispy shell of golden corn
And veggies in its mouth!
It roamed across the world until
Plant and meat eaters both
Decided they were tasty.
“Nom nom,” did others quoth.
So died the Tacosaurus,
But paleontologists think it’s swell
That such a mighty dinosaur
Was saved by the Taco Bell.
Filed under Poems
Shooting Star
A dinosaur wished upon a star:
“I wish the pain would stop!”
The star pulled out its Glock and said
“You’re lucky I’m a cop.”
Filed under Poems
Jurass-is-Grass
The Tyrannosaurus Rex
Was stalking the jungle
And feeling incredibly violent
When, soundless and yellow,
Urine hit the fellow
For the Pterodactyl’s pee is silent.
Filed under Poems
JurASSic Park?
I’ve debated for a while
The moral consequences
Of selling my body for money.
But when I undress
I find to my distress
That people just think it is funny.
So I hired somebody
Who looks a bit like me
To portray me in screenwritten sex.
He’s an older man
With a history in movies
Named Tyrannosaurus Rexxx.
Filed under Poems
And He Didn’t Even Get A Chance To Write A Title
Way way back in time
Before to burp was an imposition
And male dinosaurs ruled the earth
And female dinosaurs stayed in the kitchen…
Editor’s Note: This poem was never finished as the poet was brutally crushed to death by a vengeful time-traveling she-brontasaurus who is also your mother.
Filed under Poems
Old Dreams
If I were a dinosaur
I’d be a stegosaurus.
I’d spend my time stargazing
And singing in a chorus.
And if predators mess with me,
With my tail, I’d resist,
‘Cause no one beats a stegosaurus
When steggy’s feeling pissed.
I’d eat some grass, then some more;
The destiny of an herbivore.
Then I’d be eaten when I’m old.
A fitting fate, so I was told.
And when I got lonely,
I’d go searching on Steg’s List
And remember my old Triceratops
And how it hurt when we kissed.
Filed under Poems
Etiquette Rex
“I want meat! I need to eat!”
Said T-Rex to his mother.
His mother roared a weary sigh,
As if to say “Oh brother.”
“What are the magic words?” She asked
As she cooked up a meaty stew.
“Plesiosaurus,” T-Rex replied,
“And also, mama, thank you.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 